Just Something Stupid
by Rakusa
Summary: "I'll Never Do Something Stupid That Hurts You Intentionally, Though I Still Might" were words he once said to her when his memories finally came back. He would hold to that promise. He had to protect her and the dreams told him exactly what he had to do. Not the typical R-breakup story. FINISHED!
1. Just Breaking Up

Just Something Stupid

8.12.2015

Summary: "I'll Never Do Something Stupid That Hurts You Intentionally, Though I Still Might" were words he once said to her when his memories finally came back. He would hold to that promise. He had to protect her and the dreams told him exactly what he had to do. Not the typical R-breakup story.

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AN: I know you'll all be mad at me for starting not one, but count them, 2 new stories in 1 day but these ideas have been kicking around in the back of my mind for a week now and as soon as I start getting them on paper I'll probably forget about them and won't go back to them any time soon and that will give me more time for the other ones. That's good, right? In fact, already the other story is now out of my head for the moment.

AN2: The reason "I'll Never Do Something Stupid That Hurts You Intentionally, Though I Still Might" is in caps is because I had that as the original title but then looking at my chapter titles, I realized a better story title though I still liked the words, it's what inspired the story and I came up with them all on my own when reading a lot from Ellourah and Antigone. Oh and I didn't feel like going through and making them lower-case.

AN3: So I can promise with some degree of certainty that this one will be finished in a timely manner. I know it looks like I've only just started it and I have in a way though I have been thinking it through for over a week now and I've gotten quite far in writing it, I've mapped out exactly where this is going. Also while this might appear somewhat light for the content of the story, it does get pretty dark when you start thinking about it too hard. It also gets darker as it progresses. So you've been warned.

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Chapter 1:

Just Breaking Up

–

She was attacked from all directions and was unable to defend herself. She looked around helplessly for someone to protect her, to rescue her, to save her from what he already knew was coming. No one came. She was torn to pieces in front of him. Her body fell, listlessly to the ground, her outfit unrecognizable, hell _she_ was unrecognizable after all those attacks sliced through her, taking parts of her away with it.

His body felt imprisoned and it was only after her death that he was able to move. He ran up to her and his fingers barely graced one intact piece of her before the scene changed. He knew this part just as well as the first.

Her friends hung around her, his body slammed up against a mirror, just like theirs. The enemy was torturing them and taunting her. Telling her to just give up here and now and like always, she _did_. Instead of just capturing her as well, the enemy attacked an unarmed soldier, cutting her into ribbons, into pieces and then her body fell in a lump of detached limbs and body parts.

He always threw up at this stage of the night, it was hard enough to see her die once but to see it twice? He had calmed himself the first night and told himself to go back to sleep 3 hours after he'd woken up but new dreams had assaulted him.

This time it was his hands that were choking the life out of her. He remembered this from before, from his first go-round with missing memories and his body acting like a puppet. This time though his mouth was his own, even if it wouldn't open, his thoughts were his own. The first time he was almost _inhabited_ by another person and it was only at the end then, when it was too late, had he broken free and released her. This time there was no mercy, it didn't matter if he put all his strength into it because his body was being externally controlled rather than internally.

One more nightmare later and his body felt controlled like it was in the dreams, only this time he was aware that it wasn't in the dream and someone was speaking _to_ him.

"You make her weak, vulnerable to attack" The voice was his own but older sounding, tired. "You will get her killed and you need to do something to stop it. You need to make her stronger so she can face this enemy, do what needs to be done. She is unsure because of you and right now she needs more than anything to be sure, to be confident in her actions, to know, without a doubt that she is right and loved and nothing she does will make her lose what she has. For if she falters once, she will lose her life, we will lose everything."

So after a month of these dreams, sometimes the dreams all came in 1 night, sometimes the first two and then the second two because he didn't go back to sleep and they all needed to play out before repeating. He was throwing up nightly at the image's contents, not eating, not sleeping, getting further and further behind in his studies and he worried about Usagi constantly, his stomach churned and ate away at itself and he knew something had to change, especially when Usagi looked at him so sweetly one day and asked him what was wrong.

At least she'd seen that there was a change, so it wouldn't seem as out of the blue though it hadn't been a solution _he_ even thought of until just then. "We need to break up." The words felt foreign and alien on his tongue and he wanted to pull them back instantly. He did _not_ want to spend even a moment away from her which he could with her but those dreams played on repeat during the day now on the back of his eyelids, even if he didn't blink, he could see her deaths clearly.

She gaped at him and eventually she found her voice and was able to work her jaw again. "I thought you were just sick." She paused. "Is _that_ the reason why? Because you should know that I would be with you every step of the way if this was a serious illness." She put a hand on his cheek and his hand curled over hers, feeling the warmth and wanting to sink into it but his mind had formed a solution and he'd follow through with it.

So he reluctantly pulled her hand away. "I'm not sick." That was a lie,but not in the way she meant it, he was heart sick. "I don't think we should be together just because of destiny anymore. I'm not going to come to the battles anymore either. It's time you stood on your own two feet. You're senshi have been coddling you."

He hated _himself_ and he saw the tears well up in her eyes and the shattered heart he had just broken and he wanted to pretend that it was all a joke, but that would be even crueler to her. She pulled completely away from him with a shake of her head. "Seriously Mamoru, I'm not finding this amusing at all, call me when you've gotten your head straightened out."

He almost called her every hour for the next week but he managed to put the phone down or turn it off before he dialed even one number, clicked on her name.

It had been a hard week, thankfully there weren't any attacks and his dreams kept coming, reminding him. There was a knock on his door that following Saturday, it wasn't Usagi's insistent knock, so he figured it was probably Motoki or someone going up to the wrong door so he answered it and saw Usagi standing there with a curious expression on her face that he could never place.

It might have been disbelief but he wasn't sure that was it."What are you doing here?"

"We had standing reservations for the theater tonight. You never called to cancel." She wasn't dressed for the theater. "So I canceled them tickets, the refund should be on your credit card in about a week. We need to talk."

"I'm not sure what else there is to say." Truthfully he had never thought up any viable reasons to give her and didn't want to press too hard into it in case it gave her hope.

"There's plenty." She pressed her way in and he gave her the room, afraid of what would happen if he touched her. For starters she would know that he was lying. "I can't believe after all the crap you've put me through over the last 2 years that you would just break up with me without any indication."

"I feel out of love with you." Mamoru shrugged, cringing at his own words but not letting her see it.

"That doesn't just happen overnight."

"Actually, it does." He shook his head. "I admit it is a weird phenomenon but love happens instantly, it can end just as instantly, we just ignore the signs until it smacks us in the face. Which it did, I was just going through the motions for awhile without realizing that there were no longer any feelings behind it."

"Not all love appears overnight." Usagi was grasping at straws with that one because theirs had and they weren't in some kind of arranged marriage and their love had started millenniums ago, also overnight, no even more instant than that, at first sight, perhaps even before that.

"I'll just be easier for you Usagi to accept that I'm over you and to move on. Find someone new to fawn over and give all that gushy feeling to."

Usagi's bottom lip trembled and his heart squeezed painfully tight in his chest, he didn't want to hurt her to make her tougher. It was a given that he would have to, to break up with her. Though he could have probably made himself so disgusting in her eyes that _she_ broke up with _him_ but there would never be any going back from that once those sights were seen. He wished he could find some way just to make her tougher but he wasn't the solution, he was the problem, he was the poison she kept taking thinking it was medicine and he was slowly killing her.

He hoped her love for him was weak enough that she'd get over this soon, a month at most, when they hadn't spent any time together. And he would avoid her for that entire month.

"No!" She pleaded. "Whatever I did wrong, I will change."

"You didn't do anything wrong Usagi. I just don't love you anymore. Nothing you do will change that."

"It's not fair." Usagi whispered and he had to strain to her hear, her voice was breaking but she was doing a remarkable job not throwing her usual waterworks into this. He knew now that it was real heartbreak, not just drama over her boyfriend breaking up with her, hell she threw more of those tantrums when he didn't remember who she was because it was easier and expected. Hardly anyone saw these truly deep feelings emerge.

"It never is." He agreed, unsure of her words.

She shook her head. "I'll forever be in love with you while you just walk away as if I were nothing in your life."

He wanted to tell her that even if what he said were true, he'd never forget the love that they'd shared, that she would always have a place in his heart and life and memories, an incredibly large part but he firmed himself and shook his head. There were more words he could say, to nail this coffin shut and would need a pry-bar to get them out but he couldn't say them, couldn't hurt her that much. Instead he stuck with the line that he was already on, there was no denying what they had in the past, and he didn't want to diminish her sacrifices in this lifetime. It had given him a precious few memories that would sustain him for the rest of his life.

"I'm sorry Usagi but it's not fair to remain in a relationship with you any longer now that I'm not feeling anything for you, I was just confusing my feelings with Endymion's."

She'd gasped and recoiled from him, and out of his apartment but seemed frozen on the threshold and then she gave a choked nod and goodbye and left. He was sad that she hadn't fought more but relieved so much more that he hadn't had to hurt her further to protect her.

It was worth the black eye he got the next day and the crown that he had to put in when another senshi knocked one of his teeth out. The crown and tooth being replaced wasn't the problem, it was when his body fixed the damage itself and shucked out the crown that was terrible unimaginable pain and he was grateful for it because it distracted momentarily from the pain in his chest from not seeing her, for hurting her. It also reminded him that he could feel pain, feel something other than the numbness filling everything in his life but the pain in his heart and gut. It felt so wrong to him to do this but he knew it needed to be done.

On a positive note, his grades were never better.

While hers were never worse, Ami informed him when she came back to check on her handiwork a week later and nodded with a scowl when she saw that his tooth was back to normal. "I hope it hurt." More than she would ever know and he wasn't talking about the tooth

Once the danger passed, he'd be able to grovel, and beg for her forgiveness and try to explain. It was after-all just a breakup, it was only going to be temporary until she could get stronger. He had been holding her back and as long as she depended on him, she would never grow, he stifled her growth.


	2. They Were Just Memories

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Chapter 2:

They Were Just Memories

–

He never realized what a horrible person he was until that moment when he saw her two and a half months after he had broken up with her, just over two months from when he'd finally made it clear to her. Sure he'd seen her as Moon, he had never been able to ignore the call when he had absolutely no control over his functions and he was damned if he was going to do so now that he knew exactly what he could do and who he was protecting.

He just never had a need to protect her. He'd stayed in the shadows and she was well protected by her senshi who hadn't wanted him to get close to her, to hurt her some more. They did a better job keeping them apart than he could on his own and better than when they just started out and had made their distrust clear.

Mamoru had managed to prove that they were right about him, Kamen and Endymion all along. The one thing though he noticed as he watched them fight, was that Usagi and Moon weren't getting any better. In fact as he watched, day by day, she seemed to be getting worse, her movements slower and she barely did anything anymore, not even moving her feet when an attack was aimed at her. There were so many times he almost went in and swept her out of the way but her senshi managed to knock her out of the way. He watched in pain as she skidded along the ground or hit something harder than her senshi meant, causing her pain but less than if the attack landed. Sometimes he thought he could feel her limbs pulling out of shoulders as they pulled her out of the way.

There were a few battles when he'd come across without feeling her pull and transformed and watched with confusion as she never showed up. He wondered if she was getting lazy and just stayed at home. Mars never even yelled at her at the battles when she did show up, not after the first month at least. In fact Mars seemed to stay as far away from Moon as possible except when she shoved or pulled her out of danger. In fact, her handling of the Moon Senshi seemed the kindest, a completely confusing phenomenon to the masked man who had never seen Rei say something nice to Usagi, which he had to hold his tongue on so many times over the years, if Usagi bounced back and never said anything to him about it, in honest distress, then he wouldn't get involved, though he did send Rei warning glances on occasion, which she ignored because she was the senshi and she still didn't totally like him, though they did have a better relationship than most of the senshi and him. Eh, he could have probably gotten along with all of them on something, if it hadn't been for who he was in the past and what they thought that meant for their princess. All except Minako, there was only one thing they agreed upon and that wasn't enough to bridge any gaps, but it did make them a considerable foe when they teamed up when Usagi's life was threatened.

That day two and a half months later answered a lot of his questions and he barely recalled this was similar to what she had been like when he had been kidnapped and brainwashed by Beryl, she looked terrible then too when he saw her on his first outing, when she didn't know if he was alive or dead for sure. After she saw him that first day, she got better but this was worse. So much worse.

He looked at her in the window of the Crown, he had thought he could revive his friendship with Motoki now that some time had passed and she was able to get over him. He barely recognized the drooping girl with the pale gray-toned skin wasting away in the seat she usually occupied. She came because she didn't have the strength to fight her friends dragging her here to try and help her come to her senses and get over the breakup. It wasn't just a breakup though to her, he clearly saw for the first time. Her feelings rivaled his in intensity and he paled as he realized what that meant.

He'd kept up his strength because he knew he needed to be there for Moon in case she was in danger, but he had just managed to _put_ her in danger with this stunt. There was food all around her and melting milkshakes that were making puddles on the Formica near her elbows but she hadn't touched a single thing the entire time he watched her. In fact she seemed to be collapsing in her seat and he started when it appeared like she was going to fall.

One of the girls appeared at her elbow though and pulled her away from the dangerous seat and to a booth instead and pushed her in far enough that she wouldn't fall to the floor if she did slump over. The look on the senshi's face was a mix of panic, concern and anger but not at Usagi, never at Usagi, though there might have been a fleck of annoyance in there that Usagi had fallen in love so hard that this would happen to her if something happened to that love, _again_. That though spiraled back around to Mamoru and blamed him for this, justly so, just as everything else had been his fault too. _He_ had never been strong enough for her.

He'd fought but lost his memories of her not just once but 3 times already and he never wanted to lose those memories again. He had been brainwashed and even his love for her was not enough to stop himself from hurting her in the past, which is why he knew he'd do it again and this time she wouldn't be able to stop him. Because her love for him had only been growing while he had made her weaker. He had really made her weak now, a light breeze would knock her over and she'd probably die because of the pressure.

No wonder she was unable to move in fights, no wonder they left her at home, useless in a fight if she did come, and desperately needing sleep that wouldn't come. He knew how that felt, his sleep was intermittent at best because the dreams kept coming, reminding him to stay away or else.

There were a few memories he would love to be without, these last few months were forefront in his mind, and the images Queen Selenity had shown him, the moments after his death. He'd known Serenity died, but he had thought that she fell at Beryl's hand. The Queen wanted him to know exactly what he'd done to her precious daughter, what he made her do to herself for fear of what life would be like without him.

He still couldn't use his sword when he was in Endymion's form. Moon had no problem with it though, she had to do it to save herself and then she'd cried over him while leaving herself open to an attack. It was only Venus who had been able to save her that time, killing Beryl by literally stabbing her from behind, not with his sword though,, with the senshi sword that was poisoned.

Moon had gotten hurt still, and not just from his hand or his death but physically from Beryl as well, the death hadn't stopped the final attack from touching the princess.

Yes, he would have preferred to do without those memories too.

Then an idea sparked in his mind and he would have gone in right that moment to put it into effect but he'd never get to her, there were too many senshi in there with her. But he knew the best place to intercept her, if she still went that way, if she was still able to do it on her own.

The morning run-in wasn't possible, he didn't know how he had missed her, he had camped out the whole morning in their spot but she never showed. He wondered if she had gotten sick and was staying home because of her ill treatment of her body.

He camped out regardless the entire afternoon, from early release to when she had to be home from the arcade in the place that she usually passed after school, whether or not she went to the arcade. It was worth it because just as the time was nearing the end of his ability to see her for the day, and a new plan was forming in his head involving a very familiar window and avoiding the sharp claws of a very annoying cat, but having to silence and immobilize so she wouldn't attack him or inform the other senshi, the blond trudged through the park.

He would have warned her about being so vulnerable in a public park in the waning hours, especially when night fell on them so quickly these days but he knew it would be pointless. She saw his shoes first and she almost walked by him when her back straightened and she looked at the polished, scuff free shoes again, he was always immaculate and she knew that he owned 5 pairs of shoes and knew what each of those shoes looked like and could tell them apart from all others. He wasn't sure how, even he didn't know all of her shoes though he was well acquainted with quite a few, having literally been in his face a few times. Especially these tired Mary Janes.

She didn't look up at him though, she was bracing herself. "What are you doing here Mamoru?" Her voice was scratchy as if she hadn't used it much or had over used it. He knew that this was the way she preferred to go home and she had walked it every day over the last 2 or so months, he hadn't been there. He had completely cut himself from her life, but he had overlooked something to truly have done so. He'd fix that now.

He stood and stopped in front of her and he took off his glove to slid along her jaw and help her lift her head so she was looking at him. She gasped and almost recoiled from the contact that she thought she'd never feel again while he held on tight, clutching at something he had thought the same way about but had _hoped_. Now he knew to save her, he really would never touch her again. He had missed the feel of her skin, the warmth radiating from her even while she was so down-trodden.

She looked at him in confusion and in pain. "What are you doing? You made it clear that you wanted nothing more to do with me. You cut yourself out of my life so completely as if you'd never known me at all. I thought – I had hoped-" He wouldn't know for a long time what she had done to try and win him back in that first month but she had never had a chance to try anything she thought might grab his attention again, when just _being_ had caught and held his attention even when she wasn't even in the room, he just had to hear her voice, know her presence was near-

"This is cruel."

"I'll make it less cruel." He promised and leaned down to kiss her. She sagged into it against her will, she could barely hold herself up most of these days recently but to be kissed by him had literally felt like someone kicked out her knees. She wasn't sure what to think about this, was this a plea to take him back, was this just to mess with her more? There were so many possibilities running through her mind, then as the kiss continued, getting a little more passionate and steamy than he had intended, hell everything was just _more_ than he had meant, not realizing how desperate he had been without her, just _how much_ he missed her, her thoughts disappeared forever and was just in the moment.

When he pulled away, she reached for him, her eyes still closed, refusing to let go of him and this moment, afraid that he was completely pulling away from her and when she opened her eyes, he was gone. He watched in the tree as she stood there for a moment, a look of confusion on her face as she looked around. He had used his abilities as Kamen to instantly get into the tree without transforming and so he had a bird's eye view of the situation.

Then she shrugged and picked up her fallen briefcase, shaking her head at herself as she walked away. She would have no idea why she just stopped in the middle of the walk home to close her eyes, perhaps she just wanted to feel the beginning chill of the season on her skin. He nodded pleased with himself as he finally did leave but he missed her stopping and wrapping her arms around herself, to hold herself together as much as to warm herself up and look back to that spot she had stopped before with a sad frown on her face.

That next day he whistled as he walked into the Crown, feeling like a free man for once. Sure the pain of knowledge was still lodged in his breastbone but he had gotten another kiss from Usagi, he'd gotten to touch her again. He was also able to go to the Crown now without worry. He wouldn't usually whistle as he entered but Usagi was still in school and he wouldn't draw any attention to himself when she arrived. He would now be able to watch her without any concern and that brightened his days considerably. It would never be the same as being with her in even the most casual of ways but he was still able to witness her days from a lot closer than the senshi battles.

Rei was there when he came in, he was never sure what her school was like, she seemed to have a lot of freedom to come and go as she pleased, he thought their days ended shortly after Usagi's but sometimes, like this today, she would appear far earlier than any of the other girls.

She was tapping her foot against the linoleum as she waited, somehow knowing he was coming or was waiting for her friends and was annoyed that she had so much extra time. She hadn't visited him after he broke up with her friend, no, those injuries were caused by Makoto and Ami respectfully.

He had to go passed her to get to the counter or pretty much anywhere in the Crown and when she saw him, fire danced in her eyes and he wasn't sure if that was only figuratively, her violet eyes were deceptive and she did control fire...

He almost turned around and left just then but he steeled himself and tried to skirt around her. He barely got a foot near her when she hauled out and slapped him so hard that his head rung for hours later. "How _dare_ you!" She hissed with such vehemence. "You above all people should know what a terrible thing you've just done. There's no excuse for it! With time she would have gotten through this and over you but now she's going to forever be wondering at the holes, at the feelings she's feeling with no way to confront or comfort herself."

"It needed to be done Rei. She was not getting over it, she was not getting through it. If it lasted much longer she would be dead at her own hand, refusing to help herself."

"We would have force-fed her if we had to."

Mamoru shook his head. "That should have been started a month ago. You have the unfortunate position of being near her every day so you didn't see how dramatic of a change that was."

Rei started forward in utter fury when he first started speaking but then his words finished and she realized she'd taken them wrong or they were just unfortunate word choices. "We _know_ , why do you think we were so concerned over her?" Rei shook her head and her bottom lip trembled. "This isn't going to be any better. It's going to be so much worse. Is there a way to reverse it?"

Mamoru shrugged. "If there is, I'm not going to do it. I want to see how this plays out for awhile. I may not love her anymore but I do want her to be healthy. I want her to _live_." It was so easy lying to Rei when it was nearly impossible to Usagi and yet Usagi believed him whereas Rei didn't as she scoffed at him.

"Nobody falls out of love with Usagi." She glanced towards the doors and her lips firmed into a thin line. "Leave now. I'll deal with you and this situation at another time. Right now she needs me."

Mamoru left, allowing Rei to order him out, he didn't feel much like whistling or staying anyway and he crossed Usagi and Makoto's path as he did. Usagi looked straight through him without sparing him a second glance or really even a first one, to be honest. There was no recognition and he silently praised and mourned his small victory.

He left but backtracked once they were inside, he had to know. Usagi sat on her usual spot and while her color looked a lot better, she was still gray but the black circles under her eyes weren't so dark and her eyes were no longer red-rimmed and lined.

She ordered food with her usual relish but when it arrived she reached for it and then stopped, tilting her head to the side and let her hand drop and she burst into tears.

Oh god, Rei was right, this was so much worse for her. While he had taken all of her memories of him, Kamen and Endymion, she still had the feelings welling up inside of her and she didn't know why she was feeling those feelings.

He knew feelings didn't just change like that, sure some of the surface feelings did but other ones took time to work through and time to get over what happened and work through mentally as well as emotionally. He'd taken away one of those key components.

He just hoped with time and not being reminded at every turn a memory of him, that she would be able to work through or move on from those feelings faster.


	3. Those Damn Feelings Just Wouldn't Go AWA

Chapter 3:

Those Damn Feelings Just Wouldn't Go AWAY.

–

He had forgotten, and how he had no idea because he remembered every little detail about her when he had his memories, that Usagi was able to forget so many things so easily and quickly but feelings lasted so much longer for her.

Feelings were felt so much deeper than anything her brain could bring up for her to sort out logically. She attached so much more to her feelings and other senses than she did to her mind. She knew memories were faulty and so she had never put much stock into them. Whereas he had. He had clung and dug at every turn for memories because he was always missing so much of his life, first the car accident, then the nights and sometimes days where he just didn't know where he was and then would wake up or come to in some place in the city he'd never been to before with no idea what time it was until he looked at his clock. Then the Beryl thing where his _entire_ life was wiped out before her. Then after Beryl where it had just been the previous year, mostly any memory of Usagi whereas Serenity had always been with him in some way or form so he couldn't forget her or the dreams that had just stopped. Or why there was a rose on his table that never wilted or needed water.

After he got his memories back that time, he realized he and Usagi had created that rose out of their love. The love he lied about not having any more. If she had seen that rose she would have known the truth, a love that strong didn't just go away, not without serious consequences and backlash. That rose would have crumbled for sure, even if her love was still holding it up from completely disintegrating.

No Usagi was the smarter one of the two of them, she never trusted memories whereas he was desperate for them and distrusted anything he didn't recall.

Rei had been wrong that day though, while he knew how horrible it was to have memories stolen like that, Usagi wouldn't have minded or cared if it wasn't so strongly attached to her emotions. She was always so much stronger than him too.

Rei had also been wrong when she said that it would be worse. It was still absolutely terrible, he could see and admit that freely but at least after a crying fit and a few other reactions, Usagi would steel herself, call herself all kinds of stupid and would _eat._ That had been the most important thing to him. She was also sleeping. He'd seen her sleeping peacefully a few of the nights he'd watched. There were nights though that she was plagued by unrest in her sleep that weren't youma related, though she had plenty of those too, and the end of the Silver Millennium. Though how it played out now, he wasn't sure, maybe it was just a gap, maybe she was standing there against Beryl with blood soaking her dress with no reason to explain how it got there and her killing herself instead allowing Beryl access to her.

Westerners would call that weakness, in Japan they called that bravery and nobility. Mamoru just called it foolishness. There was no way the Moon Kingdom would have fallen if the princess hadn't. He had died to protect her, the senshi would have followed suit, he'd seen them getting closer and they would have gotten there in time if Serenity had just held out a bit longer. The Queen might have still died but she would have done it to eradicate their kingdom of the enemy and Serenity would have been the new queen, ruling a peaceful world for centuries. There was no reason for Serenity to have died, she was always the most important person in the universe and she needed to _live_.

He knew though that his interference with Usagi was incomplete. Following her around like a lovesick fool was bad enough. She never caught him doing it but she would pass familiar places, places that had held such meaning and importance and she would stand there for such a long time, that he would think she was frozen solid or something was physically wrong with her, perhaps a youma attack of some sort and then she would collapse onto the ground and start sobbing.

Usually one of the senshi would be with her and they'd pick her up and move her on, not even embarrassed that their friend was causing a scene. They never sent him a glare either, so he knew he kept far enough away.

So she was sleeping and eating but she was still suffering far too much.

Rei had demanded, begged, pleaded, threatened, anything she could do to get him to return Usagi's memories but he refused flatly and she couldn't force him. Nobody could. They could do bodily harm to him and they did but he didn't crack. He had already done the hardest thing in his life, was still doing it and if he didn't crack here then he wouldn't crack for them. Eventually they left him alone and renewed their focus on Usagi, tried to find better ways to help her, new ways.

A month had gone by like this and a few times he slipped and she managed to run into him. Literally on occasion.

The first time he had been sitting at their bench when she came sprawling over him. He learned quickly not to sit there anymore, at least for now. She pulled away, an apology and embarrassment on her face. She looked at him and recognition never filtered into her eyes, she spoke to him as if he was a stranger. She pushed a blond lock behind her ear and he recognized the heat flaring into her eyes, he wasn't sure if it was residual passion or just because she would have felt attracted to him anyway.

"It's fine." He waved off, the pain of being as distance felt like a knife twisting in his gut but it was his choice.

A frown crossed her lips. "I'm sorry, I know this is out of line but I feel as if I know you. Which is crazy because you act as if I'm a fly buzzing around you."

"We've never met." Mamoru lied smoothly and she nodded, apologized, picked up her briefcase one more time, sent a strange glance over to where they had last kissed and then with a sniffle and a hand brushing her nose she continued on.

Thousands of knives assaulted him then, because just running into him was causing her pain.

After that, her head would turn as he followed her and she would look for him but he always remained out of sight. She did spot him once or twice at the arcade and he wasn't sure if she was looking for him then or if she was looking for a familiar face in the crowd to talk to. She would let her eyes linger on him and then someone would say something to her and she would continue on with what she was doing before.

She almost came up to talk to him once when they were at the arcade.

He wanted to steal those memories away too but what he'd done was enough, he couldn't take any more memories from her. It was cruel but it was a cruelty that was worth it.

Now he couldn't handle it anymore, those tears, whenever he was on the receiving end of them he'd been putty in her hands but seeing her burst into tears randomly at all times was just driving him absolutely insane.

So he waited for her at the park yet again. She always had a few moments a day without senshi with her physically and without them following her at a distance. Mostly to give her space with her thoughts and not to overwhelm her. They never knew about the park meet-ups though, not even Luna. They'd kept this absolutely private, he was glad for that now. Even without her memories she still never invited anyone with her this way.

Plus the senshi didn't know that she was in very real danger if the enemy got their hands on her. Thankfully the enemy had no idea who she was and the fights weren't progressing very fast. They were still on the sisters, and they definitely weren't in charge of much.

He stood up and into Usagi's path as she neared. She stopped in place, almost afraid of him. She narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here?" It was a repeat of last time in so many ways.

"I had to talk to you." He reached out for her but she took a heady step back. He had almost forgotten that she didn't know him and it was smart to be distrustful of this stranger who was several years older and wanted to touch her out of the blue. Yet he needed physical contact with her to do this. Perhaps he didn't but if he was going to go this far, he wanted to be able to touch her again.

He willed the earth to obey and she tripped over the ground and started to fall but he pulled her back into the safety of his arms. She was such a warm person and he didn't mean just physical heat, though there was plenty of that too, but that warmth was seriously lacking these days. She kept so much more to herself, partly out of fear that she would start bawling in front of them, but also because she was feeling so much pain and didn't want to be hurt more. That was hurting her more than anything else, her being anyone but herself.

Though she didn't know him and distrusted him and most people these days, she still curled into his body as he held her, at first to help her, and her being afraid of the fall even though she did it often enough. Hell that's why she did such risky, dangerous stunts when she was a senshi because she knew though they hurt, they weren't entirely that scary when you did it on purpose, it was the surprise that still scared her. They happened for absolutely no reason and at the weirdest moments.

He slid his hands up her back and over her shoulders to cup her face and held it between both hands. His head lowered but she took a step back but didn't dislodge his hands, he wouldn't let her. "Wait, it's my first kiss-"

"It's really not." He sighed and pulled her to him, she was resisting but was confused by that statement all at the same time and that allowed him the time to kiss her. She sank into this kiss a lot faster than the last one because she had only fractured feelings to go on and he had that draw on her, just like she had on him. This one took a lot longer than the last one because it required a lot more unraveling and he had never realized just how much she loved him, all the different ways and how he was attached to the most mundane things in her life, anything could lead her to start thinking of him.

He shouldn't have been surprised still, that's how much he loved her, in exactly the same odd, quirky ways, in _everything_ she said or did or didn't say or do. It was almost a half an hour and people had sent them weird looks as he concentrated on the kiss, kisses if he were honest, and she was responding to each and every one, straight up to the end, when he was sure that he was able to get every single piece. He wasn't able to remove her hormones that would still flare whenever she did see or smell or hear him, that wasn't something he had domain over.

It was ironic that he could remove memories, both mental and physical but was unable to unlock his own, but it was probably his price to pay. He couldn't unlock others' either.

When he pulled away this time, he didn't go as far, he just took several steps back and waved his hand in front of her face. She opened her eyes, her hands still raised to grip his shirt but she drop them when she realized there wasn't anything to touch. She laughed nervously and looked up to him and froze. He wondered what was going through her mind. She gave a small shrug. "Guess I overreacted, I thought I would run into you, but I managed to stop in time. Weird... guess there's always a first time."

It was a comment that jarred him and he narrowed his eyes wondering if she remembered all those run-ins through the years. She laughed and scratched the back of her head. "I run into my friends all the time without meaning to. You too, I think, here, once." She frowned as if trying to remember what happened then but couldn't. She'd run into him here quite a few times. She shrugged and looked at him curiously. "That's twice now that we've intersected here. Are you sure we don't know each other?"

"No." Though he was watching her intently.

She scratched her head again and bent to pick up her briefcase. "I could have sworn... Right!" She snapped her fingers and turned back to him when she was about to pass him. She bit her lip as she realized how close she was to him and took a step back. "You're friends with Motoki, I've seen you around the arcade."

Mamoru nodded his acknowledgment of her assessment. He had promised he wouldn't take away any more memories, at least as long as they were innocent like that and nothing that would cause her pain. "I suppose you could have seen me there. I'm there on occasion, though I don't remember you."

"I'm not very memorable." She laughed at herself and he internally cringed because she was so wrong. "Well, maybe I'll see you around - ?"

"Chiba Mamoru."

"Mamoru." She was back to her old self it seemed bypassing all formality and calling people by their given names instead of family names, especially now that she spoke with them informally. "Well, see you Mamoru."

"Bye Usagi."

She froze and turned back to him and he slapped himself upside his own head and already had to break his own intentions, but this was important that she didn't question him on this. That was such a stupid mistake. He reached out and slid a finger along her temple and she shook her head and never noticed his finger. "Did you say something?"

"What's your name?" He said as if he was repeating himself. "You know my name."

"Oh, right, it's Usagi."

He sighed internally as they were now Usagi and Mamoru but he nodded. "Have a safe walk home Usagi and don't walk through the park at night, there's quite a few dangers that could befall you in such an isolated area."

The sun was already setting and she cocked a grin at him, the first smile he'd seen on her face for months and he let out a breath of relief and something else as the magnitude blasted him in the chest like it always did. "I'm more capable of handling myself than most people would assume."

"I'm sure you are, but things still happen. Stick to the busier areas."

She gave a shrug. "All right, I'll try. See ya." She walked away without a glance back and Mamoru knew anyone who had seen the kiss to this moment would be very confused. Hell, he was too.

He had just _completely_ wiped his entire existence out of her life. What the hell was wrong with him? If anyone else had even attempted it he would have beat them down and possibly killed them for it. It was his greatest fear, not that nobody would remember him if he were to just disappear off the Earth but that _she_ would forget him and he would lose _everything_ important to him. Yet she was going to be with someone else, happy and entangled with them so tightly that there would never be room for him again. She wasn't dead and that was the most important thing but now he felt listless. What had he _done_?

He knew starting again might be a blessing and they couldn't do that until she got stronger, until she could stand on her own two feet without anyone else, but... while he would do anything to get her back once it was safe, would she even be willing? Would she ever return to him without the past to tie her to him?

He was shaking when he got home and he found a blond in his apartment. She slapped him, hard, but not as hard as Rei had, even though this blond was in senshi form. "That's for messing with her _again_." Then she slapped him with the other hand on the other cheek and his head whipped to that side and his neck _hurt_. This was the only senshi that hadn't confronted him yet and it seemed she was waiting... for something... and she got it. "That's for not doing it in the Silver Millennium and avoiding this entire mess in the first place!"

Then she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on the mouth. He was in shock and he barely found his voice when she put a foot between them and laughed. "What was that for?"

"For finally wising up and _doing_ something about her feelings for you. I've been telling you for ages, literally, that her love for you was bad, that you were bad for her and you finally listened."

"I didn't do it for you." Mamoru growled, the hole he had caused in his own being finally finding a voice and anger. "I did it for _her_. She will be in serious danger if she doesn't shape up and become stronger and believe in herself and her abilities. She needs to be able to fight and defend herself."

Venus shook her head. "She'll never get to that stage." She waved off. "Now that she's back to her old self, the self she was before she met you, then she will be able to get herself out of different situations and if she can't, we will. She'll be fine."

For a while, it certainly seemed that way to all watching.

Mamoru waited for a week, wondering if he would still be called to her siren call in a fight when she no longer had thoughts or feelings for him but she had never severed that link by her hand and he hell as well wouldn't and so he was called to her side after-all. Though he _still_ wasn't needed and it would have been really difficult to explain his presence because she hadn't remembered Kamen either.

Following her around was a lot easier, she still seemed to sense him at times but she barely spared him a glance when she came into the arcade, a half way and then she was busy doing something with her friends. She didn't spar with him like they had in the past so she didn't even give him a second thought, or at least as far as he knew. The hormones were still there, so maybe he was placed into the same category as all the boys she found attractive but not enough to bother with. He never spoke to her to give her anything in which to like him by. Though remembering all the things that he had to unravel, he realized just being seen by her might be enough and so he came less frequently, though he still watched her on occasion. She no longer went to their spots and cried, she didn't seem to even realize they existed.

He found himself at those spots with far more frequency, trying to hold onto the memories only he had now and hold himself together.

* * *

EAN: I've said this in another story, but I got internet for a second and thought I'd update for y'all. In another month you'll probably be getting more regular updates but I have to look over the next chapter again. I haven't finished the next one and the reason why might be because I spun out of control in another direction I hadn't been planning and I can work it in, and part of me wants to and part of me doesn't... I have to see where I go after the next chapter before I know for sure. (Up to the end of this chapter had all been meticulously planned). Kind of like why DD got delayed so long because I had decided to cut a large portion of what had originally been planned because it got to be too much. Working on that one too btw. If anyone cares.


	4. Just Freaking Great

AN: I _know_ it's not Reni. I have covered this choice of name change in other stories so I'm not going to explain myself here. Go look there.

AN2: I just realized that canon-anime/fanfiction Darien and Andrew are a modern day Darcy and Bingly.

AN3: About the kiss Minako laid on Mamoru, it wasn't romantic. Haven't you ever seen any of those shows/movies/real life when a woman gets so excited about something she kisses the closest person to her? Well, if not, look deeper into pop-culture. It was a thank you kiss, nothing more. She still hates his guts. She would have kissed Beryl if she decided to just walk away after a conversation with the blond and promised Minako that Serenity would be safe forever. That's it, again, not romantic.

–

Chapter 4:

Just Freaking Great

–

He'd lost weight despite his best intentions. The study-work schedule he'd given himself on top of his punishing exercise routine (because he hadn't been needed at a senshi battle in months) had only been a small part of the weight-loss. He barely ate but he did make sure he got all the calories he needed for his new routines. It was the significant sleep deprivation that had contributed the most to his current problems. All those nights, sweating, tossing, turning, throwing up had added up and he could barely recognize himself in the mirror, when he dared to look. He hated who he'd become without Usagi.

While usually unfailingly polite, perhaps too polite as Usagi had mentioned on occasion before all this when he gave a fan-girl a bland smile and turned his attention elsewhere, or helped her up, asked if she was all right before walking away, or even the occasions when he would walk one home and have to avoid awkward goodbyes when the girl thought he wanted more, had all but disappeared now. As long as they left him alone, he was still polite.

If they crossed any lines, he snapped and snarled at them and more than one girl had run away crying. They'd seen the break up with Usagi as a way to get bolder, not that any of them ever really thought it was a real relationship. Relationships like theirs just didn't exist and things definitely didn't happen the way the public saw it happen. Constant fights to instant dating? There had been so much more to it then that. They had all missed the tender moments between Mamoru and Usagi before the memories surfaced of the past.

Everywhere he looked he was reminded in some way of Usagi and he felt like he was going crazy because no one in the entire world shared any of those memories with him. Not even if someone had witnessed a scene because they weren't part of it.

It was like he was fantasizing about the weather girl and thinking that whenever she said anything it was like she was speaking to _him_ but in fact she was talking to the general public at large. That's how he felt, no one else really believed in their love because it was no longer returned, as if it really had never been there in the first place.

He thought he was being so kind in removing it all from Usagi, that he could weather it and handle it but now he was flailing, without her love... he was nothing. He was unable to function, he kept turning to text her or call her or ask her about her opinion on something but there was always empty air. He had well and truly lost her and it was all his doing.

What's more...

Usagi was different. She was no longer the girl he had loved in this life time. He frowned as she interacted with people. While she had always taken things for granted, she had always done it in such a adorable way that disarmed everyone. Now it was as if some other entity was taking over.

Makoto slid into the booth in the back where he had donned his glasses and had a hat on. "Nice touch with the glasses, it's less inconspicuous than sunglasses." He didn't hear any artifice in her voice so he only lifted a brow at her close presence. The senshi had all forgiven him for hurting Usagi, he had taken away that pain in the end, though they hadn't forgotten and didn't want him to get the opportunity to do so again. Those were a hellish 2 months, she had started out handling it so maturely and then she had just disintegrated into a hot mess.

"What do you want Makoto?" He asked, refusing to repeat Usagi's words to him the last two times he got to touch her. There were other ways to express the same idea.

"You need to woo her again." Makoto looked at Usagi fretfully but the girl was talking to another boy and Mamoru clenched his hand around the coffee cup, not at Makoto's words but at Usagi's actions and the boy's audacity to be so close to his Usako. He raised his eyebrow again.

"Oh?" They were startling words. "Why would I do that?"

"She's..." Makoto looked at the blond in question again as another boy brought over a drink for her and a third brought some food. "She's not Usagi."

He already knew that but he couldn't figure out _how_ from this distance. "Oh?"

"She's incorrigible. It's hard to keep track of her these days, it's as if whatever you did to her feelings released a part of her that I've never known. She's skipping around town as if the world is hers and she's getting involved in so many questionable things. Then the boys-" She winced when she saw Mamoru's hand crack the porcelain of the cup he was holding. Thankfully it was just the handle. "I know I shouldn't tell you this part but..."

"What's been going on with the boys?" He demanded. It had all looked fairly innocent from what he'd seen.

"They haven't touched her." Makoto vowed quickly. "We haven't let them and while we're around they keep their distance but-" She waved her hand at the pampering Usagi was getting. "They're always around, like your fan-girls but worse and while you've thankfully ignored all of yours, Usagi's lapping it up as if she's used to it and has been missing it."

"Sounds like she's being treated very well." Mamoru commented putting the handle down onto the table and picking up the cup and felt the heat sear his palm but he ignored it as he took a sip.

"She's demanding all sorts of things from the teachers and everyone in every profession as if expecting them all to bow to her whims. Usually all she has to do is suggest and they do anything for her but now she's straight up commanding them. They still do it but it's unsettling." Makoto bit her lip before continuing. "She's even started ordering us around."

"Sounds like she has finally become self-assured." Which was a bloody wonderful thing in his mind, it meant that he could start thawing the ice blocking him from her. "Why should I care?"

"Because you still love her."

"I'm getting sick of people telling me that when I don't." He lied through clenched teeth.

Makoto shook her head not believing a word. Honestly the girls all read him so easily and yet Usagi had broken down so completely. If she had seen the truth then she would have just given him space and waited for him to come back around, assured in their love. She had waited a lot for him and that's why he did this because he was tired of making her wait, tired of hurting her when he was at fault. She shouldn't have to suffer because of his decisions. She read him so easily normally, in ways that no one else had ever been able to do but with their love she was as unsure as a baby deer standing for the first time. Which is why he had to take it from her. Neither of them believed in their love. He had _finally_ seen the love and the depth of that love but by then it was too late he had already hurt her so badly she would never trust in that love again.

There was only so much their past had to answer for when it came to that and probably a whole lot more rested on his shoulders. He was slow in lowering his walls but he was and she should have seen how much he'd opened up to her.

God his thoughts were spiraling in on themselves and he couldn't follow one train of thought anymore. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus. "How are her grades?" He asked in curiosity.

Makoto sent him a disbelieving look that this is where he focused on but she knew he'd probably be shocked at her answer. "Straight As."

"Good."

"She earned them but she's doing less studying than she used to. This is what's really worrying me, she knows things that she shouldn't."

Rei slid into the booth across from Mamoru and nodded at Makoto. "You've already told him, great. Will you do it?"

"No." Mamoru gritted his teeth, he didn't want to go into this again and it hurt him to say this but it wasn't time yet to try and get her to love him again, he was starting to see even clearer that he had never deserved her. "She looks like she has plenty of suitors."

"She's just toying with them." Rei glanced over at them with a shudder. "They're just hapless boys in her eyes that are only good enough to serve her. Serenity was never like this. Or at least, I don't remember her being that way. She was always confident of herself and she always went after what she wanted but not like this." Rei repeated herself. "Not like this."

Minako stopped at their table and frowned at Rei and Makoto. "We'd decided that wasn't the best plan. There's got to be another way." She looked at Mamoru and scowled. "You're not going near her."

"No, of course not." Though the other two were finally starting to get through to Mamoru, if she was so different, maybe he had done something to her that had adverse side-effects, maybe he had caused more harm than he had realized, took away part of her that was essentially her.

" _You_ decided, the three of us overrode you. Luna and Artemis were in a lock and so we won the argument." Rei swept her hair behind her back with a well timed flick.

Minako spared a glance behind her and Usagi had finally noticed her three companions were at the table with Mamoru and she tilted her head in confusion. "She doesn't even smile the way she used to, it's as if it's all a show."

"She's mad about something." Rei agreed. "We thought she was back to her carefree ways after you erased her feelings but you must have missed something or did something too much because she's not Usagi and she's not Serenity but some weird combination of the two and yet with traits she _never_ had before."

Mamoru was done with this conversation, they had confirmed his newest worst fears and yet it didn't change anything about _why_ he did it. "She's eating." He said as he gathered up his books. "She's sleeping." He slid out the other side of the booth and stood. "She's happy and alive. That's all that matters." He swept up his books. "She's doing better in school and she's confident in battles and in herself. It's exactly the way it should be."

"If this goes on too much longer, she won't be the Usagi you love, you won't even recognize her and it might end up being too late to get her back!" Rei called out with one last desperate shout.

Mamoru knew she was probably right, and while he had the ability to manipulate her past, that's what caused them to get to this point in the first place. He wouldn't remove anything about these last few months to get her back to the starting point, if he did then it would ruin all the sacrifices he made for her and she would die.

Yet the next day he saw her with her newest fan-club and a boy was laying her books out for her on the counter. Hell, he walked up to her just to test a theory and smiled charmingly at her.

She looked at him but looked right through him and cocked her head to the side and gave a slow smile, but not the ones he remembered. "Buy me a milkshake."

He stared at her as he realized exactly what concerned the others about this new attitude, that was definitely neither Serenity nor Usagi. It _was_ like she was lashing out at them all without knowing why or even that she was doing it. He swallowed back that knowledge and shook his head. "No." Then he walked away and he felt something bounce against the back of his head but it was soft and he turned to look at the plushie on the floor, someone, a girl this time scrambled to pick it up and bring it back to Usagi. She was acting very much like a self-entitled brat of a queen at the moment. She embodied almost everything he hated about royalty in the Silver Millennium, something she had never done before. He knew she wasn't a doll that he could control or move or a character in a book that he could manipulate and change at will for no reason at all but he did have special abilities and he had probably over-corrected something along the way and he would try to set things right. She would hate herself if she could see how she was acting. She wasn't even startled at her tantrum moment, she just looked at him bored.

He turned away again but not before he missed the sadness sneak into her eyes and when his head whipped around to look at her, it was gone and the boredom was back.

She really did have no control over it, she was definitely unconsciously lashing out. Or there might have been something more... something else was off, he just couldn't figure it out until he got closer to her. Something this time around seemed unlikely to be as easily done.

He often sat in her tree and watched her sleep but the last few weeks had been torture, knowing that if she woke and saw him there, there wouldn't be a moment's hesitation, she'd probably scream the house down. Well... maybe... with the attitude she just displayed she might tease him a bit before shutting the window and then pulling the blinds.

So because he was unsure how she'd react, he decided that he would start watching her again. He never felt more like a creepy stalker but he kept telling himself it was to see how she was sleeping now. See if anything was bothering her sleep.

That night when he watched her sleep, he noticed that Luna got forced out of her bed and now had a special cat bed for her to sleep in. It looked stately and nice, he noted, and that was something nice Usagi did for someone else, even if part of her did it just to get Luna out of her bed. Yet, she could have just kicked Luna off and told her to find somewhere else to sleep. Instead she made sure Luna was comfortable. Oddly it was something that the Usagi he knew and loved wouldn't have done. She would have either let Luna continue sleeping with her or she'd have kicked Luna off and told her to sleep on the window bench or go find one of the other girls if she was mad at the cat. It wouldn't have even entered her mind to do this.

After about an hour of the moon streaming into the window and lightening up the space, Mamoru started to lose feeling in his legs and moved them around. Another hour and he'd go home and sleep. While he did like watching her sleep, he'd rather do it in the bed with her than the pervy way most girls seemed to faun over and only when he woke up before her or remained awake after she fell asleep. Not like this, not this intentional almost clinical way he was doing it right now.

A half hour later the moon had shifted in the sky and had just barely reached the room when clouds cut off even that last moment of light. He sighed, maybe now that he didn't have an aid in seeing into the room he should go home. Usagi used to sleep with a nightlight but that childish, sweet, dependent trait was gone now with her new found self-assurance. She slept the way she always had, in rounds. Sometimes she was peaceful, sometimes she was dreaming happy things like riding a unicorn along a rainbow made of ice cream and she was the cause for the rainbow disappearing as she and others ate it. Sometimes she had nightmares about the fights and the creatures she'd seen, the lives she'd had to end. Sometimes they'd be fears of the future or nightmares related to school. Except for the fights, it was all normal things.

Something shimmered in the air and the longer he sat there, the more he saw it. He was distracted by the shimmer, trying to figure out what it was and what was causing it that it took him far too long to realize that Usagi's once peaceful dream disappeared completely, she was now deathly still and the shimmer was _touching_ her.

Luna didn't stir, Luna in fact looked as completely still as Usagi though there wasn't a shimmer over her. Then when the light of the moon completely faded, the shimmer took shape and there was a man standing over Usagi. Mamoru pushed himself to his feet and by the time he was completely upon them he was Kamen and already moving forward. There was a _man_ in Usagi's _bedroom_! He was touching her too!

The window opened with a whisper but it was enough to gain the man's attention and seeing who it was, he didn't back off, instead he just grinned and leaned down even as Kamen lunged for him. The man's mouth touched Usagi's and Kamen hit the far wall with a thud, he was alone and the man was still there, still kissing _her_.

Kamen growled and attempted to grab the man but his hands went through him. There was a noise from Usagi's parents' bedroom and the man laughed as he straightened up and turned towards Kamen.

"Silly Endymion, I'm not really here. Not yet at least but once she is ready, I will be too." He disappeared the way he came, in a shimmer and Kamen dove out the window and slid it shut and took off for the neighbor's roof. He had just hid behind the chimney when the lights in Usagi's room went on and there was a commotion as Usagi woke up in a panic, echoing the panic in her parents' voice. Her dad had a tennis racket in his hand, or maybe that was for badminton? Kamen didn't know, he didn't play either, he'd thought it was a little too cliché.

Kamen would be back tomorrow night and every night until he could figure out a way to stop the man. If he was unable to stop him from kissing Usagi for awhile he'd just have to take that as his punishment. Though she wouldn't be very pleased about it either, it wasn't like she _chose_ for the man to kiss her and in her mind she was probably losing her first kiss to this stranger.

Luna woke a little slower and Kamen wondered as the Tsukino household slowly separated and everyone went back to bed, if they had been magically drugged or something. It was terrifying how still Usagi had been.

At least it explained part of the reason why Usagi was acting so strangely.

–

The next night, instead of just waiting in the tree for the stranger to come, Kamen slid into the room and Luna woke up with a hiss. "Calm down, the girls asked me to do this." Well... they had sort of asked him to do so. "But you need to be quiet." He wouldn't get the chance to do so if Usagi was awake. He knelt by her bed and watched her eyes move behind her eyelids as she was deep into a dream. His lowered his head to hers and thought about all the memories he'd stolen and tried to push them back into Usagi the same way he had taken them as he pressed his lips to hers.

Unlike when he'd taken them or the feelings, she woke startled after a few seconds but it was no use, he wasn't able to get the memories to go from him into her and she started thrashing and hitting him and so with his mouth still attached to hers took this memory away as well. She collapsed onto the bed and he disappeared into the tree before she woke up, he forgot to close the window and he winced as she noticed it too.

She glanced at it but with a shrug she turned and went back to sleep. Normal people couldn't climb the tree and normal people couldn't get from it to the window. Luna came up to it though and closed it halfway. "Nice going, idiot." Then she closed it all the way and locked it. Kamen came forward in a panic, she couldn't lock it! If the man came back- but Luna tilted over just as his fingers gripped the window, she and Usagi were now both in that forced state of sleep.

This time as he watched the man didn't even hesitate, he reached out and pushed Usagi onto her back and his mouth latched onto hers. Kamen would have banged on the window but he didn't want to wake her family again. Instead he forced himself to watch when he would rather rest his forehead against the frame and close his eyes willing it to be over. The man stayed there for a long time, his fingers slid from Usagi's upper arm across her shoulder and then slid along her neck to the back of her head and lifted her slightly to get a different angle.

All the while, Usagi didn't move a single muscle or tick. He had to tell the girls about this, he thought that he could handle it on his own by forcing the memories back in but he couldn't. While the fights were pretty tame in comparison to all the others they'd had, this was the real danger that Usagi was in and Kamen had no idea how to protect her from it.

It didn't last nearly as long as it felt. Kamen noted that it was only five minutes but once the man left, Usagi started tossing and turning in her sleep as if fighting something physically. She grabbed the blanket and clung onto it with both hands fisting and she ripped her arms wide but hadn't let go of the blanket and so didn't get far. She groaned in her sleep and brought her hands to her head, the groan turning to a moan and Kamen watched as the door opened and a pink haired child crawled into the bed with Usagi. Kamen had no idea who that little girl was and he would have pounded the window out if she had done anything but soothe Usagi. She put her hands to Usagi's head even as Usagi wrapped her arms around the small body and then Usagi settled down into her normal sleep pattern.

Kamen breathed out slowly, the little girl, whoever she was, had helped Usagi. That was something.

–

The next day he showed up at Rei's shrine at 6 a.m. not having slept since he camped out on Usagi's tree two night previous. Well technically probably longer than that then. Rei had already been up for an hour when he appeared and she looked at him curiously. "Did you already return her memories? I would have thought that she would have been calling me the second she got them back."

Mamoru shook his head. "If she had gotten them back, it would hopefully be like she never lost them in the first place." He yawned and rubbed his eyes. "We have a problem, two probably, or rather two more at least."

"Do you think I need to call a meeting?" Rei was already reaching for the communicator but Mamoru stopped her with his words.

"Luna was the one against me returning her memories, wasn't she?"

Rei scratched her head as she looked away from him. "Yeah, but she's come around. The only hold out still is Minako."

"Which is why I didn't invite her. Makoto's phone went to voicemail, which isn't a surprise considering what time I called and I said that I was coming here at this time but I doubt she'll make it. Ami was already awake at 4 a.m. and she should be here any minute. We knew you'd be up by now."

"You're starting to worry me." Rei held the broom in her hands tighter, she seemed to always have that broom just as Motoki always seemed to be wiping down counters.

"Worrying me too, actually." Makoto's voice sounded just as tired as she looked. She hadn't even bothered putting on real clothes, she just came in her sleep outfit, which happened to be loose cotton gym shorts and an oversized T-shirt. Mamoru looked away when he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. "Did you even try to return her memories?"

He wanted to wait for Ami to arrive so he only had to explain this once but he also knew these girls deserved to hear this as quickly as possible. "I did, she hit me instead. It didn't work. Though I think I _may_ know why. Even if it's not the reason, it is still cause for serious concern."

"Then let's hear it." Ami's voice was clear and she was vibrating with energy. She was about the only one, and the other three looked at her as they realized that Ami could be just as hyper as Usagi, they just usually missed it because most of them were still sleeping or were not around when she had full energy. Or maybe it might have been the coffee. They couldn't be sure either way.

Rei lead the way into one of the rooms that wouldn't be in use. The shrine was usually the busiest at this time of the day and it was today as well but most people were already inside or in the back. She had been sweeping the front steps to remove all the dirt they trekked in on their shoes. The shoes were taken off just before the last step and she had gotten halfway done when Mamoru showed up. She showed them in and then went and shoved the broom into Yuichiru's hands and told him to redo all of them now that the rest had tracked dirt up as well.

They all sat but Mamoru held up his hands to ward off their questions. "I know you all want to know what's being done but there are more pressing matters at hand and I feel you need to know about them first. I'm not sure how long it's been going on but it's been at least 2 nights." Mamoru swallowed, this was hard to say and even harder to recall. "There's been a strange presence in Usagi's room."

"Oh, that's Reni." Rei waved off. "She's Usagi's cousin and is staying indefinitely until her parents sort out the marital problems they've been having. Something to do with money, I suspect from what Usagi's mentioned."

"Oh, ok." Mamoru hadn't meant her quite yet but that explained a lot. "Kenji's niece or Ikuko's?"

The girls shared a look and shrugged. "It's never come up. She might not even be blood related but darn those two not only look alike but also showcase some of the same traits." Makoto was the one who spoke. Which could have been odd because Usagi looked nothing like the rest of her family, taking more after her long dead mamma in the sky. She did behave similar to her current family at times though. "Now-"

"No, that's not the presence I had meant originally. This one is very dangerous. A month ago I warned Minako that a danger was going to befall your princess and how she needed to be prepared to face it because it would attack her insecurities. Minako waved me off unconcerned."

"She did mention something to us in passing but she seemed amused that it was coming from you." Rei shrugged. "At the time we were all pretty pissed off at you so we ignored it. What's happened?"

"Two nights ago I was watching her sleep."

" _Cree-per!_ " Makoto whistled.

Mamoru ignored the jeer. "I wanted to figure out what was going on with her, thinking it might have to do with her sleep. Turns out, I was right. Just as the moon was no longer able to permeate her room with its glow, a shimmer appeared which became a man and I tried to tackle him away from her but I ended up going straight through him. I tried to grab him, but the same problem. He kissed her, and yes- this was felt. Then last night I tried to return her memories with a kiss and she hit me instead when she woke up to find me there. I was hoping that if I returned her memories then there would be no room in her brain for him to do anything. I can't be sure but I do think he's manipulating her mind."

"There are so many things to say to that. First of all you decided that to combat some stranger kissing her in her sleep and forcing thoughts and memories into her, you thought that it was best to do the same exact thing?" Makoto leaned forward as if she wanted to smash his face into the floor again and again until she knocked some sense into him.

Rei snorted as she picked up where Makoto left off. "Probably the only reason he's able to manipulate her mind is because you left such giant gaping holes in there when you did the same thing earlier. He probably would have never been able to touch her if she hadn't had someone she trusted do it to her first."

Mamoru buried his head into his hands and groaned. "I know, I messed up badly, ok? You don't need to keep hitting me over the head with it. I already feel awful enough as it is. Ow!"

He looked up to see who had physically hit him over the head and both brunettes glanced at Ami as the culprit. Three months ago and he would have never thought her capable, but now he was far too aware of what she could do and would for her friend. He rubbed the back of his head where she had hit him and she was contemplating something deeply. "That was because no matter the pain you're going through or how bad you feel, it will never make up for what you've done to the _completely_ innocent party you demolished _again_."

"It hasn't _always_ been my fault." He defended and he had to duck to avoid three hands coming after the back of his head. They just followed his path and the combined force did end up slamming his head against the floor and he face planted and his nose broke. He steeled himself and forced down the nausea that threatened to become more than that as he ran his fingers along the bridge of his nose and realigned it properly. It would heal soon enough.

No one apologized.

"What is it Ami?" Rei finally asked when the blunette fell back into silence even as the rest of them discussed potential actions.

Ami shook her head. "I'm not sure yet. Maybe it didn't work because she was asleep when you tried it? Or maybe you have to go through the steps backwards?"

"You mean give her back her feelings first?" Makoto asked clutching a pillow against her chest. "I don't know..."

"I still think he has to seduce her again." Rei cut in.

"I never _seduced_ her!" Mamoru protested and moved out of way when three sets of eyes turned to him to shut up. "I never did! Honest! If I _had_ do you really think I would have hung around after getting what I wanted from her body?"

He ducked and blocked the projectiles aimed for his head.

"What I felt for her, what I _feel_ for her is completely legitimate and real. I love her so deeply there isn't a part of me that isn't touched by her. I have been completely absorbed by her that there is nothing in my life without her. I broke up with her to save her life." He had _never_ spoken like that or had shared his feelings or explained himself to anyone before but he was laying himself on his sword here to protect the woman he loved and he needed their help to do so. Sure they would have helped him save her life anyway but he wanted her back eventually too and they would help him figure out how to do so.

The senshi stared at him with a bit of an open mouth expression and then they snapped back to what they were doing before he had laid it all bare and continued talking about potential plans. They decided that _they_ would watch the interactions for themselves, sure that Mamoru had done something wrong and that they would be able to interact with the mysterious man in their princess's room.

Mamoru just stared at each and everyone of them, watching them move and talk and completely ignore his soliloquy and basically continued to ignore him without so much as a by your leave or thanks for bringing this to their attention.

Eventually he just sat back with his arms crossed over his chest and listened to all that they had to say. He never in a million years thought he would say this but after the last year he realized that there were several holes in their plans, not that they wouldn't eventually think of the solution but they were missing three vital members of their team. Minako often offered up some urbane and ridiculous comment that seemed completely worthless at the time but was the perfect spring board to a worthwhile idea or thought built upon what she said, even if it was the complete opposite of her point. When she was being Minako that was. When she was being Venus she had some very sound tactical ideas and thoughts.

Usagi and Luna were also very important to this discussion but in other ways but it was hard to include them when they were the victims. Besides, at the moment it wasn't a question of morality but recon and while Usagi was adorable in her attempts at stealth, she really only managed to uncover the problem by angering or stumbling upon the enemy but days of going undercover? Not really possible. She didn't have the patience for it. And now with Usagi being so different from her usual self, he didn't know how she would handle those situations now.

So it had been agreed upon, once Usagi was asleep, he would call the senshi and they would come over and join him in the tree and they'd all watch or interact as need be.

He called them and they said they were on their way but as he watched Usagi get practically molested in her sleep by the man for another five minutes, not doing anything more than what he had done the night before, the girls never showed up. It was only after the man disappeared and the pink haired child returned again that the girls finally made it.

"You're too late." He hissed as they climbed the tree and watched Usagi and Reni sleep. It _was_ kind of precious too.

"We came when you called but-" Jupiter bit her bottom lip to try and figure it out. "I was on someone's balcony making my way here but I found myself seconds after landing it with my body half over the railing, dangling dangerously but my boot had caught the grates and so I hadn't fallen."

"I was in the middle of a roof, face down and had to push myself up onto my feet again but it hadn't felt like any time had passed." Mars continued with her own explanation.

Mercury conveniently didn't explain where she had found herself, it was probably something embarrassing and nobody pressed. "It was five minutes, I checked."

"How could you possibly- Never mind, I don't want to know." It was Ami, you should never question her about what she knew or how she came about it. Mamoru wisely closed his mouth.

"So it seems we are like Luna, once the moon no longer touches Usagi's room while she's asleep, we all pass out."

"Well it's good to know that she isn't the only victim in this mess. But why does Mamoru stay awake?" Mars asked.

"Because he _wants_ to torture me with this image, night after night. He's probably annoyed it took me so long to come see. The look he gave me the first night was a clear indicator of his feelings for me." Mamoru ran his hands over his face, trying to bring some life back to it and hide the frustration building and tightening his features and the sheen in his eyes.

Mars patted him on the back. "We'll find a way around this. What if she sleeps over at my place tomorrow? There's no windows in the fireroom, perhaps the moon offers him the gateway?"

"Or maybe the moon keeps him back." Mercury countered and they talked about it for a bit.

Finally Jupiter cut in. "We'll try both, it's not like it's really hurting her so far, right? It's just tiny changes each day. No moon at Rei's and then we'll have a camp out but with no tents, it'll be fine."

It was not _fine_.

–

 _Both_ nights were huge leaps forward in Usagi's irritability and temperament changes. She seemed almost scared now as she looked around the room as if waiting for someone to appear. Sometimes there would be a hopeful look on her face and other times a look of disgust would cross her features as if she didn't know or understand her actions.

They sent her home after that and things seemed to slow down again but the damage was done. "We'll have to try and keep her awake or wake her up the moment the moon starts to leave her room."

"The moon did keep it at bay then?"

"Yes, we thought for sure there would be a peaceful night's sleep on the roof but then the moon shifted away in the last hour before dawn and we came to with her screaming in her sleep. We tried everything from waking her up to hugging her and trying to talk and say soothing things. Nothing worked. She eventually settled down herself but it was as if she had finally accepted the memories or whatever he did to her whereas before she had been fighting it."

"When she woke up we asked her about them, noting that she woke us up with the screams. She had no idea what we were talking about."

"We asked her much later if there was anything new in her life but she just pouted and said 'no, just waiting for the prince to come back, like every day'."

Mamoru raised an eyebrow sure he had erased all memories and thoughts of princes, even casual mentions from the girls on the moon. "What does that mean?"

"Beats us, she didn't elaborate as if we were already supposed to know what she was talking about."

"He's... whatever he's doing... he's not doing it as smoothly as you undid it."

"I removed real memories. It seems as if he's creating new ones and those are harder to force into the holes without knowing what was once there to begin with." Mamoru seemed calm on the outside but on the inside he was just raging, if he were to act how he felt, the entire place would be a disaster from him throwing things and tearing things apart and putting his fist through the drywall among other parts.

The others nodded. "You can tell because while she looks around in hope one minute, there's a fear she can't hide the next. It's almost as if she doesn't know what to feel about this man." Ami commented.

"If it's even about _him_." Makoto inserted. "We really don't know what memories she's been given, just vague hints here and there."

"Who else would it be of?" Rei asked, not putting down Makoto's idea but asking honestly, afraid that they were overlooking something important. Makoto glanced unsure at Mamoru.

"Bad memories of me?" Mamoru asked skeptically. "He wouldn't really create those, just uncover them and leave only them. I did try to kill her at least once."

"Does he know that though? And even so, it's easier to create new memories of you as the villain rather than risk bringing her feelings back too."

"She still doesn't even know who I am, just the guy who is sometimes at Motoki's arcade." Mamoru denied and the girls had to give him that. Usagi didn't look on him with fear in her eyes nor did she look at him as if he was what caused everything to work. Not like she had a few months ago.

"No, no, I think Mamoru's right, there's no need to draw attention to the man who used to hold Usagi's heart so completely, then there's the fear of that happening again and this time he'd be the one that introduced them." Ami shook her head. "Better to leave him as a nameless, faceless void then to give it any kind of shape to hold on to. No offense."

"None taken." Mamoru couldn't even be sarcastic about it because he had caused the whole mess.

"So what do we do now?" Makoto asked looking around at the three faces at the table with her.

"Well first, we try to keep her up all night and hope that nothing knocks us all out when the moon disappears."

"If that fails?" Rei was certain it would, if the man could knock the senshi and Luna out cold but leave Mamoru wide awake then he'd be able to get the sleeper of the group to sleep.

"Then we have to do the most dangerous thing of all." Ami's voice got darker and lower pitched as if telling a scary story and they all leaned in closer to hear what it could possibly be. "We have to get Usagi to fall back in love with Marmou."

Mamoru would have smashed his face into the table right then and there if it hadn't been something he had wanted in earnest.


	5. For Just a Moment, Be Serious

AN: So... I skipped this chapter, sorry. So not really an update, more of an edit? I thought I was updating this chapter.

AN2: To be honest I wasn't originally going to bring Demando or Reni into the story at all, but... well... it just happened and worked out better. They were always going to be there but in the background and mentioned maybe once in passing. Then I realized a scene later couldn't happen without a few lead ups.

 _ **AN3**_ Hey guys! So I'm in the process of editing this even as you read this chapter but... well I'm doing the dreaded E word because I'm not quite happy with it and I'm not sure where I want to change it. So any advice/feedback you have would be great and I'll still edit it even if the whole thing gets uploaded. The progression isn't going to change but there's something and I can't put my finger on it that I don't like. So again, any advice is much appreciated, even if it's at the end of the story and _you_ figure out what's wrong, that I might not be able to after all these many months.

AN4: If you haven't noticed yet then I apologize, I had been trying to bring in some humor into this tale but writing humor is not my specialty and most people don't think I'm capable of it until I wow them with my dry wit but that doesn't exactly translate and it's more situational/timing than any thing else.

–

Chapter 5:

For Just a Moment, Be Serious

–

So of course getting Usagi to stay up pass midnight was a complete bust. They were able to convince her to stay awake just a bit longer a few times but then she started ignoring them. They had to resort to more drastic measures to keep her awake but then she was asleep not long after the latest startle and once she was asleep nothing short of a youma attack would wake her up and even that would take several tries.

Usagi didn't seem much worse for the wear though she did send them a few sleepy-eyed glares the next day anytime she yawned. They said they found Reni in Usagi's bed with her and had left the room just before Usagi got up for the day. Usagi seemed almost unaware that her cousin was even part of her life. She had only mentioned the pink haired teen to them in passing and then never seemed to really mention her again.

Now that they met her properly they all realized that the girl was actually 13 and not significantly under double digits like Usagi had made her out to be. The girl was only a few years younger than them, even older than Shingo. They didn't push Usagi on inviting the girl to hang out with them though, Usagi had basically thrown her into the same group she threw Shingo, a pest when she had to be home and nonexistent at every other moment of her life unless they were in trouble then big sister protectiveness would come out.

Sometimes, even before this whole memory wipe, they wondered if she even remembered she had a brother.

The girl didn't seem to want anything to do with Usagi or the rest of them either, so it worked out and in that sense she _was_ a lot like Shingo.

So the task fell to him. "What do we do if this doesn't work?" Everyone looked at him blankly as if it wasn't possible and so had no reason to think of yet another plan but he knew better. Without the past, without Endymion and his sacrifices, why would Usagi ever look twice at him, Mamoru, a nobody with no family? Sure he had grades and looks but he had no personality, no social life, no one to call on in times of trouble. "Will you tell her then what's been happening to her while she sleeps?"

They had all agreed that until all their other options were exhausted that they wouldn't tell her about the ghost-man in her room. They didn't want to terrify her. "Eh... no?" Makoto finally spoke, still thinking like they had all along, that it would never get to that point.

"Why should we when she'll have all her memories back and he won't be able to wiggle in?" Rei continued and Ami just stared ahead blankly before also nodded but he could see her skin start to raise and color as if she was getting a heat rash.

"How's it going with the memory release process?" Makoto asked curious now, he and Ami had been working on that with Rei's help on occasion but she'd stayed out of it, usually taking shifts with Minako to keep the very real physical boys that hung around away from the blond if she didn't want them too close.

"Umm..." Mamoru looked at the other two dark haired women with him. "Not really going anywhere at all."

"Have you tried removing a memory from someone else and then returning it?" Makoto asked and all the girls raised their hands up in front of them protectively and curled them into fists, he wouldn't be trying that on _them_.

"Does that answer your question?" He knew he could take the memories without a kiss but he had wanted Usagi's undivided attention when he took so _many_ memories from her.

No one else would ever stay put long enough to try both and he would have to do it on a classmate or a perfect stranger. Well he could always start talking to one of his fangirls and then remove any memory of special treatment and then try to return all those memories...

He was working on a way of returning _almost_ all of them while Ami and Rei thought he was working on a way of returning them all. He was working on both just in case but he supposed he would just have to turn around and remove select memories from her if he couldn't return only the ones he wanted to.

A fan girl would come back or stay put if he didn't take away her reason for following him, which he didn't understand in the first place. Yet, that was an idea he'd never come to before, he could take away _all_ of the fan girls reasons for following him!

"I'll work on that." Mamoru finally said and they started discussing the next steps and all of them had such wildly different ideas about what to do. Mamoru had his own ideas but kept silent as her friends started telling him what she would like. With how different she was now, they might be right.

–

They weren't.

Every suggestion they gave him, take her to a game, food, nosebleed seats, you'll have to talk or watch the game – fail, there's a reading at the book store, she'll like the interactive way it's been set up and while he enjoyed it – epic fail, even, there's a spirituality conference coming up, they'll be demonstrating all the new and exciting ways they've been trying to attract people's attention and get them to join – fail.

Usagi had been interested in the palm reading for a little while but she started arguing with the woman. Mamoru hadn't been in there with her for that and she had stormed out in anger and had refused to talk to him the rest of the day, since it had been 'his' idea.

The fact that she had joined him for three separate 'dates' should have been cause for celebration, except he'd never asked her out on a date and the three girls he had been working with, Usagi and her entirely new crew of hanger oners and wannabes had come. It wasn't just men but women too who had cowed to Usagi's new attitude and loved being berated or praised by her in turns. They were all masochists.

Hell, they all were, even the senshi and him. The fanclub just got it worse while Usagi gave the girls real smiles and attention. He'd only gotten a few curious glances because he didn't fit either group, he didn't lap at her feet and he didn't tease her with the familiarity and assurance as someone who couldn't be kicked out for anything but a grievous crime, which he'd committed of course and that's why he was exiled, she just didn't know it and so permitted him to stay in the wings.

"You'll never get anywhere with her if you keep doing these things as a group outing." Makoto commented after the third strike as she sipped at her milkshake.

"You think?" Mamoru snapped and then rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"There there, at least she knows your name now, right?"

"She knew it weeks ago." Mamoru groaned at Rei. "I told her just after I took her feelings."

"Oh." Rei seemed shocked that Usagi would forget that when before she even had her memories of the past, she remembered everything she ever learned about one Mamo-baka.

"Well she used it yesterday." Ami tried to cheer him up and failed because it had been 'Mamoru-baka' this and that.

The girls had been doing that a lot more over the last week. It had taken awhile since his confession but this was a very new development, them supporting him, even minutely rather than tearing him down while still expecting him to succeed. Or maybe they'd seen how he was slowly descending into madness and were trying to stop it for his sake. Or perhaps they realized how vital he was for their plan and if he went insane then they couldn't use him to get their Usagi back. Any way, it was nice to get encouragement, no matter how far off the mark it was.

"All right well now I'm going to need you guys to stand aside and let me try it my way." Mamoru had no idea what he was going to do, he'd never needed to woo Usagi, she had chased him down. She'd been the one with most of the plans for their dates too. His were usually cheesy and cliché whereas hers were amazing.

"I don't know..." Rei started.

"You always seem to cause disaster when left on your own." Ami finished.

"We wouldn't want you to make the situation any _worse_." Makoto added.

Mamoru just stared at the three of them like they were the ones that had lost their minds. "How on Earth do I make it _worse_ pray tell? Do you really expect me to just hand her over to the dark one?" They shared a look and then shrugged as one. "Thanks for that vote of confidence guys."

"You're welcome." Makoto and Rei replied as one, both cheeky.

Ami just rolled her eyes at the lot. "You'll be able to do as you need to but we will be watching from a safe distance." She warned him with a finger dangerously close to his eye.

"Er, yeah, ok." He leaned back and glanced towards the entrance to the shrine. Usagi had just walked in with Minako and he was distracted by her sheer beauty and energy. Though the latter had seemed to be suffering recently, or at least had changed. Then he noticed the school books in Usagi's hands and tried to remember the last time he'd studied? Took an exam? Went to school? "What day is it?"

"Tuesday, why?" It was definitely the evening and he'd only been here for about an hour or so and he tried to remember what he had done before coming. Anything that wasn't directly related to Usagi seemed to be a haze in his mind.

The ironic nature of how his brain was behaving in direct contrast to Usagi's mind was not lost to him. Everything related to him was gone for her, anything not related to her, the same for him.

He was sure he'd gone to school, right?

All he knew was that he should probably go home and study something that was not somehow involving Usagi, as difficult as that probably would be, he had to at least try. She and Minako could not see him here. "Ok, see you tomorrow." He told them and disappeared down the back.

He had gone home to study but instead he had sat there on his couch thinking, trying to figure what his way _was_.

–

Mamoru woke at 7:30 in the morning with a start on his couch, in a sitting position, or rather a hunched over position and looked around wondering what was going on. He felt stiff and all of a sudden very old and he tried to shake it out. 7:30... what was so important about that? Then he recalled that today was Wednesday and he scrambled to his feet, class started right now! If he hurried he'd probably make it before the gates closed for the 7:45 bell.

He didn't even bother with changing or brushing his teeth, he shifted into Kamen and took to the rooftops. He got there at 7:50 but still using Kamen's abilities, dropped down inside the gates and slipped off to the shadows, reemerging somewhere else as a crumpled and disheveled Mamoru.

He slid into his desk at five to eight and got a glare which turned into a look of concern from his teacher. He had to somehow find a way to forge a note excusing him for his absences but he couldn't think of how many days he had missed. He'd lie and say he'd get the note to them tomorrow.

His teacher called his name when the class finished and they went to their next period and he stayed behind as everyone else left. "Are you ok?" Kabuki-san asked as he looked Mamoru over. "You look terrible and you've missed nearly a week of school."

"I'm physically fine." Mamoru ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "I've just been distraught over my girlfriend."

"Girl troubles? At your age? You shouldn't let anyone interfere with your studies and getting into a good school."

"It isn't a fight or some kind of drama she's created." Mamoru defended Usagi hotly because it was _true_ , it was all his fault anyway. "She's been in the hospital and she's been really sick. She finally woke up yesterday and she looked at me like she didn't know who I was. That gave her friends, family and medical staff a reason to send me home because I was just upsetting her." Tears glistened in his eyes for even though all of it was bordering on lies, it was true enough.

Kubuki-san looked Mamoru in the eye for a while before sighing. "Ok, I understand that one better. I know it's hard for a loved one to be sick or hurt and then the stress of worrying now mixed with the lost feelings-" He shook his head. "Go on to your next class. I'm sure you don't want to have to explain yourself 8 times today. Just try to look more presentable and they should leave you alone. It's an admin problem not a teacher problem."

Mamoru nodded and ran off to his next class, tucking in his shirt as he went. He was shocked at himself by the tears that had wanted to fall. She had really undone him, not only with this but she had broken down all those walls and made him _feel_ outwardly as well as all the feelings he'd had inside. He'd never shown anyone how vulnerable he could be but he'd done so twice now in almost as many weeks.

He paused mid-stride and almost fell over into the wall but caught himself with his hand as he realized he'd never shown Usagi these feelings or the depth of them. At least not when it really mattered, not when it was just the two of them going about their day to day. He should have been reassuring her every day with looks and touches that he loved her, instead he'd been a bone-head and did the exact opposite. The only time he'd shown her his love had been when she was about to die or he was dying.

When he got her back he would show her with every action he made that he loved her.

–

"What do you want?" She didn't even look up at him. He had chosen a rare quiet moment when she was alone, no senshi actively seen, no fan-club, not even the girls. Motoki had stayed far away from her over the last week, sending his employees out to her instead. Was Motoki _scared_ of her? Mamoru would have to look into that.

He seemed unsure now that he was there next to her. The Usagi he knew would have already been latched onto his arm. He had never been afraid she'd turn him down once in the entire time, assured she'd say yes even before he started speaking. This one couldn't even spare him a glance.

"Uh..." Mamoru stood there awkwardly next to her. "What are you doing on Friday night?"

"Not you." Usagi took a bite out of her burger and frowned at it. "MOTOKI! The hamburger is cold!"

That explained it all right there. Mamoru blinked at Usagi, pretty sure she'd made a dirty joke but he could have been mistaken and she could have just meant "not you too". "Er... Usagi-san."

"Tsukino." She said coldly and did look at him now. "Don't you dare use familiarity with me."

"Oh, ok." Mamoru shuffled away and sank into a booth far away and buried his head into his hands with a groan. He sensed a presence slide in across from him and he peaked out between his fingers. It was Motoki and he looked livid.

"I sat back and waited out Usagi's tears knowing that they'd end and I tried to comfort and support her through it all. I sat back and waited out her not eating as well though I always provided food for her. Now though, I barely recognize my non-blood related kid sister. Did you know she actually tried to _kiss_ me the other day?"

Mamoru blinked at Motoki as if unsure what this rant was about and at the mention of kissing, his fingers started curling into his palms and he could feel the heat build within him. Not angry at Usagi but angry at Motoki to be available enough to even attempt it. "What happened?" He asked deadly calm but Motoki was on his own rampage.

"I don't know what you did Chiba-baka but you're going to fix it. This is not something she would have come up with all on her own. What did you tell her? That she needed more experience before you'd take her back?"

Mamoru's hand lashed out and grabbed the front of Motoki's shirt before either blinked and then they both stared down at the suddenly new position. "I would never be _that_ dumb." Mamoru hissed. "I would be all the experience she would ever need. If I didn't think she knew enough I would have taught her." Hell, she probably taught him more than what he had ever known but he knew Usagi hadn't kissed anyone before him, she was just a natural.

"Then what the hell _did_ you do?"

"I broke up with her."

Motoki shook his head. "No, this isn't her attempt to get back at you or even to get back together with you. These things have happened when you've been nowhere close by and she barely knows you exist anymore. Which is also incredibly strange."

"Remember how we talked about strange things happening around me?" Mamoru asked and Motoki nodded. "This is one of those unexplainable events."

"Unexplainable from you just means you won't explain not that you can't." Motoki grumbled, but he understood. "Fine, just fix her already, would you?"

"I've been trying." He really had and tomorrow he'd test his theory out on a fan-girl.

–

Mamoru hated every second of this inane chatter. He had three girls surrounding him and they were all talking at him but never to him. He picked the plainest looking one, thinking if what they wanted was his attention then he'd give it to the least likely expected, though he knew his reasoning was incredibly shallow and he was probably completely off base with how their club worked, she might be reigning supreme or something.

At any rate when the other girls disappeared, seeing that he was focused on her and knew how he operated, one woman at a time, they figured he'd get bored with her just like he had with Usagi. Probably faster because even though the club hated her involved with him, they all agreed that she was entertaining.

He didn't kiss her but he drew the memories from her of the first time she saw him. It was harder than it was with Usagi and it wasn't the way but rather the knowing, he didn't know for sure _when_ she first saw him and so he had to dig a bit but he only followed the line in her thoughts that connected to him, nothing else. He didn't want to know her. He didn't take away the newer memories, this was a threefold test. He would take away that first sighting and then return it without touching any of the other memories. If he was able to do that then he would take away just these newer memories of him doing this to her.

It was incredibly easy to do all three. He sighed, it didn't get him much closer to fixing Usagi. He hadn't struggled with this at all and he excused himself smoothly from the confused girl and continued on his path, his thoughts wrapped up in a very particular blond. Why wasn't he able to give Usagi back her memories? Was it because she was magical and these girls weren't? He wanted to ask one of the girls if he could practice on them too but none of them, not even Ami out of scientific curiosity would allow him to alter their memories. He'd have to do it without them knowing and return them all- no, they were on his side at the moment and doing that without their permission would ruin it.

Maybe it wasn't because Usagi was magical, maybe it was because that 'Prince' had gotten his fingers in there too and was tainting the whole thing. Mamoru didn't know what to do.

He groaned and buried his head into his hands. He was losing her piece by piece, day by day. He thought he had lost her when he pulled himself from her but he hadn't, it was nothing compared to what was happening now. Academically he thought he could handle it, he had been handling it because he had been the one in control. In reality it had all spiraled out of hand and he realized he'd deluded himself. He never had control and he had ruined everything.

Mamoru noticed that Usagi had stopped and watched him touching the fan-girl's hand as he talked with her and played with her memories. Usagi couldn't see the memories but she noticed the touch with a thoughtful frown and then she smirked at him and walked away.

Whatever Mamoru thought about going after her and asking her out on a date shriveled up and died right there. The girl he was talking to, the one he had just removed the last few minutes of memories and was no longer touching cocked her head to the side as she watched him watch Usagi. "Apologize and go after her. I'm not a huge fan of the fact that you're taken, it's nice to imagine but you two were good together, you were happy. You haven't been happy since."

"What do I tell her?"

"You don't make excuses, you bite the bullet and apologize, take everything onto yourself. It's just something you'll have to do."

Mamoru sighed and nodded. "I'll try that." When she got her memories back.

She looked at him with even more curiosity. "What are you doing still sitting here? _Go_!"

"Oh, you meant right now?" Mamoru pushed himself to his feet glad for the excuse to get away and the girl nodded. "Thanks."

"Just let me get a photograph with you when I'm ready for it?"

"Sure, no problem." Mamoru was already distracted and running after Usagi when he made the promise but he wouldn't forget. He grabbed Usagi's arm when he finally caught up with her and spun her around. "Look Usagi what you saw back there-"

"You have me confused with someone who cares." Usagi interrupted him. "I don't care if you've shagged all of your followers or not a single one. It's not my business nor do I want it to be. We won't become friends, we won't become conquest buddies. You're going to continue going on with your life as Motoki's friend and I'll do the same. We'll see each other in passing and that's it." Her speech was ruined by the fact that she licked her lips and he glanced at them in desire and he glanced at her eyes for a second to see an echoing feeling but it was quickly covered up with boredom.

He nodded. "Sure, I'll see you around then." He let her go and stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked away. So her body still responded to his, it hadn't mattered, she was probably attracted to a lot of people but if she wasn't mentally stimulated then it really and truly meant nothing.

He echoed those thoughts to the three senshi he was on speaking terms with later that night.

"You've been so pathetic! Go in there all cocky and smug like you used to be. That always got under her skin and caught and held her attention. That's the man you need to be to get her to go out with you again, even if it's just to prove you wrong!"

"Thanks." He said dryly, sure he'd tried the direct approach already but Makoto was nodding her agreement with Rei's outburst.

"I hated that about you and your relationship with Usagi but she responded to you. It's worth it to give it another try. That's what caught Rei's attention too. You're nobody without that initial reaction, I mean to Usagi." Makoto clarified, again, she'd hated his cocky attitude which is why she fanned over his complete opposite, Motoki.

So, Mamoru tried to brush up on that unfeeling ass that he had once been, it should have been easy because the girls have all called him that at least once in the last week but they didn't know that even then he felt, he felt deeply and that the outside was all just a facade to hide his pain. He had pain now but it was different pain, everything was just different after he had and lost Usagi. Even knowing her on a very surface level had changed him in ways he couldn't describe to the girls. Usagi had always seen that pain hidden deep inside of him and had tried to take it away, even at the very beginning in her own way. Now she couldn't see it anymore, even though he could see it's echo in her eyes now. Had she felt that pain of separation then too? Before they even met in this life?

"We could always take away _your_ memories, somehow." Ami suggested slyly and he sent her a glare.

"That's it." Makoto approved but Rei shook her head.

"No, there's too much heat in it, he's not dead enough, it's just supposed to be a warning, no annoyance." So he tried to pull the heat back, the anger at such a suggestion and he ignored the pang in his gut at the irony of his actions.

"Yeah, you're right." Makoto agreed seeing now what Rei had and Ami nodded too.

"Keep practicing."

He had a full day he could practice at school and he managed to get there on time, but then again this had something to do with Usagi.

He practiced every day until finally on Thursday Rei gave him the thumbs up and Ami nodded. He sighed and slid into the booth across from Usagi and gave her a bored look which when she raised her eyes, had an equally bored look in them. That quickly turned to surprise at his disinterest. "What are you doing here?" Usagi asked, she had staked out the best booth in the arcade, which ironically really had been his over the years.

"You're in my spot." He lifted a brow when she just sat there staring at him. "Leave."

She opened her mouth and then shut it, opened it again and shook her head, sliding out of the booth. "Fine, this time." She started walking away but then turned and looked back at him with something akin to disbelief and a spark in her eyes.

Mamoru couldn't believe that worked. He had noticed her look back but now he was sitting here alone and with nothing really to do. He pulled out his books to at least give the appearance of needing the booth. He opened his books but he wasn't interested in reading them though he did open automatically to the page he was assigned.

He got distracted by the formula written there after a few minutes of not knowing what to do now. Usually they argued when he acted like that, she wouldn't have given up the spot so quickly before she got this new defensive attitude. He thought with the Usagi she was now she would have hissed back that it was her territory now and she wasn't leaving, he was. Maybe it could have sparked an argument, or they'd have a staring/staying war but she'd given in so easy.

Then the words were suddenly gone and instead a bright pink foam took the place of what he was staring at. He glanced up to see Usagi with an empty cup in her hand now that she'd dumped its contents all over his book. He was shocked and perhaps a little angry and forgiving all at once but she didn't look repentant or worried about ruining a book. Sure the old Usagi hated most books but she understood their value to people. She had never ruined a book purposefully though she had. This Usagi, she wasn't even sorry about the mess she just made for Motoki.

"It's my booth." She told him simply before walking out the door.

He stared after her with his jaw hanging open. Motoki wheeled over a mop and a bucket filled with water as well as a few rags. "It's your mess, you're cleaning it up." He handed them off to Mamoru who took it dumbly and started rubbing down the table absently.

The next day he went back at it again but tried a different tactic to get her to notice and argue with him. "Oi Odango where's the noodles you call a brain?" He internally slapped himself up the head wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

"Huh?" She grunted and didn't even spare him a glance.

He had four fall backs, her grades, her lateness, her clumsiness and her eating habits. She hadn't shown any of those failings recently. The only one he could possibly notice at some point in time would be her clumsiness but even that had dramatically improved, especially after he stopped getting in her way. "Um." He racked his brain trying to quickly come up with something. "Your hair looks like meatballs and noodles." He explained. "Or are you too dumb to even understand an insult like that?"

She raised an eyebrow and he could see it in her profile but she still didn't turn to look at him. "Why are you insulting my hair? There's no point to it and you're not going to make me feel bad about a tradition that goes back in my family since as long as its been around. It's a cheap shot by someone completely lacking intelligence or originality."

 _Ouch_. Mamoru scratched the back of his neck, what other faults could he pick on? He'd never seen her as faulty but he'd been self-protecting himself back then and so he had picked on what he knew she was self-conscious about. "I'm surprised you know a lot of those words and phrases. Usually you can't even do simple math problems."

"What does math have to do with Japanese?" She turned to him then, honestly looking for the connection. "One uses the right brain and the other the left. There might be some overlay with the technicalities or ability to see beyond what was taught and while they're both a form of language, they don't intersect except where one is used to explain the other. But other than that...?"

"You can use math to explain beauty and why certain words flow better in certain contexts based on syllables and word lengths."

"Ok, but how does my ability to use and understand different words correlate to simple math problems? I'm assuming you mean things like 2 + 2, am I right? Beyond the obvious reference to syllables."

She got him there and he was so glad that he hadn't compared her vocabulary to her ability to put one foot in front of the other. She would have ripped him a new one on how those two could possibly belong together as comparisons.

She stared at him, waiting for an answer and after a few beats she realized she wouldn't be getting one. "Pathetic." She shook her head and went back to what she was doing. He felt the same way, he had lost to her with almost every verbal battle but he'd at least had a fighting chance. She just decimated him this time. Usually she fought him with emotional logic while he'd used mental logic but she'd matched him on his level this time and used her own lethal brand of logic too.

Saturday he just rolled up to her, grabbed her arm and pulled her from her seat. "You're going on a date with me, tonight."

"Not." She pulled her arm out, he didn't have too tight a grasp on her. "I don't appreciate being manhandled either."

He was so tempted to pull this memory from her but knew better, knew that if he had a chance he had to let her see all of him and so he let her go. He packed up his things and left the arcade. She'd spoken her piece so many times in so many ways and he just wasn't listening. She wasn't interested, period. No matter what he'd done in the past he couldn't recreate that interest and it made him feel very low to realize that it was just timing that had sent their lives on this crazy whirlwind journey.

He could have been anyone in the past, hell that's probably what that asshole was capitalizing on, how Serenity was ready for love at the exact moment he met her. It had never been real love, just delusions. At least on her end. For him, Mamoru, it had been real love, it had been a combination of timing, the right person and picking at him until he was ready to admit it. He should have known that with how easily her love came, it could be just as easily forgotten or given up on.

It's the way it would have been even if he hadn't manipulated her memories or feelings. She would have eventually brushed herself off and found someone new to love or be self-sufficient, as she was now.

It was ironic that what he was told he wanted for her was what was tearing him apart now. He just couldn't see how it was the best for her. It was obviously not helping here and now.

–

Two days later, enough time for him to lick his wounds and pull himself out of his bed, he found himself at the temple with the women. He barely registered calling into the school to tell them that he was sick every morning for the last 3 days. He didn't know where he had found that state of mind to do so, he barely remembered it.

"It's no use. I can't make her fall in love with me."

"What are you talking about? Of course you can!" Makoto objected.

"It doesn't work that way, either the feelings are there or they aren't. I did a pretty good job of removing those feelings, even turning them against me."

"But you're Usagi and Mamoru! You always find a way back to each other!" Rei protested.

"Love isn't about _making_ someone love you but showing them your very best self and getting them interested to learn more." Ami continued the girls' argument.

"I've tried that and my best just isn't good enough for her anymore, and to be honest, I don't know if it ever was."

He was smacked up the back of his head by the newcomer. "You really are dense, aren't you?" Minako rubbed an eye tiredly, no one had heard her come in. "I concede that you were right, all along. These two need to get back together."

"As much as I've tried she's turned me down at every turn. In fact she was quite cruel about it..." Mamoru shivered as he recalled her words. "There was a moment there when I thought, maybe, but she was only playing with me and then she kissed someone else in front of me." So much more had happened since their last meeting in the arcade, he just tried to block it out, and he'd succeeded with that fog that had taken him over since the last time he'd spoken with her directly.

She sighed and sank into the chair across from him, ignoring the fact that Ami was there already. Ami skirted out of the way quickly and sat on the couch with Makoto, scowling and glaring at her blond leader. "Do you know why I was the only one who didn't hit you when you broke up with Usagi or took her memories?"

"Because it dove-tailed nicely with what you've always wanted, the two of us breaking up." He responded dryly, of _course_ he knew, she had never shut up about how they were bad for each other despite Usagi being _sooo_ good for him. Then her arrival once he thought he'd truly fixed the situation.

Minako nodded. "Exactly but the reason why I was so excited when you did was because no matter what I did or tried or said the two of you always found a way to be together. That's why she'll take you back, eventually. You two are drawn to each other in ways that are just incredibly frustrating to a protector trying to support and defend her from harm when all you're capable of is harm."

Mamoru scowled at the blond though she was _right_ , dammit. "So why have you finally come around to this side?"

"Because she's still miserable." Minako said with a simple shrug. "And she's been kind of horrible to _everyone_."

"The problem is though you never know when it'll come." Rei added and all eyes turned to her, the resident moody, irritable, firecracker. She held up her hands in protest. " _Hey_ , at least you get fair warning as I slowly descend into that mood or there's a reason for it, usually Yuichiro or Usagi or Minako but there's at least a _reason_. That you can guess at, at any rate. Nobody has been able to understand Usagi's mood swings and I know those memories that the guy is force feeding her are probably to blame but she never even really mentions him and she doesn't seem to realize she's been making out with him either."

Mamoru groaned. "Rei, _she_ hasn't been, he's been the one doing all the kissing. He's forcing himself on her."

"And you're so different?" Minako wondered briefly, having heard about that kiss that had been removed as well.

"I've heard this already," and he didn't want to hear it again, mostly because he knew it was true.

Minako held his gaze for a long time and then she nodded. "So you need a new plan."

"I've already tried everything possible." Mamoru sighed and covered his face with his hands.

"The problem is that you've been weak and unsure and you've been cocksure and an ass. Usagi didn't fall in love with either of those new incarnation. She fell in love with the genuine person."

"Minako?" Makoto and Rei whispered in shock, partly at what she said and partly at who was saying it.

"It's the truth, I've been trying to deny and change it for so long but now I'm going to use what I know to help." Minako scowled at herself. "Though I still don't like it but I've now learned the hard way that it's for the best if these two get back together."

He had a moment of panic that came out of nowhere and was completely against everything he'd been working hard to accomplish the last several weeks. What if this was the cause of her death? What if trying to get her back confused her and left her weakened and her mind on something other than the task at hand? What if he pissed her off and refused his help? What if, and he knew it was nearly impossible but he got her back and because the relationship was so new that she wasn't assured in their love or herself and that's what got her killed?

Yes he knew the man infiltrating her dreams and memories was bad. Of course he did, but... wasn't he worse for her?

"I- I've got to go."

"What?" Everyone stared at him as if he'd lost his head.

"There's got to be something else. Some way that we can fill those gaps but not with me but a way to keep him from entering them."

"You really are afraid of your emotions, aren't you?" Makoto asked with derision.

"Not _my_ emotions." He refuted as he pushed himself to his feet and stumbled a little towards the door. "What if I do get her back? It just means that we're back to the start, where she becomes vulnerable and weak and-" He couldn't say the word, the word he could barely think and yet had to see over and over again in his dreams.

"So you're just going to let her go then? Is that it?" Rei asked with disbelief.

"I have to, don't I?"

"Now that we're all on your side, you decide to cut tail and run?" Minako laughed like she knew it all along and was just playing along until he showed his true colors. It could have been true. Rei and Makoto got to their feet, to do what exactly he wasn't sure but probably to restrain him and convince him of the error of his ways. "Just let the coward run."

He had nowhere else to turn but his feet brought him passed the Crown on his way home. Inside his only friend in the world was packing in for the night. The doors were still open, they would always be until just before Motoki left. Mamoru walked in and locked them behind him. Motoki didn't notice but no one else could be part of this conversation.

"Is there a place without CCTV?" At his words Motoki looked up from the task at hand and stared at his friend for a long time. Mamoru felt like he should be getting used to those measuring looks but he wasn't, they weirded him out but he had to stay perfectly still, and keep showing the emotion he knew they wanted to see.

Finally Motoki nodded and pointed to the back room and followed Mamoru in without saying a word. Once the door shut behind them in there, Motoki turned to his friend. "What is it?"

"I've got a lot to finally tell you." And so Mamoru did and shared all and sundry with his friend and did an amazing thing and didn't wipe his memories of it afterward. He trusted Motoki and it had taken him this long to realized that he trusted him completely. He had just been too scared to believe in that trust.

Even without Motoki saying anything to what Mamoru had to unload, things he hadn't even told the senshi yet, Mamoru started to realize exactly what the problem was.


	6. Just Just Don't

–

AN: Sorry, this is the same chapter you've already read, I just realized that I skipped chapter 5 in the updates, so I've fixed that error. So if you want to read something new, go back to that one?

–

Chapter 6:

Just... Just Don't

–

The extremes to which one could measure his idiotic stupidity was so great they ran out of words to describe it or numbers to count. It had been in front of him this entire time and he just realized it. If he had just believed in their love Usagi would have persevered, had he shown her just how deep the wells of his love were, unfathomable because they were bottomless, then she would have had the strength without ever once hurting her or changing her in anyway, she would have been stronger than ever.

There was just 1 vital fact that he had missed somewhere along the way in his dream-plagued state and lack of sleep, coming up with instant decisions that he thought he had worked through in that same space of time. Serenity and Usagi were completely different people, sure they shared the same face but they couldn't be more different. The only other similarity was the love they shared.

It was how they used it though that they were most different. Serenity never wavered in her assurance that he loved her, Usagi had never been sure of it. Serenity had been devastated at Endymion's death and had not been able to conceive of a way to live on so had taken her own life.

Usagi while similarly distressed over his death had walked away from his cooling body long enough to deliver the death blow to Metallica. Then she had fallen apart but never once had she reached for the sword. She had looked for another solution. Their love had been tested _then_ , they just hadn't worked through it, especially with all that followed and Usagi's love for him had always been strong and unwavering. While his was just as strong, he'd just expressed it through alternative personalities and had never once said it out loud.

God he was incredibly stupid.

Motoki kept a sympathetic look on his face while Mamoru worked it all out on his own. Once Mamoru settled down and sat on the couch back there and buried his head in his hands, Motoki laughed. It wasn't just a relieved laugh or an awkward laugh, but deep belly fulls and he didn't seem in a hurry to stop and when Mamoru looked up in annoyance at the fact that the world was falling apart, quite literally by his own hands, he saw Motoki wipe away tears of merriment.

"Why on Earth are you laughing?"

"Because it seems so easy to me. You're the one who shit on everything, it's up to you to clean it up, is it not? But like Minako said, you've been going about it all wrong. You don't have your history to rely on, not like before, not even when neither of knew about it. You don't have the same things you can make fun of her for, or practically anything now. You have to approach her as the new person she is and approach her like any man interested in a woman does when he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him. Granted though, you have to walk through piles of massive shit, your shit to get to her and she's well aware of the stench. Good luck with that one buddy."

"There's also the matter of her fan boys."

"Eh, she doesn't care about them and they let themselves get walked over, they're not _really_ interested. They'd love it if she let them into her pants but nothing else."

Mamoru growled at the image but Motoki was right and he was just the messenger. "Here I thought you'd be sympathetic and encouraging, instead you treat me the same way the girls have."

"I have been encouraging in turns, just like they have in their own ways but sometimes you need things said straight up. Usagi needed the sugar-coated version of things, you need the hard truths, you'll only respond to them that way." Motoki shrugged. "If she had broken up with you, I might have been a more comforting shoulder."

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "For her maybe." But he didn't resent it, it's what Usagi needed and deserved.

"Crash on the couch for the night. We'll start sorting this mess out tomorrow and come up with a plan of attack. You forget that I have the best position in the house to observe the new Usagi."

–

Surprisingly it was working out better than Mamoru had given his friend credit for. While he didn't make a move in several days after his two about-face turns, he did apologize to the girls for his behavior and explained a bit more about what he feared. Motoki gathered intel that the girls couldn't be privy to and Mamoru kept his distance to let Usagi cool off and forget about him for awhile. That way he could go up to her anew and fresh and do it the right way.

The right way though was as slow as molasses and he didn't think they had time for this.

It was getting him somewhere though. He didn't hang out with her at the arcade but he did join the girls for their days out and Motoki joined too, along with Naru and Umino. It was just her trusted circle of friends and him. She started to loosen up and relax around him, stopped giving him the death-eye.

He was pretty sure that was a new thing, some kind of combination between death-glare and stink-eye and Usagi combined them well.

He had to admit to himself now more than ever that this Usagi was so very different than the one he had known before. She was cynical and sarcastic and sometimes snarky. She never had any comeuppance about ordering people about but it wasn't even a bark, she just told them what to do and expected it to be done without any argument or worry that someone wouldn't comply.

In fact, perversely, Mamoru was attracted to this Usagi just as much as he'd been attracted to her complete opposite. Just as much as Endymion had been attracted to Serenity, even the faint attraction he had for Serenity as Mamoru even if her cloying bothered him in the dreams. A cloying he realized he'd manifested whereas the real Serenity had never done anything like that nor would she. She would have begged for him to find _her_ not the crystal or would have demanded to know his location so she could find him.

He worried about the man touching her at night and so would camp out in the trees but he never saw him there again but Kamen had fallen asleep on occasion but usually that's while the moon filtered into her room. Except the testy attitude on occasion, she never seemed worse for wear so the man wasn't hurting her in any real and actionable way.

It was all in her head.

A rare moment, and it really was rare, he found himself alone with Usagi and they were standing on a bridge looking over the sights in front of them and he found that his pinky was rubbing ever so lightly against her hand and she didn't pull away right away. She stiffened slightly and her fingers quivered but she didn't move.

He had forgotten about that momentary attraction dilating her pupils when he'd taken away her feelings. How he could forget such a thing, he didn't know, but it was buried under all the other stressors in association with her. It came back with a blunt force attack to his solar plexus and he realized he did still have an in besides making her used to his presence. He had a very powerful in, indeed. He just wouldn't overstep quite yet, Motoki had a game plan set up and he would have to follow his friend's advice. Though his friend was quite daft sometimes when it came to this sort of thing, Motoki had been panting after Makoto for over a year and yet still hadn't done anything about it though she returned his interest. He was still seeing that horrible Reika. No, he was wrong to call her that, she wasn't horrible, she just wasn't the right girl for him. Yet he was dragging his feet with her too. Mamoru wouldn't be surprised if Motoki ended up alone with neither of the brunettes.

Another thought assaulted him as they touched. He could take away her memories of this other man, he didn't know what he was looking for quite yet but he could hold her down and pull them all away once he dug through her brain. That would definitely slow _him_ down. Or it might cause a roar of anger to come flooding out and would pour all the memories back in with little regard to how it would affect her.

It was Mamoru who pulled away as he realized how easily he would have catapulted on that idea and probably would have done more irreparable damage to her himself. No, he couldn't be allowed to touch her, not without a specific goal in mind or else he would do all of the above at one time. She looked a little hurt at his action and then stood straighter as if reminding herself that he didn't matter.

"Usagi-"

"I've told you before Chiba-san, my given name is my own and only those I want to call me that shall." She gave him a direct look and then turned and walked away before he could explain himself.

Mamoru sighed and hoped he didn't blow it, yet again. "Dummy." Minako said as she walked by and slapped him up the head. "Always let her pull away first."

So maybe their alone time hadn't been quite so fortuitous or sporadic.

–

Life didn't change much over the next week. The only thing that really did was that Mamoru was falling in love with this Usagi more and more every minute of every day. She was so different from what he knew of her before and yet it was still Usagi, and he still loved all previous versions of her too.

Minako was asked to give Mamoru some guidance when it seemed Motoki was losing Mamoru's patience and interest. As self-proclaimed goddess of love, Minako was a wise option to go to and so far she hadn't really given any advice on how to woo Usagi.

So Mamoru decided to give it a try. He followed the muscular blond into her parents' home, for what exactly he didn't know but he had a feeling there were going to be pictures. She froze just passed the threshold and pushed him into a room and down onto a chair. She held a finger up to her lips for him to be quiet and he obeyed, he was feeling it now too. She had felt the disruption in the air but now he was feeling Usagi's presence too.

Neither had expected the smaller blond to be here and she couldn't know that he was, even if it was all perfectly innocent, because it wasn't, not really. It was a very thought-out plan to seduce her and she couldn't know her friends were involved. She'd never trust them again.

Minako went through the sliding door between his room and the one Usagi was in and she left it cracked so he could see. Usagi was sitting in the dark in a chair at the dining table and she was spinning a small blade around in her fingers. He winced at the idea of her getting cut by it at all and when he calmed down, he noticed her face, she looked pensive.

"Usa-chan, hey." Minako greeted nervously, her eyes on the knife. "Can I get you a pen or something?"

Usagi stilled and looked at Minako like she'd grown an extra head. "Why would I need a pen?"

"It's easier to spin."

Usagi looked ominous sitting there with the light from the hallway spilling through and lighting up part of her face and her holding a knife, no matter how small, and tossing it about almost carelessly screamed dangerous. "If it makes you feel better." She shrugged and set the knife down and Minako replaced it with a pen. "Do you really think I can't hurt anyone with a pen?" While it was supposed to be a joke, the pain in her voice took away all humor.

"What was the knife for, Usagi?" Minako thought Usagi was going to hurt herself with it too, but in a different way than Mamoru. Mamoru thought she might just nick herself. He was wondering what the senshi were keeping from him now.

"It was to help me concentrate. I have a problem and I can't quite work it out on my own. I've been trying but it hasn't worked." Throughout her words, her voice was fraying and finally she looked up and the light caught her face and highlighted the tears running unchecked down her cheeks.

Mamoru started but held himself back from going in there and gathering her into his arms. She wouldn't appreciate his comfort and he wasn't supposed to be there.

Minako was already there, pulling the girl into her arms, putting the pen aside and sitting across the chair, across Usag's lap and holding her before asking the all important question. "What happened?"

Usagi didn't say anything for a moment and then she pushed her guardian off of her. "Minako-" There was a warning note in her voice. "Shesh, I forgot that you guys like to touch me so much."

The pain that etched across Minako's face when she turned was not something Mamoru envied, he knew far too well how that felt. "Sorry, Hime." Minako bowed her head seeking forgiveness.

Usagi waved it off as if she really didn't care. This side to her, had Mamoru clenching his jaw, this was her hurting and pushing others away, something no version of her before would have done. It probably wasn't even _her_ doing it. He'd seen how she had sagged into Minako's embrace for all of a second before she realized that shouldn't be happening. "Demando's back."

"Oh?" Minako had a hand behind her back in Mamoru's direction waving him down before he even realized he'd gotten to his feet, his hands clenched. She sounded completely neutral.

"Yes." Usagi smiled. "It was good to see him, he's been gone for far too long."

"Remind me, where did he go?" Minako asked sitting on the table now, completely unprofessional. "And why did he go?"

"He had to oversee the rebuilding of his planet after what the Earth Prince did to it." Usagi frowned. "I've told you that a hundred times."

"Right, right, sorry, I just forgot for a moment." Minako held up a finger behind her back and surprisingly it wasn't the middle one. It was telling him to wait. "So it's good that he's back?"

"Of course it is, he's my husband."

Minako's choking was louder than his and Usagi looked at her friend oddly. "Husband? Since when? You're only 16."

"In our past lives. Are you feeling all right Minako? I know we've been on the Earth for a long time now and it has influenced us greatly but you forgetting all of this is kind of scary."

"You have no idea how scary this situation is." Minako said loudly enough for Maomru to hear her and he didn't need her reminders or censor, he understood it far better than her. "So what happened when he came back?"

Usagi let her gloss right over forgetting, it was as if her memories were fragmented too. "Well he was just there, right in front of me and I went in for a hug because I've missed him so- and... well, I think my feelings have waned for him. There wasn't any of that excitement or thrill that I used to have when I was in his arms. It's weird because I remember it so vividly, how much I loved just being near him, and it wasn't like it was something that was just going to disappear. Not that. He went to kiss me and I couldn't do it. I turned my face and he kissed my cheek. He was annoyed but he didn't criticize me, only sighed and said it _had_ been a long time, we needed to get to know each other again."

Minako wasn't breathing, neither was he. Demando was flesh and blood now and he'd already approached Usagi and didn't get the reaction he'd wanted. What was next?

"So that's what we're going to do. It's odd though because when I think about him and pull up the memories, I still get that buzz. When I saw him in person, it wasn't there. What could it mean, Minako?"

"You're going to see him again?" Minako asked tightly, using what little remained of her breath. Usagi nodded. "When?"

"Friday evening." She shrugged. "Part of me is really looking forward to it and part of me doesn't care at all. I'm so confused, I can't work it out."

"It's almost like he's another person in your memories with a face slapped over it." Minako suggested, but... it didn't make sense, because Mamoru had removed the feelings, even the thrill and excitement. Had Demando recreated those feelings, just those? Usagi hadn't mentioned anything about love, was he unable to insert feelings of love into her? "Do you love him?" Minako finally asked what both wanted to know.

"I think so." Usagi shrugged as if it didn't matter. "Though how it's possible, I don't know." A hand fluttered to her waist and then quickly away again.

"My memory is being a little hazy about the moon." Minako breathed softly and it was hard to hear her. "When did you meet?"

"Shortly before the Earth attacked us. It was a whirlwind romance and it was love at first sight. We married the day the attack happened." Usagi sneered. "It's a good thing that the Earth is now royal-less, or else I might have killed the remaining heir myself."

"Tell me what you remember about Beryl." Minako had a moment of panic that was greater than anything they'd seen from her so far and Mamoru cocked his head to the side, wondering why that was important.

"The same thing you probably do. I fought her and you managed to kill her with your sword from behind."

"Why were you almost killed?" Minako asked, hoping to unlock a piece of her friend's memory here and now, a very important piece. Mamoru tried to remember how it was left, of course he couldn't alter her memories, he just left gaping holes in them that she had to fill herself.

"Some- someone was hurt. Someone was down." Usagi said slowly and then hissed out a painful breath. "I don't know, one of the senshi?"

"And how did you feel about it?"

"I didn't have any feelings about it." Enlightenment came upon her. "Was it the Earth Prince? Was he held by Beryl just like his generals and I went to finish him off?" There was almost a glee in her voice. "Though I remember hearing about him on the Moon early on, I don't ever remember meeting him or have the faintest idea what he looked like, just knew that he existed. Though his generals I have a lot of memories about, I remember being on the Earth and talking to them before they were evil."

Mamoru almost groaned as he put his head into his hands. He really hadn't done a thorough enough job taking her memories. Not that it would have helped anything if he had taken those memories, this was probably a blessing in disguise but he prided himself on doing nothing in half measures and he was just told that he had. Yet he perversely hadn't taken away the knowledge that an Earth prince had existed. He hadn't completely wiped himself from her memory. This whole time he was torturing himself, thinking he had removed himself from the course of history if she couldn't remember him.

"Yes." Minako replied simply and he frowned, she hadn't said that he was good. "But you didn't go to kill him. You went to save him."

"Then why don't I remember him?" Usagi frowned right along with him. "Did I save him?"

"Yes." Minako said simply again. "He's no longer evil though he is a fool and a complete idiot. Sometimes I wonder if Beryl didn't damage his brain irreversibly somewhere along the way."

"What happened to him?"

"He's around, like a bad wart that just won't go away." Minako sneered but then pulled herself up short. "He's not actually that bad, he's just lacking a heart, a brain and courage."

"He sounds like all of the Wizard of Oz characters rolled into one." Usagi snickered. "Sounds kind of familiar actually – hey – no, Mamoru?"

Mamoru ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and asked the deities above _why?_

"I think it's because he didn't have a life to begin with, he's just sponging off of others, pretending he's a human." Minako didn't give verbal confirmation that Usagi was right but her words all but did it for her.

"I'm going to kill him." Usagi shot to her feet. "Where does he live?"

"Why would you kill him?" Minako asked curiously, not telling her friend not to do it.

"Because he helped bring down the Moon and our homes, he demolished Demando's home planet with a flick of his wrist. I'm going to make sure he doesn't for a second get a chance to do so again."

"If he did that, it was while he was under Beryl's control." These were all lies but Mamoru held his breath because it might just be his in. "You saved him, he's completely human now and makes human mistakes. Are you really going to kill him now in cold blood?"

Usagi settled back into her chair. "When put like that, no. Demando won't like it. He thinks the prince is dead."

"That prince is." They were all surprised that Demando had even mentioned the Earth Prince, but then again, if she remembered him, the question would eventually be asked, especially because they were living on his planet. "A new one, a hopefully better one, once he receives all that he's missing, is alive."

"Why don't I remember him existing since the fight with Beryl? He's been around, I know he has, he's best friends with Motoki."

"He's been lying low, Motoki has been his only friend for awhile now and after watching him with the blond man, we've decided we should let him have more friends, we've been friendly towards him recently. You don't remember him because the fight with Beryl knocked around some of your memories." Minako was being so kind to him, he was starting to get suspicious. Just because she'd given into the notion of them being together again, she still didn't like him.

"So since he passed the test with Motoki, you've decided to let him near your princess?" It was a good question.

"Yes, no." Minako sighed. "We decided to keep him where we could see him. You've never been completely alone with him. We've always been watching, seeing what he'd do. He hasn't tried anything."

"It doesn't make sense Minako." Usagi rubbed her forehead. "It's very bad tactics. It just lets me trust him a tiny bit and if he were to attack eventually I would never have known it to be him and my guard would have been done."

Minako heaved a big breath and threw herself into the chair opposite Usagi, giving up. "All right fine, it's all lies. I'm only good at acting when I have a script to follow. Artemis gave me that script when I pretended to be you and anything off script was easy because I had the memories of you as the princess and it was vitally important that you remained safe. This whole load of cow manure is too deep for me to get a solid footing. I thought I had it there for a moment and then I slipped and mucked the whole thing up. Then again, it's not my muck to begin with."

Usagi stared at her head guard with something akin to horror. "What lies?"

"Mamoru _is_ Endymion but he was your husband on the Moon, not Demando. It _was_ a whirlwind romance that led to marriage in a very short amount of time, but almost a year before the attack on the Moon. Your mother had found out and insisted that we had a real wedding instead of the one the Earth had provided for you. Very different customs and vows, but it made it legal in both kingdoms. Beryl attacked then, not sure why, it had already been made public that the two of you were already married. Maybe she had something against a second wedding, I haven't the foggiest and I've never been able to ask her." Minako's face clouded over as she realized that wasn't quite true, she had a moment on the Moon when she could have but had been too grief-stricken to contemplate asking.

"Why don't I remember this, if _this_ is the truth?" Usagi pushed herself to her feet. "Or is this more lies?" She started to pace. "What happened? Did he abuse me? How does Demando play into all of this?" She whirled onto Minako. "Maybe Mamoru is manipulating _you_."

"No, Usagi, he's not." Minako ambled to her feet too. "Mamoru was a dog's ass and wiped your memories clean of him, took your feelings for him too."

"Why?" She sounded shocked and appalled and very confused about what would drive someone to do that.

"He said he had his reasons and he tried to explain them but I never understood. All of my memories are intact, there's not a single moment missing other than the usual fade that happens. The other girls too. He can only take, not create. It's a curse that I've seen in him from the very beginning, it's all he knows how to do."

He wanted to argue, but there was no arguing, it was true enough. "Then I should let Demando kill him."

"No." Minako's words were sharp. "Mamoru might be a lot of things but he is not evil. He doesn't deserve death. A lifetime of pain, sure, but not death. It will throw this entire planet out of balance and what's worse, is that Demando is worse." Minako blinked at her words and tried to run through them again, sure that something was wrong with her statement but found nothing glaringly horrible. "Demando is not from our past and I'm not sure he's even from our present, he's come to change the course of history."

"Maybe it'll be better this way." Usagi tilted her head. "I loved him once, I can learn to love him again."

"That's just it, Usagi-chan, you never have. He's been sneaking into your room at night and force-feeding you memories and feelings. Doesn't it snag, just a little when you put those memories into context? Do they make any sense then?"

Usagi thought about it and hung her head. "So those are my choices huh? A man who takes everything about himself away from me and regrets it so tries to slid back in somehow or a man who tries to take another's spot forcefully?" Usagi's face lifted again and this time it was anger in her eyes. "You're the worst friend ever Minako! You're a horrible guard and protector, you've let all of this happen! You've fostered it and fed it and I don't know if I can take your words about him either. There's no proof! I can't find him in my memories and Demando just fits like a square too large for the circular hole in my brain, even eating part of the other memories to try to make himself fit better.."

"Usa-chan." Minako held out a hand.

Usagi pulled away. "No! You're not allowed to call me that either. In private it's Hime-sama and in public it's Tsukino-san. We're no longer friends, you're very lucky I don't take away your senshi powers and position too but that's just cutting off my nose and until I have all of my facilities back I am in no condition to make those kinds of decisions. Consider yourself very lucky." Then she stormed out and Minako sagged to the floor and cried.

Mamoru heard the private words she spoke. "I do, lucky, oh I do."

He waited a bit, not wanting to oversee such emotion and not wanting to run into Usagi right now either, she might not feel so magnanimous towards him. He didn't for one second think that Minako would appreciate him even attempting to comfort her. Minako might still stab him on her own volition, even if she argued the opposite not too long ago.

"Mamoru!" She stood up suddenly just as his hand closed over the front door's knob. "You can't go after her!"

"I wasn't going to. She's too volatile right now." Mamoru would have to tell Motoki about the change in their plans though.

"I'm sorry I let it all out that way." Minako wiped at her face, the tears were gone. "I should have called for an intervention or something. I reacted badly to the news that Demando was solid. While you can't go after her, you have to watch her tonight. He's going to be mad that his plans are backfiring and he'll probably try something new."

Mamoru sighed and shook his head. "She'll see me in the tree tonight. Despite the memories and feelings being gone, she still _feels_ me and now she'll put the pieces together on why." And it was the first time he realized that he could play that to his advantage as well.

Though... she hadn't felt him today. Was that because of Demando's actions too?

Minako wiped at her eyes as stubborn tears fell again. "It's a chance you'll have to take because the rest of us pass out when Demando comes near. Only you are immune to his powers. I'm so glad we have a name now."

Mamoru agreed, there was more than just a face for his rage to vent on now. Though the girls didn't even have that before. "Have Luna call me when she falls asleep."

"Of course." Minako gave a smile that reminded him of a shark. "I always thought of Usagi as Rapunzel but now I'm starting to see her as Sleeping Beauty."

"That wasn't her name." Mamoru pointed out, though how _he_ knew about fairy-tales they wouldn't discuss. "It was Briar Rose, if you're going to use their real names, rather than titles." He finished lamely, because really truly, they had been both and none of it actually mattered.

Minako stared at him for a moment and then she laughed. "You really are human, aren't you? You just do a better job hiding your idiotic thoughts usually."

He didn't voice all of them, no, but sometimes he should so someone could stop him before he got going on it. "I better go." Mamoru had a long night ahead of him. He would have slept in Usagi's tree regardless of the command.

"Thank you." Minako said as he left but he wasn't sure why.

–

Luna opened the window once her charge was asleep and sat there on the ledge staring at him, her tail flicked around her body in defense, as if he intended to harm _her_ as well. "You better not milk this to your advantage."

"Isn't that what everyone actually wants?" He countered softly as he looked passed her at said charge.

"Not in that way. Maybe for it to get to an easier footing, something a little less close than what it was before."

Mamoru scowled, he wasn't entirely sure he liked that idea either. The moon was still shining into Usagi's room and a door opened, he slid back into the tree and Luna turned and gave a cat-like whine at the intrusion and settled down into her bed again.

Reni frowned at the open window but didn't see Kamen within it. She sank onto the bed next to Usagi and placed a hand on her cheek. "I wish I could undo it all." She whispered to the older teen. "I don't know what went wrong here but I respect your wishes to stay out of your life, the girls' lives and lay low. I just wish I could have known you better like this, known him. I didn't realize you'd become so cold without him or would warm up so much once he was in your life. But I still see it." She chided the one asleep. "I saw it when I first came so much more, I still see it on occasion. I just don't get it and now these tears." She wiped away the tears that still fell, even in sleep. "What's causing them, I wonder?" She glanced again towards the open window and the moving light of the Moon. "I can't stay long, I can only do what I can when he doesn't realize I'm here. I wish he never followed me back. It's ruining everything."

Mamoru and Luna listened to the one-sided conversation with rapt attention. It was the first time Mamoru had heard the girl speak, and she sounded a lot like her cousin but with a serious tone that he couldn't quite place and it didn't seem like it was only for this moment. Reni laughed and came over to Luna and scratched her ears. "One day you and I will have to sit down for a chat too." She told the cat and then closed and locked the window before she walked out, silently closing the door. Moments later the Moon disappeared completely from Usagi's room and Mamoru was going to rip the damn window from it's casing but Demando was in and out so quickly that Mamoru couldn't even reach the window in time. How had he done that? And he'd taken Usagi with him.

Luna woke up with a furious Kamen at the window and she blinked at him in confusion, opened the window and he was in and through the door Reni had closed not long before. He knew this house well, knew which room they would have put the visiting teen. He stormed into her room and grabbed her shoulders. She wasn't in bed yet and she let out a squeak, ready to scream when all of a sudden she stopped, narrowed her eyes at him and squinted, trying to see beyond his mask and then she started laughing.

Kamen shook her but Reni couldn't stop laughing. He hefted her over his shoulder, went back to Usagi's room, making sure to close the doors as he went, scooped up a spitting Luna and then headed for the shrine, a meeting was now in session.

–

EAN: So... I'm glad things didn't go exactly according to plan with Demando and Reni. There's an E/AN about them somewhere later too that I wrote before I wrote a majority of the story, just the outline. I had gotten stuck for a moment trying to figure out how to work them in once I mentioned them and I had the scene with Usagi and Minako in my head for a bit but it hadn't been all planned out, just the general sense of it and then when I went to write it in context, it worked out for the best. The rest that followed helped bridge a few gaps too that I wasn't sure how to fix. Now the story is perfect, or nearly so, I'm sure there's plenty of typos and whatnot.


	7. Let Me Just Explain

Chapter 7

Let Me Just Explain

–

"I always knew there was something fishy about you." Minako said as soon as she entered the room with the remaining 3 senshi, Mamoru and the younger teen. "The way you've pretended to want nothing to do with Usagi and then... well, actually, that's all I've got."

Luna padded in behind. "She's always been there after Demando, she takes away Usagi's fears about the memory implantation."

No one worried about Reni knowing that Luna and Artemis could talk. Now that they had the resident mind-wiper, they could just remove any incriminating evidence or anything she might use against them. Mamoru hadn't been asked if he was ok with that, he lost all of his privileges when he used it on the princess.

Reni was gagged and they all talked at her, she rolled her eyes at Luna's words. They had gagged her when she couldn't stop laughing and they worried that it was meant to do something to them. Now she seemed calmer and they were ready to hear her answers now that they were all gathered.

There was always a worry that this was the plan all along, wipe them out with one swipe rather than hunt them all down, but it was the way they would prefer to go.

They removed her gag and just waited. She looked like she was waiting too. "Well?" Makoto asked.

"You haven't exactly asked me any direct questions, just made observations and ignored my physical responses." Reni lifted an arched brow high and they all were a little flummoxed by the action. She wasn't concerned in the slightest.

"What's the plan?" Ami asked.

"Depends on who's plan you're looking to uncover." Reni turned her head. "Dad, could you be a dear and scratch my ear for me? It's been bothering me for 10 minutes."

Nobody moved and then all eyes went to the two males in the room. Artemis held up his right paw. "Do I look like the type to breed a humanoid daughter?"

"Well, you have one actually, but no, you're not my father. The man who pulled me from my room is." Reni tilted her head further. "Dearest daddy?" She reminded him about her itch and he reached out and scratched it absentmindedly, shock had taken away all other reactions.

"That's sick." Rei made a face. "How old were you? You couldn't have been more than..." She scratched the back of her neck, nobody was really sure how old Mamoru was, some said 18, others, 21.

Mamoru rolled his eyes, that had snapped him out of it and he moved away from Reni. "While I do have a few issues remembering my childhood, I highly doubt my parents would have let me father another child when I was one myself. I don't even think it's physically possible at that age. To father a child, I mean, not the other thing."

A round of blushes passed through the room.

Artemis cleared his throat awkwardly. "Is nobody going to ask about what she meant when she said _I_ have a humanoid daughter?"

"Spoilers." Reni grinned, so glad that she let Minako talk her into watching that really bad quality filming, which, these days was actually pretty good.

"Haven't you given the biggest spoiler of all by telling us who your father is?" Luna asked, jumping up onto Reni's lap and putting a paw onto her face. "Who's your mother?"

"As if _that_ isn't giving the game away too." Reni shook her head, dislodging the paw in the process but hadn't been her intent. "Who do you _think_? I urge you to think really hard about all the pieces you have at your disposal."

Mamoru gulped and took several steps away from the group, putting the couch between them and himself. "I haven't touched her like that, I _swear_."

"Not in this lifetime." Reni said darkly. "I thought you hadn't even entered the picture yet. What are you waiting for? A second apocalypse? Because guess what? You have it now!"

"Definitely his daughter." Rei said and murmurs of agreement went through the room.

Reni deflated. "Will someone at least go and try to save my mother from the horrors she's no doubt facing right now?"

"We know nothing about him. You were our lead until this moment and you might still have a lot of keys to unlocking the secret. Since you're you." Everyone ignored Minako but Reni, she was looking at the blond in deep thought, there was something just out of reach, that she was trying to work out.

"What were you doing to her then?" Mamoru asked. "If not making it easier for Demando to infiltrate her brain."

"I was trying to stave it off. The senshi made things so much worse with their involvement and I saw her slow decent into hell accelerate. _You_ did something, didn't you?" Reni's eyes widened with understanding. "You made it all possible." Her eyes hardened. "You're a horrible, horrible person. This never happened in my parents' time."

"So she lived?" Mamoru asked as if he had been punched in the solar plexus. "She didn't die because of me? At my hand?"

Reni shook her head. "No. Though nobody wanted to talk about it, they still had to prepare me for my trip. Apparently at some point I was very young when I went through and caused a whole host of problems that they wanted to avoid. The enemy got pushed off for 8 years somehow. Some decision that got changed and because of that I was older when I got sent back but to the same time here. That's been a loop that hasn't broken. I don't think it will ever be."

"Why the dreams?"

"What dreams?" Reni asked and Mamoru realized it was something he'd need to ask his future self, or something he'd realize in time. When no more came forth about the dreams she shrugged. "I don't know what happens next. I was told just to stay low and help in whatever ways I could, and when I heard Usagi crying out in terror, I knew I could help slow the process. He's trying to take my mother away from me. I knew I would live with her, I was happy about it but I only get to see her when our paths intersect at home. The rest of the time, I had to live as if I were just a cousin visiting for a long period of time. I never saw her with my father, so I figured he hadn't entered the picture yet in this lifetime. I knew about the silver millennium. They didn't hide that fact from me. I wish I had known that the two of them had broken up or something. I might have changed tactics then." Reni scowled. "Mom should have told me but she was kind of absent in the planning. She knew I was going but said she could barely remember it and hadn't realized until afterward that I was her daughter."

"Oh. Oh." Ami started typing something into her tablet. "This is good, very good. It all makes a kind of sense. Damn though... he gets away with this one." Everyone just stared at the genius as if she had finally cracked and she looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Go on. I'm good now."

Reni shrugged. "That's pretty much it on my end. I'm not sure where he would have taken her." She glanced down at her bondage. "Think someone can untie me now?"

"How do we _really know_ you're who you say you are?" Minako asked skeptically but Makoto just reached over and untied the girl. "Oh, we're not doing that anymore?"

"Where do we go from now?"

No one had any answers, Mamoru's bond with Usagi was faint on good days right now and Ami had been unable to track her. Rei's fire didn't work that way, no matter how many times she's screamed at it in the past to do so.

"Do we just wait until he brings her back?" Rei asked, not liking the idea, their princess would be changed in some way then, either through death or through complete brainwashing. Maybe she'd be less moody then though. Rei's lips twitched at her joke but knew nobody would find the humor in it, because she didn't, not really. She bowed her head so no one saw her laughing at her own thoughts, she was supposed to be one of the serious ones.

All of them said _no_ but none of them could _do_ anything. Mamoru might have been able to fill in for Usagi's space on the teleport but they had no destination in mind and it would take too much energy to keep doing so. At least with Beryl they'd known almost from the beginning where she was hiding out, they just weren't strong enough to go right away.

" _Key!_ " Reni suddenly shouted standing up. "Of _course_. He wouldn't just stay here, not when all of you are so strong at the moment and his strength in this realm and time so weak without the planet being in the solar system yet."

"What are you talking about?" Ami was scanning through planetary movements to try and understand.

"He brought his entire planet with him to this solar system, stationed it around the Earth like the Moon. It's a small planet with very little land-mass and so acts more like Pluto than anything else with an ellipse pattern. Mom and dad were mad because it was messing with so many things on Earth, tides were rising in some areas, lowering in others, days were shortening because the planet would blot out the sun more often. Nights were darker because the planet doesn't reflect light like the moon but soaks it in and would overshadow the moon on occasion too, not to mention what it was doing to the plants and the rest of the ecosystem."

"How can that even be possible?" Ami asked befuddled. Reni shrugged, she didn't know, nor really care. Ami tapped her chin for a second. "That does make some sense though on why he would come when the moon wasn't in her room, I always thought it was because of her bond with it and how the moon would decimate his non-corporeal form. There's probably truth to that too, but this would add to it, because his planet isn't here in this time and needs less interfering with his connection. I'm not sure how he came to be here in the flesh or how he took her but... I'm starting to."

"He came through the time gate." Reni rolled her eyes at the resident genius. "Just like I did."

"Time... gate?" Ami squawked. "Why haven't I heard of this before?"

"You... might want to stop talking before you give her a brain explosion." Minako tried to usher Reni into another room but the girl held her ground even as Ami disappeared into a fugue state.

"So, why did he send his ghost ahead of him?" Makoto asked, the only one prepared to deal with this. Minako _should_ have since she was such a Doctor Who junkie, but Reni wondered if that show had even begun yet.

Makoto didn't care about the details, she just looked at things as fact and tried to use them or see how they were used for her. "That's a good question, and I imagine it's because he didn't have a key." Reni returned to her previous intention when bringing this all up. "I _do_ have a key and thankfully it's not a one-time use key though Pluto is going to be really mad at me." Reni rubbed her forehead. "If she hasn't already figured out where I've gone."

"What do we do once we're there?" Makoto asked.

"Find my father, he's been through all this before, so he should know where to go."

"If he's done all this before, then why didn't he put a stop to it?" Rei's eyes sharpened almost dangerously onto the girl.

"You can't mess with the time stream, once something gets changed, it's changed eternally." A new voice filled the room. All eyes turned to the woman and she was a _woman_. "I heard my name. It's not very often it gets said back here." She shrugged. "Since Demando went back and Mamoru had to find Usagi then Endymion knew what happened and so he could tell Mamoru, it's a loop and if you disrupt part of it then Endymion never knew what would happen in his younger years and he could never tell Mamoru. Endymion knew the exact moment Mamoru did the first time it got messed up."

"Ow." Rei winced as she tried to think through that, whereas Makoto just shrugged, made sense to her because she didn't think too hard about it and took it at face value. It was the chicken and egg game all over again, but why couldn't they both exist at the same time? Though logically the egg came first and was a mutation of some other animal that laid it, so really the question was, what was the very first form of life on Earth and where did _it_ come from? Except that was far beyond what they were talking about.

Pluto held out her hand for the key. "Let's go bring your future momma back to this time so she can live her life and then have you in the future so you can come back and save her again." Reni handed her the key and Pluto smiled kindly at Reni. The rest gathered closer, not sure why they instantly believed _her_ either but they did. Before they did anything though, Pluto swung her staff around and smacked Mamoru in the head. "I can't do that to your future self, but what you've done is absolutely terrible. I hope when you catch up to your future self, you change the _message_. There's too much room for interpretation right now."

Mamoru rubbed his head, he was seeing spots but he understood her message. "Got it."

Pluto sighed and spun her staff again before slamming it down onto the floor. "Hey!" Rei protested the damage but the staff clanged loudly against marble and didn't go through the bamboo. "Woah."

They were in a realm that nobody had ever seen before. There was only 1 thing of interest in the otherwise blank space, no doors, no windows, just the same bland colored marble without even the slightest pattern to it. There was a crystal door leaning against one of the walls. You could walk around it, or crawl if you went behind it. Minako reached for the handle but Pluto knocked her hand away and Minako transformed instantly, reaching for her chain, ready to fight but paused when Pluto stood still, the staff back by her side.

Venus settled down and didn't release her hold on her transformation, it was better this way in the end. "Only 3 people can touch the gate without a key, otherwise they get shattered into the timestream, never quite whole, lost in their own form of hell and chaos, seeing history but unable to participate. It's why Demando could only go at night, in the dark, he was stronger than most but he had a tie back in his realm helping him stay together. Eventually all parts of him were able to merge together and become whole. Taking Usagi with him was the only way he could ensure going back through it again as a whole being. Otherwise he'd have to piece himself together again and that takes too much time."

"The others though-"

"Were never whole, that's why they were all slightly derranged, they were sent through and only most of them got pulled back together. You'll find fragments of them throughout history, never outright your enemy and sometimes they're friends, there one day but gone the next. A mention of someone who disappears without a word. You've all had friends like this, ones who seemed so real and then poof, gone from memory and physical location. You might see them again somewhere else, doing something else totally unrelated to you, through a different means. They're just not whole people and the one you knew is different than the one on that image, doing that thing. Same person, different part of them. They might not even remember you."

A chorus of shudders went through those around her. "Then how do we get to the future without losing ourselves?"

"With a key."

"Wait, you said 3 people?" Ami finally spoke.

"Myself, the Queen and the Princess." Pluto laid a hand on Reni's shoulder. "She never needed the key, it did however help her focus on a single location and it has memories of where it was used before so it can go back to that time a lot easier. It was more for the rest of you."

"But- Usagi-"

"Is also the princess, in the future she's the Queen."

"Selenity-"

"Never used the time gates. She was tempted, oh was she ever and she stood right here and almost touched them and then she asked to be returned home, to the moment that went down in history as her death. She was just about an hour older than most people assumed."

"What did she want to do?" Reni asked this time in innocent curiosity.

"She wanted to go back in time and change Serenity's fate. Only the 3 of us can change history and still retain what it was like originally, know how it changed as well as remember the changes. Yet Selenity knew without once experiencing it, that Serenity would never live long without her prince and the prince would never live long as long as Beryl was alive. Beryl would have always drained the life out of him in some way or other and killing Beryl at that time was only like cutting off the head of a snake. No, there needed to be at least 2 victors of that fight and none of you were ready to take on that mantle. You needed Serenity's death to spur you on."

"Yeah all right, can we go already?" Mamoru hadn't needed her death, that fear had lived inside him every day as Endymion and then it came true. As Mamoru he had it even worse, knowing that Moon put herself in danger at every fight, that it was Usagi who could die and the memories of Serenity's death by her own hand, that he had made it possible by dying.

Pluto rolled her eyes. "Time gate." She repeated for his benefit. "Meaning that while we're using time here, it doesn't matter because we come out there at the same time, no matter what."

"Puu-" Reni started, because that wasn't necessarily true, it had to be after Demando finished the attack on the palace and came to Earth-past and stolen Usagi out of her bed.

Pluto shushed her, enjoying the torture she caused Mamoru but not wanting to cause Usagi any, but looking around, it was causing the rest of the senshi anguish as well as Reni. Pluto sighed. "Nobody gets it, do they?" She shook her head and unlocked the door for them. "Well in you go, now that it's open, time moves as normal."

They all looked at it hesitantly, Pluto's warning still forefront in their minds. "Oh I give up on you all, you really do get a lot smarter with more years." Reni dived in and Mamoru reached for her to stop her, she could hurt herself doing that but he wasn't fast enough and she disappeared. His … _daughter_?

He jumped in after her, not feeling protective of her yet, it was too new of a sensation but it was already growing in his chest. He didn't know what happened with the others, he landed on his feet, just like Reni and he gave her a chiding look about going head first but she smirked back. She had gotten his finesse afterall and had rolled mid-air to land on her feet. Usagi would have broken her neck.

It seemed like eternity and after a minute or two of waiting where they stood, Mamoru and Reni sauntered over to a ruined column and sat down on it to wait some more. Ami came out first, realizing after a moment or two exactly what had been said throughout their entire discussion and she came over to sit with the rest of them.

The other three got pushed out as one massive ball and they landed painfully in a heap of limbs. Pluto landed next to them almost as if she was floating down and prodded them apart with her staff. "Come on, you're wasting time now."

"That's what you said before you pushed us." Rei complained and they flattened out onto the ground before tenderly standing up, groaning as they did so.

"One would think it's Usagi who caused this mess." Mamoru commented almost smugly as he looked at the image they'd made.

"She _did_ , she got kidnapped." Minako responded and that straightened everyone out. It was all fun and games until they remembered exactly what could happen to their leader and princess.

"Hey, Pluto, I know you said all this happened before, but is it possible for history to change? For Usagi to die?"

"It's entirely possible. Things have changed before." She swept a hand towards Reni. "The first time she went back in time she was 5 years old. Something happened and she went back the next time at 13. Endymion had black hair at one point, now he doesn't."

"Hey- wait, _what_?"

"Save your vanity for someone who cares." Rei snipped at him.

"The point is, it doesn't change too often but one small decision has ripple effects. Thankfully it hasn't been anything major or overly negative but that doesn't mean it couldn't. Waiting too long to save Usagi, now that would definitely have horrible consequences and we might not be here in the future having this conversation. This might be the last time."

"Got it, going now." They all stood up, brushed themselves off and looked around, wondering where they were going to.

"Can we start with finding my mother?" Reni asked tentatively.

"Yes of course darling but you already know what happened to her, it's why he followed you into the past."

"I know but I want to see her again. It happened all so quickly and I fear the image in my head is worse than reality and it would be nice if reality could set my imagination straight."

Pluto nodded. "I understand. We'll find the King there too."

They followed Pluto to the heart of the ruined palace and it took them until almost that moment to realize that's what they were in. In the courtyard there was one shining piece that looked untouched to the ravages around it. It wasn't licked with black ash up it's side as fire burned the rest, it wasn't broken and half falling off after someone caused an explosion or bulldozed the area.

On a pedestal of epic quality was a crystal orb, cradled in a crescent shaped gold clasp. Someone might have uttered the word 'symbolism' if they weren't so entranced with the larger than human sized version of the moon rod. Yet it wasn't Usagi's moon rod, not the pink child-like toy she used to beat bad-guys and heal people. No this was etched and carved and detailed with the fanciest script they've ever seen but it wasn't words, at least not words they knew.

At the base of the pedestal was a lump of gun-metal gray and as they approached it moved and they saw that it was thrown at the base, almost worshiping the ground the wand-like object rested on.

When they moved closer, the figure rose in a disjointed motion and turned to them, sword drawn and blocking their path. They all gasped as they took in the man with half of his face disfigured but they knew who he was. The other half of his hair was gone, singed and burned away. It was so odd, half of his face was disfigured but his hair was fine on that side, the other half had a normal face and missing hair. "I'd turned and swooped." The man told them through lips that barely moved but understood their looks and attitude, and it wasn't all in pity. "The attack caught the side of my head but the movement wasn't slowed down and it went across." He looked at them with the sword still raised to defend. "What do you want?"

"To see what you are guarding." Venus told him, the only one who was in senshi form besides Pluto.

Endymion stared at her with his one good eye. "The younger." He finally acknowledged and scowled. "I don't miss _you_."

"Yeah well, I'm sure the feeling's mutual." Venus snarked back.

"Dad?" Reni ventured forward and stopped at Venus' side. She didn't really know this girl, didn't really know any of them besides Usagi.

"Reni." He breathed on a sharp hiss. He half turned so she couldn't see his face. The love he felt for his daughter was felt by all of them.

"Oh, dad!" She came forward and bypassed the sword that hadn't moved and went to hug her father but went through him. "What-" She stood up and her back pressed against the crystal.

"I'm healing even as we speak." Endymion turned his good side towards her and lowered his arm. "I was ineffectual at protecting your mother the way I was and so I put this hologram up in my steed. It's more just a warning to keep people at bay, I cannot do anything like this, just like my body was unable to do anything."

"Ponce." Venus muttered for Mamoru and Endymion's benefit. "I'm in hell." She suddenly wined as both sets of blue eyes landed on her after that word. "There's _two_ of you!"

"Not helping, Venus." Endymion cut in sharply. "By now Usagi has been taken."

They all nodded. "I wanted to see mom." Reni turned to the crystal behind him and gasped and sank to her knees in front of it. "No, no, no."

Endymion put his hand on her shoulder but she couldn't feel him and he couldn't touch her. "She is not dead." He reassured her. "Not yet and if I can help it, not ever."

"What are you going to do? You're worse than a ghost." Venus cut in.

"That's why I sent for you to help."

"Sure, get us to do your work for you." Venus snided.

Endymion for once ignored her remarks. "You cannot save Usagi, you can only help her to save herself. Even as we speak, she is no longer in control of the situation."

"Where is she?"

"On their planet, up there." Endymion pointed to the now stationary planet that was sitting just above the palace. How did no one see that before? It wasn't like it was tiny or anything, it was as big as a harvest moon. The only consolation was that it was night time and the planet was dark with a few lights on so it looked like there were stars. "That's the only warning of an attack. We had barely begun to realize that it hadn't moved for 3 hours when their forces came raining down on us. We never wanted it there to begin with and were trying to figure out ways to shuck it into the system instead and they used our fears against us."

"Ok, now we're getting somewhere." The senshi gathered Reni up and walked away from the rod without once looking in it. Seeing Serenity like that would only hinder their actions. They had to make a plan away from the royals.

Mamoru stayed behind and looked at his older counterpart. He saw now what Pluto meant about the black hair. It was _lavender_ , like a poor attempt at covering up the gray had gone wrong and because of that most of the dark color washed out, leaving behind only the purple. "Why send the dreams? She could have been strong enough without the interference."

"Maybe... in your time." He glanced behind him at Serenity. "She would not even be where she is if she hadn't gotten stronger then. She would have died but something in her caused her to protect herself and she formed this barrier. It's a healing chamber, it might not be healing her but it's allowing her the time to heal but now that the fight is nearly over, she needs to let us in so we can help her. Otherwise she _will_ die."

Mamoru braved the sight, it couldn't be any worse than anything he'd seen so far, stuff that he sent himself from the future, after seeing even more battles and horrors. He was wrong, oh so wrong." He, like his older version and his daughter before him sagged to the ground as he couldn't hold himself up anymore and leaned against the handle.

She didn't look like she was dying, she didn't look like she'd just died either. She looked long gone and yet there wasn't a single injury inflicted upon her. It wasn't old age but it did look natural. "That's not something I ever expected to encounter."

"No and it doesn't get easier the second time either." Endymion held a hand against the crystal. "She was in the garden with Demando and he touched her- somehow his touch caused her to wilt and he tried to grab her again but I was there before him. I lied to the others, I got the injury when I was turning towards Serenity and Demando was furious about my intrusion. He is stronger than he appears, something about the combination of our bodies now and his proximity to his planet causes him to be stronger, to basically kill us. The chemicals in my DNA fought against it a lot easier than the chemical makeup in hers. I only reacted where he touched me but her entire being is eroding."

"How do we stop it once Demando's dead?" Mamoru asked and Endymion's lips twisted.

"His death is only part of it, it stops the decay but the three of us, you, Usagi and I will need to break the shell housing her and then it's up to Usagi and Reni to heal Serenity and pull out the toxin."

"We can't?" Mamoru asked surprised. "I can't?"

"It is not in our abilities. But trust me when I say our skills will come in handy in the days to come. I'm not supposed to tell you much of your future but I found it handy when my future told me." He winked at Mamoru though Mamoru couldn't quite look him in the eye, and not because of the grotesque face, but because of what the older man made him do. "You'll never forgive yourself or me but you will come to understand in time, when this is _your_ Serenity."

"I still don't understand." Mamoru shook his head. "How does Usagi being strong lead to Serenity being strong?"

"Her belief in our love brings her back, allows her to do this." He waved again at the casket. "The moon queens before her all sacrificed themselves during a large attack once their children were old enough to take over. Serenity could have done that but she knew Reni and I both needed her, that we would find a way to end the war and bring her back to us."

"It sounds more like duty than love." Rei commented, coming back to them to tell Mamoru they were ready but caught the end of the conversation.

"Maybe." Endymion agreed. "But it's love too. We'd been through so much and we couldn't allow it to end here and now. We have so much more love and life to share. No queen before her has ever been put to the test as often as she has. Granted all the other queens before her had armies at her disposal and were well established."

"What does Serenity have?"

"The same she always had, you guys and you have her. No queen had that level of devotion and love either and Serenity knows it, believes in it. Without the trials, without the confidence of the past, she wouldn't have believed it here."

Rei shook her head. "It still sounds like you're an ass who did things your way because you couldn't see any other way working, when there probably _was_ a better way all along."

"Maybe." Endymion said again and Mamoru found that his future self was far less self-assured than he had been in the past. He knew he wasn't anymore, knew almost everything he'd done since the memories came back the first time was wrong. Yet he still did this time and time again? Why?

"No maybes." She directed her gaze to Mamoru. "Don't do this again. We'll find a better way. Look at how many times you've almost killed her and all in an effort to _not_ kill her."

Mamoru looked between Rei's assured gaze and Endymion's broken one. He knew his eyes already looked like that, how could Usagi ever love him again? He'd never be a full man, and then he realized that was the point, because he'd broken Usagi, because he'd broken himself, he would never be healed because this would always be hanging over his head. So he did want he thought was right and nodded to Rei, he wouldn't go down that path again.

"We're ready." She didn't praise him and she lead him away from the man who had started all of this, but unlike Makoto, she didn't realize that it started long before this Endymion and it hadn't actually started with _him_ but the man who sought Usagi for his own by any means necessary.

–

Usagi was alone in a room when Kamen appeared at the window. It was such a long distance to her and he knew he couldn't jump that high. They had amazing abilities but it was out of their reach. So he looked at his cane and thought about what he could do with it.

He tossed it into the room and it landed on the bed at Usagi's feet. She looked up at him in confusion. "I know you don't have any reason to believe me or trust me but I am here to help. I want nothing more from you than what you willingly give. Now let's get you back to your friends?" She gave a short nod and he gestured at the cane. "Sit on it."

She raised an eyebrow but did as he said, side-saddle and it lifted off the bed and floated towards him. She was eye level when the door busted open and Demando sent an attack towards her. The magic of the cane vanished in the wake of that attack but Usagi was unharmed and Kamen grabbed her arm before she could fall that great distance. Obviously Demando hadn't thought that one through, he'd probably have broken every bone in her body with that stunt.

The cane fell but he had the real prize and he gathered her close and jumped from the tower to one of the walkways along the edge of the castle that was supposed to be on the look out for anyone like him. His stealth and dark coloring once again beneficial. Her dress for a change wasn't glowing white but a deep purple and blended in as well. Small mercies.

In fact it was his mask that almost got them caught but he threw up the cape in time and the man who went back to check again only saw shadows and hurried on his way to the next post.

Getting off the planet was as easy as getting on it. Pluto was a great tool, she gathered them to her, pulled them into her realm and then onto the next spot. Since they weren't going anywhere in time, it didn't take a key and she could travel anywhere she wanted to from her station.

All of time and space were her domain. However except for incredibly rare circumstances, she could only take them with her in space and even that wasn't going to be all the time.

The only time it didn't work was if there was a seal on the grounds, the castle had one and she could only get them so close. The rest was up to them. The senshi were there in case the stealth idea didn't work, they were just going to barge in and cause hell.

Thankfully his way did and he got brownie points from all involved but they were tiny because it was partly his duty.

The rest was well documented in their history books and could be read about there.

–

A week later found all of the senshi, Mamoru and Reni in his apartment, including Pluto. "It's time for you to go." Pluto told the 13 year old, it was time for life to continue on its regular track again.

"But I don't want to go." Reni gestured at them. "I want to see how things get fixed, I want to get to know my mother some more, in this time period, I want-"

"Those things aren't things anyone gets to do." Usagi cut in but not nastily, almost gently. "You aren't supposed to know your parents when they're growing up and making mistakes of their own. They're supposed to be there to guide you and help you along but only when they've gone through similar things themselves. They can't do that and help at the same time, not if they want to be honest to themselves, do what's right for them. Even if you were born in this time period, you'd have missed out on all of this because you wouldn't have been old enough to take it all in with your adult eyes."

"I suppose now that I've seen the biggest mistake anyone has ever made, dad can't be called in to lay down the law anymore."

Pluto smiled wryly. "Yes he can, because you won't remember the colossal mistake he made, at least not in this way."

"What?" Reni asked with surprise. "After what he's done to _you-_." She aimed her words at Usagi, who opened her mouth to speak but Minako cut in.

"It's for the best. She won't be remembering this time period the way it has been and you will end up mentioning it to her and it will just cause a mess." Minako explained.

"It wasn't an unanimous vote." Ami added. "She was out-voted 6-3."

"6-4." Reni countered, adding her own vote heatedly.

"5-5, actually." Mamoru inserted, looking thoughtfully at how the numbers have changed. "I had to side with the majority, that had been decided before the vote, unanimously."

"You'll have lost all respect for your father otherwise and you'll never listen to him. You'll still remember your time here, it'll just be a little different and we'll blame that change on Demando having captured you and messing with your memories."

"Like you're going to do to my mother?"

There was unease in the group. "We have to leave some blanks, blank because he wasn't around that early on."

Reni shook her head and looked to her father in fear. "I'm sorry, it's not my choice." He put his hands on the sides of her head and pulled out any memory that involved him being around up until Usagi's capture and then those got a bit disjointed as he had to pull only parts of those memories, the ones that had to deal with her knowing that he had stuck his fingers into Usagi's brain first. It didn't take too long, she hadn't really seen him and he hadn't really seen her. Even some of the odd bits like tying her to a chair and interrogating her made sense if he'd just come back and claimed her involvement and the others barely knowing her. True to his word though, he left all of the sweet moments she had with Usagi, all of the times that she had tried to help her mother fight the invasion of memories, but not that there were holes to fill, just the pushing back of the foreign implantations.

Before Pluto took Reni, they all pretended like they were just talking about the attack and how things went, the way they wanted her to remember it. The way a kid, even a smart, older kid like herself, would invent ways to morph her own memory to fit what they said because they had to be right.

Then there were a round of hugs and Usagi even smiled genuinely, pleasantly and kissed Reni on both cheeks with tears in her eyes. "I'll miss you kid."

"I'm 13." Reni reminded her mom, feeling embarrassed by all of the gush.

Mamoru pulled her into his arms and hugged her too. "I know we haven't had much time together and I regret that. Hopefully I'll have set time aside for you when you return back to the future."

"You usually do." Reni smiled shyly at her dad. "But hopefully it will be more time now, so you can tell me all about America now that things have settled down and we can talk about other things besides mom."

"I'd like that." Mamoru set his daughter down and a pang hit him in the chest. He would be losing this child that he had never known existed, that wouldn't exist for many, many years to come and yet now of all times, he was sad that they'd have to part. He'd known it all along and the pain of losing her would never compare to the pain of losing her mother but there was a pain nonetheless. He'd never thought about children before only ever wanting Usagi, but the idea of Reni as a child, as a baby, growing in Usagi's womb, caused a blush to seep into his skin and he couldn't help but think of having _many_ children with Usagi, or at least trying.

Down boy, he had to first make things right with her and that time to try would be a long time in coming. Even if she felt comfortable with the act and him, even if he could forgive himself long enough to cause her yet more pain, even temporarily or soil her with his presence, the senshi would never, _never_ allow it.

–

Reni was gone and everyone kind of stared at Mamoru to get on with it, to do what he had to with Usagi but she cleared her throat. Once Reni had gone, the Reni who hadn't been privy to all the horrors she'd been faced with, Usagi retreated back to that corner she'd been in while they laid down the law about what was going to happen.

All eyes swiveled to the nearly broken mess in the overstuffed chair in the corner. Her eyes were flat but there was a determined light to them. "All of you, get out."

"But-" .

"It's going to happen, but I need all of you, out of here, now." _Except you_ , her eyes told him as they landed on his form. They still weren't in interest, not the way they had been before. "You've done your parts, you've planted the thoughts and memories, now scram." Since they had gotten Usagi out of Demando's castle almost two weeks before hand, they'd been dropping key phrases like "I'm so glad Mamoru's back from America to help us with this threat" and that was one of the kindest ones, all of course befitting their personalities. It didn't really matter that they weren't all smoothly done or related at all to the topic at hand.

"How will we know it worked?" Minako asked and Usagi turned those eyes onto her. "Oh, right, sorry Hime-sama."

Usagi still hadn't forgiven Minako for her part in all of this but she hadn't for one minute blamed any of the others, even when most of them outvoted her.

The girls filed out, Mamoru's ears were red because he'd done his part too, they had shared a passionate kiss that only he was feeling once they'd settled onto a game plan and it was supposed to appear as if they were unsure of each other at first after the rescue, which was true enough and then they finally got over it and had a kiss, a welcome home/oh-my-god-your-alive-and-well/I've missed you terribly. She'd responded to the kiss but the emotions on her end weren't there, not like his were, though he had managed to pull out some emotions she hadn't realized she was feeling.

"Why are you in the corner?" He asked tiredly, neither Usagi would have done that and the original Usagi would have been pulled out instantly by the girls or himself and wouldn't have been allowed back there. The new Usagi would never have tolerated being anything but front and center. This Usagi wouldn't have appreciated anyone touching her either.

"Because that was a mask. You're quite good at them, so you should be able to recognize one for yourself. All of it, all of it was just a front and once everything I once thought I knew was wiped out, then so too were all of my defenses." He recognized the baring of her teeth in her voice well enough. "I don't feel strong enough to come out and play now that I don't have to for Reni."

"I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair, he'd apologized so many times and while he wouldn't begrudge her the apologizes, she wouldn't even remember them or why he said them soon enough.

"I need you to tell me a few things before we continue."

"Anything." This he could do, baring his soul to her was another story. He could tell everyone else how desperate and torn up he was about it but to _her_ it just became impossible and she was the one who needed to hear it, the only one he wanted to tell.

"Why?" He told her the same things he'd been telling himself all along, what he'd told everyone else. She shook her head at the end of that. "No, that's not it. _Why_?"

"Why the dreams? Why the memory wipe? God Usagi, I don't _know_. It came to me very suddenly as the perfect solution when I saw how much you were killing yourself over my actions that I couldn't – I wouldn't- " he hiccuped and then tears were coursing down his face unchecked. "I stuck that knife in after all and was watching you bleed a slow death when that's what I was trying to avoid all along."

"There's the truth." Usagi nodded. "You couldn't _watch_ it but you couldn't look away either."

"No!"

"Don't ruin it by lying to me again. I understand this part at least. You say you loved that version of me but you didn't trust her enough to tell her what was happening, why you were pulling away. You just ran and then came back and saw that things weren't all roses and so dug a bit deeper and deeper again. Lack of trust does not mean love."

"If I had told you, told her, then she would never have let me go. She would have never have stepped back for her own health and safety. She would have put herself in more danger."

"What danger?" Usagi asked genuinely. "The only danger that befell me was after you had taken my memories, you caused the danger."

Mamoru shook his head. "It would have happened anyway, the attacks, they would have been worse. You almost died, _again_ , fighting Wiseman."

"I almost died fighting Rubeus too but I was able to stop him. You weren't even there for that one." That was true, he had gotten there too late. It had been Moon against Rubeus for her friends. "I would have been able to stop him even if I had been her." This she was sure about. "I don't remember her but I do know myself well enough for that. It might have even been easier to defeat him."

"You probably would have." He acknowledged, she wouldn't have been fighting against her lack of memories, her internal battle of self-confidence even if she presented that front. "Or you would have been softer, mushier, more pliable and you would have died."

"Let's try it, hmm? Next time don't send those dreams. Change the message."

"Ok Rei." Mamoru rubbed his forehead. "She told me the same thing when you were in Demando's clutches. I told her I would and I will. To what I don't know yet."

"You're still fighting me, you didn't love her with all her flaws and you don't love me, perfect in so many ways. I'm Serenity, I know that but she really was perfect in your mind, wasn't she?"

"Serenity?" Mamoru shook his head. "She was the love of Endymion's life, not mine. He needed perfection, I need- I need you, broken in your own ways but perfect in so many others. The flaws are what I need so I don't feel like I'm poisoning you, so you seem more attainable."

"A riot. Since you're the one that caused them, caused me to be broken." Usagi shook her head. "I don't know why I ever put up with you. You're actually evil under that guise, aren't you?"

"I'm saying it all wrong."

"You've never been more truthful." Usagi crossed her arms over her chest. "Or more accurate."

"Let me try again." Mamoru protested. "I loved the Usagi before you so much that to protect her I had to pull away, in hindsight I realize that was a dumb plan all along but I was desperate and half crazed out of my mind. I love _you_ , this version despite the broken-ness, because of the flaws. I loved the previous flaws too. I've tried so hard to get you to notice me again, to start again because no matter what form you take, I love _you_."

Usagi sighed. "We're getting nowhere with this." She pushed him back. "I got the answers I needed."

"You took my words and morphed them to get the answers you wanted." He corrected.

"Pot." She pointed a finger at him and then at herself without saying the rest of the words, it was all there with that action.

Even though it was a regular day outside, inside his apartment is seemed very gray and gloomy and it was as if everything was washed out and dusty, frayed around the edges a bit. If they were in a movie, everything would have a haze to it, she'd be wearing harlequin tights with holes perfectly placed in them and a dress that worked perfectly for the scene.

He'd be sweating and dabbing at his head with some kind of cloth. Although he was sweating and he wiped his brow with his sleeved arm. It caused a wet patch on his shirt that would be slightly discolored until he washed it. He wiped at his upper lip too. It would be a very moody film but that's how he felt about the situation right now.

"I always knew there was a very big hole in my memory." Usagi scowled at Mamoru. "I thought it was Demando later when I met him in person even before Minako's words but of course it was you. I learned all about you recently from the girls." Mamoru didn't tell her he already knew that.

"Not all of it is true, they've been trying to poison you against me from the moment we met in both lifetimes."

"Whatever they could say paled drastically with what you'd actually done, what you've admitted to doing." She shook her head. "See you missed something when you dug through my brain like you had. I was pregnant on the moon and yet I had no knowledge of any male I had been seeing. I reacted pretty bad by using men instead, thinking someone must have done something horrible to me in the past, perhaps even Demando since he'd already figured out how to cross time."

"When did all of this happen? I heard what you told Minako and that was earlier in the day before you were taken. She'd told you then what she knew about both of us."

"I'm a lot smarter than you give me credit for." Usagi shook her head. "His story never rang true. I wanted to believe it for awhile but the time table never quite added up right. Even as Minako was blatantly singing your false praises and weaving that tale about saving you from Beryl, I knew there was something fishy going on. She came out with it all then but I'd already started piecing things together. Time travel was the only explanation I could come up with."

"Did you know about Reni too?"

"Yes, no." Usagi sighed. "I knew she wasn't my cousin but she was too similar to me to be anything but blood kin. I figured she was the child I was pregnant with in the past, or some great descendent. A child from the future I had not expected. It makes me wonder what kind of groveling, or mind manipulation you've done to get me into bed with you to create her."

"I swear, I will not touch your mind again. I don't even want to do this now. I like you the way you are."

"Flaws and all, you've said."

"I was going to say claws and all but that works too."

He got the faintest hint of a smile from her there.

"Wait-" They said at the exact same time. Usagi beat him to the punch though. "Did you say you were _there_ when Minako was lathering on that shit?"

"You said you were pregnant on the Moon?" He felt like he was going to fall over, she had known she was pregnant, hadn't told him and then had killed both herself and the baby?

"I miscarried before the Moon wedding." She admitted. "I was an emotional wreck anyway and then the attack happened." She frowned. "At least that's what I can piece together, I might be thinking of before the Moon wedding to Demando, he's still got a foothold in my memories or maybe it was the same wedding but a different man?"

"I can help you remove those." Mamoru admitted, trying to ignore the part about wrong men. "I only took memories of me before but I can remove others. Like your anger towards Minako."

"I won't even know why I'm mad at her once you fill in the blanks again, the anger should never have happened then."

"I can leave the bits with Demando and her holding out on you, even if I remove my part in that conversation."

"Why?"

"Because otherwise I'll remove your feelings for her too, at least those bits you can work out what anger you have and it'll be a stronger relationship. Also despite her claims to the contrary, she's a horrendous actress and will be acting all weird towards you and you won't know why."

Usagi sighed. "Where was this planning before taking my memories the first time around?"

"Oh holiday, I too do not always act the correct way at the right times, I'd blame it on my own hormones but it goes a lot deeper than that."

She took the criticism on the chin but until he was pregnant himself, he'd never understand fully. Not that _he_ should ever criticize anyone ever again. Yet it wasn't _so_ much a criticism but telling her how deep his craziness ran.

"How come you never told me?" He certainly would have removed that torment if he'd known but on the other hand she might have been even more upset.

She shrugged. "I haven't the foggiest, that's not something I _could_ remember. You'll have to take it up with me later, but then you'll have to explain why you know about it now when no one else does."

"Then if you miscarried how could Reni have been a descendent or that cousin?" Mamoru asked slowly.

"I didn't say I had figured it all out." Usagi rolled her eyes. "I just thought time travel made a lot of sense considering we were reborn and they kept mentioning things that I had never heard of. I might not have always been the brightest crayon in the box but I was interested in technology and gossip and those things would not have escaped my knowledge, especially the one about snap bed making." He wanted to ask her about that but refrained. "Maybe in some alternative universe I hadn't miscarried or died and then she came to this universe. I haven't a clue."

He wanted to tease her that now there were alternative dimensions happening but he refrained again. They would just be more memories that he had to take away from her while he lived with them, more things he had to be very careful not to say or walk into by accident and make her start questioning things. She wouldn't be able to release the memories on her own but she would be curious if she caught it.

"Just say it." Usagi groaned. "Just say it's the dumbest thing you've ever heard."

"Actually I was thinking it was quite smart and quickly put together and very nearly the truth. Even Ami and I had to have it spelled out." Mamoru admitted, by his daughter no less.

"I suppose I did have help." Even in this version she had to knock herself down a little. "I mean mom always talked about the time gate and how it was never to be used lightly, consequences would befall any who used it."

"Still a few conversations in all of those conversations through all of those years shouldn't be taken lightly, you had to remember those first and then put it all together." Mamoru wanted to reassure her, wanted her to know she was smart but all of this would be taken away, but maybe he'd leave a few feelings for her, feelings of pride in herself, feelings of pride from him. Could he leave some of the conversation too? He wasn't so sure, he'd have to go through it again when he went through her memories, how she viewed it and remembered it would be the key to knowing.

"I suppose we should make some kind of memory bridge here or something. Maybe put a DVD in and set it to the credits and then you can wake me up while they're playing or something." She wanted to be done with this now.

"Usako." He knelt in front of her, putting all the love he felt for her in his voice. "I really do love _you_. We can make it work between us this way."

She shook her head. "I can't, there's so many blank spots in Serenity's life- spots that can be manipulated even if I know it's you that filled them. Those spots could also be the clue to so many important things. Also not having almost all of them filled will always make me wonder if they're growing." Usagi hadn't even reacted to the endearment like she might normally have in this version with derision. She put a hand on his head. "I've been so horrible to everyone, you included, that I can't see why you'd want me to stay this way."

"Because I don't care. I don't want you to change into someone else again. I will still love her but I only want you to be who you are and to be happy."

"I'll _be_ happy, really truly once these 6 months are edited and my past has been returned. I know parts of both of them and I want to be them again. I miss that happy care-free Usagi, that sophisticated Serenity. Everything I do, even now that I understand is tinged with anger, disgust, betrayal. Erase this version of me forever and never, ever give me back memories of these six months."

Mamoru put his head in her lap and while she was tense, she didn't push him away. They had been through hell over the last week, and it was only by working together in both senshi and human form that they were tentatively working a way back to... not trust, this Usagi could never trust him again but something else. They just couldn't explain it yet.

"I'm not sure, even now, if I can return those memories."

"I think, and I'm guessing here, but I think I might have to want them returned. Even without the memories or feelings I probably sensed that they would hurt me. I'm consciously addressing it now, I consciously want you to give them back to me."

"The girls don't know that I'm taking away the last 4 months beyond what we'd discussed."

"They'll figure it out eventually when I don't say certain things." Usagi reminded him."It's my choice this time." He nodded and slid his fingers up to her temple. She shook her head and wrapped her hands around his head. "The way you took them, that's the way you'll give them back."

"Last time I tried it didn't work." Mamoru whispered though their lips were already brushing.

"It's different this time." He didn't argue and he closed that distance. He picked her up as he kissed her so they were on the couch and could put pay to their ploy. He only felt a tiny flicker of guilt that they were still going to be tricking Usagi, the new Usagi, maybe she was the old one again, he didn't know what she'd be like.

It was eternal it seemed, bringing back the memories and feelings as one, the feelings sometimes went first and the memories had to slot in correctly, they had before, but they had to unfurl again, sometimes the memory went first and he had to pull up the feelings and wrap it around the memory again, never creating, he didn't know how. He had to sometimes scrub and scrounge out the memories Demando had left behind and scrub and scrub he did until all hooks, all frayed ends, all possibility of him was gone, not even a dust speck remained.

The past was easier, it was just a straight up replacement except for towards the end. The present was so much worse, the present was fine up until about 6 months ago and then she started asking him what's wrong, he started getting moody and pulling away, he saw once more the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, the sweat leaking from his pores. Hell, that image never really went away, not until they went to the future and even then it was a slow rebuilding of pallor and strength and weight. Even now as he came to the end, taking parts of the memories and feelings of him that directly correlated with the breakup or presence when he should have been overseas, he still looked bruised and wane and sickly, but, and here he smirked even in the kiss, she still thought he looked smoking hot.

She really would love him through sickness and health, not that he ever doubted that part of it. He had doubted that she would be able to believe in their love, be able to trust herself and him to stay strong enough and win. He understood now what he was going to send to his past self and no one was going to be very happy with him, he wasn't sure how it would work. He wasn't sure if she would see that he _had_ tried to change the message. Although the message itself wasn't the problem, it was how to reach his younger self, how to break through that barrier in a way but the extreme. It was he who had to learn to trust, and he had and he would always trust her. Hopefully he'd used the right mixture with her and she'd be able to trust him too.

With all that they both went through with the memory process, they both passed out and he only remembered to push play on the DVD before he started, not managing to skip ahead.

–

EAN: Whelp, there we have it, a whole story with very little interaction between the two main characters and not once did I get a complaint about how there isn't enough romance in it. Romance was besides the point, the point was the angst. Sort of, not really. I'll let you figure out what the point was. Also you never get her point of view, you get moments of her revealing things, but never her POV. There will be 1 more "chapter" and then an "epilogue".

EAN 2: I did say at the very beginning, that this was an "R" break-up unlike one that anyone's ever seen, didn't I? That includes tongue in cheek, over the top moments that almost smack you in the face with the cliche-ness of a story... without going just that bit too far, same too with going the completely opposite direction of cliché. ;)

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Maybe I shouldn't have said _that_.


	8. The Way Things Were Meant To Be Just

–

AN: This one is going to be short, I suppose I could have added it to the last chapter but I didn't like it there as much. There will be an epilogue after this as well but that is definitely separate and a real epilogue.

AN2: And really, I was supposed to be finished with the main story at chapter 6 and then go into the epilogue but chapter 4 and 5 kind of got carried away a little from my original intentions, after the epilogue, you'll see why those two chapters had excess added to them and so I had to create 2 more chapters to get where I was supposed to get in 6... oops, oh well, 8 chapters, 6 chapters, who's really counting, right? At least this story isn't 30 chapters, like I could have easily done. I'm impressed with myself for being so precise!

–

Chapter 8

The Way Things Were Meant To Be... Just

–

Credits were rolling when he opened his eyes and felt something poking him in the side. Followed by a giggle. "Silly Mamo-chan, you've fallen asleep."

"Last I knew you were slobbering all over me in _your_ sleep." He almost forgot that the last six months had happened himself but he suddenly realized that they had and he opened his eyes to look at her carefully. She didn't seem annoyed or angry, so, so far so good. She did roll her eyes at the comment.

"Of all the things I could be doing in my sleep, slobbering isn't one of them." She stated proudly and he began to wonder what he'd missed her doing in her sleep and he raised an eyebrow. She hit him with a couch pillow. Something he wouldn't have had if she hadn't brought in her parents' old set. He never thought too hard about what could be on or in those pillows after years in the Tsukino residence. They made her happy and so he kept them.

All those things that would have told her the truth all those months ago if she had just _looked_. Usagi stood up and stretched and he watched her, missing her.

"I should really get going, keeping you up while you're still jet-lagged probably wasn't fair. I mean it can't be helping." She scratched the back of her head. "How long does jet-lag last?"

"I was plagued by nightmares before I got back, fearing every day that this enemy would hurt you while I was gone." They _could_ have removed Demando completely from her memory, she'd asked for them to but decided against it when they knew she'd meet him in the future.

"Yeah... so you've said." She glanced at him unsure for a moment, bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm still trying to understand this time thing, so I was grabbed, they waited until you could get a plane from America to Japan and then went to the time realm before entering the future, just seconds after I was taken, even though it had been at least 11 hours for you guys?" She shook her head. "It's so unfair that you guys are even older than I am now. I feel like I'm always lagging behind."

"Pluto could always tutor you in the time realm for a year and then you could come back to the day you left and go through school but a year older and so you'd pass all your exams because you'd no longer be one of the youngest in the class." He wagged his brows and she shuddered.

"An extra year of school? No thanks." Though this _would_ be the year to do it, they had entrance exams next year for University and she'd barely scrapped by to get into the same high school as the rest of them. "Although-" A saucy grin crossed her lips. "If it was just you and me in that time realm for a year, it wouldn't be _so_ bad. You could tutor me in so many ways..."

"Uh-" Usagi never talked like that before, the only Usagi that had blatantly talked about sex was the one he just erased... mostly.

Usagi cracked up. "Oh come on Mamoru, can't you take a joke? Part of it was because there was no way that I was going to get older while you stayed the same age, I mean come on, that would be one less year that I would have before you started looking for a 'younger model'.

"Well seeing as how Serenity was eternally 5 years older than you, I think you'll do." He laid on one of his own smolders and she came closer to him, sliding her legs along the outside of his and leaned down.

"If you want to play, you'll lose." She whispered before she was gone from his side and was half way to the door before he realized what she was getting at.

"Want me to walk you home?" He asked, getting to his feet, she always said yes, always, even when she knew she shouldn't.

"No thanks, you need sleep and I've been managing to get myself places at night for six months. I'll manage tonight too." She hesitated as she switched shoes. She looked to the window in the living room and gave a small nod of pleasure at what she saw there. "Good night Mamoru."

"Good night." Mamoru was better than some of the names she'd been calling him at least. He could work up to Mamo-chan. He followed her home as he always did, as he had for the last 6 months and knew he wasn't alone in that sentinel.

–

A couple of days later, Mamoru was walking out of the bathroom, Usagi hadn't been aware that he'd come back yet and she was sitting at a booth talking to Motoki who hadn't commented on Usagi's erratic behavior. Instead Mamoru overheard a different question.

"How's it been since Mamoru's been back?"

"Oddly really good." Usagi answered. "He's been far more romantic and courteous than he ever was before he left. I love it, or at least I would have loved it 6 months ago, but now it seems to be a bit too much, almost as if he's overwhelming me and I can't breathe, which is silly because I love him and I love these kinds of gestures."

"Well you did have a few rough patches there..." Motoki knew about Demando and Usagi knew he knew about Demando and she gave a small nod.

"Yeah, that's true. I just wish he hadn't gone away at all. I can't help but feel as if none of this would have happened if he hadn't left."

"That's probably true." Motoki the traitor put a hand on her back. "Have you asked him about America?"

"He just gives me vague answers when I do ask, but I think I'm the only one. A few people asked once and didn't really wait for an answer and then never asked again. He kind of has to insert things like interesting facts, often times with 'did you know-'. I think it's kind of amusing, almost like he studied up on the country. Part of me wonders if he'd ever been there himself or just gained all that knowledge from books and movies." Usagi laughed. "But that's probably because he probably spent the whole time studying and going to class."

Which is actually what he _hadn't_ been doing, which he'd been chewed out for yet again recently since he was so far behind, even now that Usagi was back with him. He put off so much studying just to spend time with her. Perhaps as she said it was too much time.

"I'm sure you're right. I'm sure he didn't enjoy it as much as the fantasy makes it sound." Motoki glanced over at Mamoru. "But remind me to break a leg so he can't go again if he ever makes a decision like that in the future."

Usagi giggled. "Yours or his?"

"His, definitely his." Motoki kissed the top of her head and stood up. "Glad to see you laughing again like this Usa-chan."

"Thanks Motoki-kun. I feel like I haven't for a long time. It feels good." He gave her a small nod and went to refill her basket of fries. He was also treating her extra special and she'd catch wind of it soon enough.

Everyone was going over the top, not just because they wanted her happy but because they wanted her to stay happy and were celebrating as well as ensuring it by only giving her things she liked. Even her parents had pitched in a bit without anyone knowing so, but of course they would have seen the storm-cloud that was their daughter over the last 6 months. It was only with wonder that she didn't end up in therapy. Mamoru though for the life of him, couldn't stop this newest treatment, nor did he really want to. Everyone else could back off the happy train, he just wanted her close for his own selfish reason _and_ to make her happy.

–

It was about a year later, and Reni had visited again during their latest enemy but while she looked at her parents oddly from time to time, wondering something, she never ever said anything about their split or memory problem. She didn't stay very long, only came to help with the final enemy and he wondered if that was allowed.

As he passed Hotaru over to her new parents, he decided he didn't care. Reni said that she and Hotaru were the closest out of every senshi because with all of her reincarnations, she was the only one remotely Reni's age.

That night, Usagi and him were in bed for the fourth time ever and they were already comfortable with the relationship and this new slant. She had been distant for awhile, only chaste kisses and some overwhelmed by passion but up until about a month ago, they had never slept together and even then it wasn't something they repeated instantly. She took about two weeks to let it go that far again and then for two nights last weekend and now this night.

He curled her blond hair around a finger and remembered a question he had for her so long ago. "You know... I was just thinking about how in the past we were married and protected sex wasn't exactly a thing back then. I'm surprised you didn't get pregnant."

She rolled over onto her stomach and looked at him carefully. "Well, actually... that's why mom made sure we got married properly through Moon customs. However I hadn't the heart to tell her that shortly after she found out I miscarried. If she did perhaps she wouldn't have pushed for the wedding and might have dissolved our Earthen vows. It was never a sin to enter a marriage no longer a virgin in those days on the Moon. Especially as I held such a high rank." She was a bit smug about that as she tilted her head.

"How can you talk about this so calmly?"

A small shrug. "Because it happened so long ago."

"Why did you never tell me?" He started stroking her hair along the grain.

"About the pregnancy? It was too new, I was still at the throwing up stage when mom discovered it. A week later I miscarried and three days after that we were married on the Moon and dead."

"Never thought to tell me any of this?"

"What would it have changed? On the Moon you would have been sad. In this lifetime, well it's not exactly something you bring to the first date and later we had drawn a very deep line between the lifetimes so we wouldn't confuse things."

He supposed that was true enough. He sighed and turned towards her. "I still wish I had known, it would have made things so much smoother and easier."

"What are you talking about? Made what smoother and easier? I hardly ever thought about it, except to blush and recall what would make a pregnancy possible."

He supposed too without the pregnancy she would have fallen for Demando's tricks a bit easier and it was the pregnancy in fact that had made her question his validity. Yet if he had been able to erase knowledge of the pregnancy then she wouldn't have been so irritable or suspicious of everyone and everything and she would have been happy without him.

He supposed it was a small miracle even if it had tortured both of them. "Forget it. I love you Usako and that's all that matters."

Her soft look wobbled a bit. "Me too Mamo-chan." While she started calling him Mamo-chan again and knew she loved him, those words didn't come so readily anymore. He didn't blame her for that, even if some of that did remain from what he'd taken away. He thought he'd taken all of those feelings but she could probably have felt something was wrong, knew something in her wasn't right. He knew she was right to mistrust him just that little bit, but it _hurt_.

This Usagi was the culmination of all things and the lack of them all as well. She hadn't gone through the same pain that her previous two forms had and yet her mind made up further pain, a different kind of pain on top of what she'd already gone through. Tears made his eyes shiny but they didn't fall and Usagi looked at him in concern. "Why-"

"I- I just think you're amazing." He admitted. "You have so much strength and courage and love, even in the darkest moments you manage to pull through."

It was more than Demando and what he had done with his own hands, or psychic energy or whatever, it was all the enemies she'd faced down, all the friends she'd had to fight, all the love that had been withheld from her though she had deserved all of it given freely because she gave it right back to them in droves. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead and smiled down at her. "You have been so strong for me all these years, faced so much adversity. It's my turn to gift you with something and expect nothing back in return." He realized it suddenly even as he said it, for it was true. He'd always been afraid to give his heart in case it was discarded, in case he never got a heart back to fill his chest, even if it wasn't his, but now he was strong enough, she had shown him the way. He loved her freely and if she could never say the words or truly feel it again, it was ok. He would love enough for the both of them.

"You know, I saw this one day..." Usagi slid her fingers over the rose that had been moved to their bedside, his bedside. He didn't worry that they'd knock it over, it was unbreakable no matter what they could do to it. "Soon after you came back, after we sent Reni home that time. For some reason, seeing it, it gave me strength. I mean I knew I loved you and those feelings hadn't gone away while you were in America but for some reason if felt like they had. I felt like I had basically forgotten you though you did enter my mind on occasion, both good and bad thoughts." She shook her head. "I was remembering some of the stupid things you did, like insult my hair." She thought it was from their first year, he'd taken away the reference point so it seemed like a memory or a thought. "The rest of the argument I forgot though but I remembered being annoyed." She laughed and shook her head. "Then there were moments I thought about you and a twinge of tenderness would come through."

He hadn't known about that, he hadn't realized that was the emotion. He couldn't always read the emotions though he could see that they existed.

"But seeing this rose made me realize that we could be away from each other and it would all be all right, even if we don't think about it, that connection is always there."

Mamoru glanced at the rose, it had often given him solace too, even if sometimes he had cursed it's very existence. "Maybe you should keep it." He hadn't realized _how_ badly she'd been hurting over this, so many other things, sure, but not this.

"No, I have a feeling you need it more."

She was probably right.

"We could try to make a second one so you have one and I have one."

"Maybe, someday." She agreed. "But for now, I understand." She turned and lifted a hand to run through his hair. "I _do_ love you Mamo-chan." It's the first time in almost 2 years she'd said that to him and he leaned down to kiss her to seal that unspoken promise.

–

Reni latched onto his leg as soon as he walked in the door. "Honey, I'm home!" He never got tired of that nearly cliché adage. He tried to scoop his daughter up into his arms but the 2 year old wouldn't dream of it, liking her place far too much. "Mmh, something smells good." He walked into the living room and saw all four of the inner senshi sprawled out on the couches, gossiping like usual and he frowned at them. "A few questions, one, who was supposed to be watching Reni? Two, if Makoto is in here, who's doing the cooking?"

His face paled a little when he realized it was his wife. He almost sprinted into the kitchen but Reni slowed him down and Makoto laughed at him. "Relax she's just overseeing it."

He dragged his foot behind him as he walked into the kitchen and Ikuko was taking a batch of cookies out of the over. He went over to his wife and dropped a kiss almost too firmly onto her head and wrapped an arm around her. "How was work today?" He asked and she beamed up at him, obviously having made the deal she'd been working so hard for. "Congratulations." She winked at him as if it was always a sure-fire thing and with her ability to convince people, it probably was. "Ikuko, it's always nice to see you." He greeted his mother-in-law and would have hugged her but he was already a little tied up with his intimate family. "What do we owe the pleasure?"

He felt Usagi tense a little and Ikuko glanced at her a moment then shook her head. "I missed my daughter."

"Where is she?" A voice bellowed in the hall and Reni squealed and playfully hid behind her father's legs. Her grandfather came in, looking for the little rugrat and he found her and she went willingly into his arms with a tap on both of his cheeks at once.

Freed from his daughter he went around and hugged the older woman before returning to Usagi's side as her father took their daughter into the room with all the women. "Brave man." Mamoru uttered and Usagi jabbed him in the side. He leaned so his mouth was by her ear. "We'll talk about the tensing later." He gave her a very pointed look and she shook her head, it wasn't important.

Shingo arrived with his girlfriend about a half hour later and Mamoru looked around the table at his family and knew he never deserved it but he felt very, very blessed to have it.

–

EAN: In time for Thanksgiving! You do know that it won't end here right? I did tell you it would get darker each chapter and we still have the Epilogue! This was dark if you really, really think hard about it but on the surface it was light and almost cheezy. :) So, maybe you won't thank me for getting it to you by Thanksgiving... hehe... (which I didn't, but maybe by Easter? I _had_ finished it by Thanksgiving, I just forgot to upload, oops.)

–

EAN2: I know I said that I wouldn't be uploading for awhile but I had a break and this was already written so here you have it! The epilogue is also written and shall be out shortly.


	9. Just Something Stupid

AN: this one is going to be a bit of a mixed POV and you'll see why as you read it because of a few very important reasons.

–

Epilogue:

Just Something Stupid

* * *

Serenity was looking at him curiously, not in the cute way she sometimes did, but while there was some of that, trying to work something out, there was also a bit of anger in her gaze. What had he done now? He checked his own memory of the last several hours from which he had been away from her and couldn't recall doing one thing out of the usual.

Maybe that was the problem?

Was he forgetting some sort of anniversary? No... No birthdays either.

She was still looking at him that way, hadn't really moved, just seemed to be getting tenser as every second ticked by but he had no way of knowing what was wrong so he had no hope of fixing it before she blew and she was going to blow soon. Usually he handled these calmly but she was just staring at him and it was starting to unnerve him. He could never take her silence. " _What ?_ "

"Did you break up with me?" Her question shot out of her mouth with so much fury behind it, just for the _thought_ that it could have possibly have happened.

"No?" He asked, they were married, if he wanted to split from her, which he didn't, he would have asked for a separation or a divorce and he would have definitely remembered doing something like that.

Serenity grasped her throat as she stared at him in shock, he still had no idea what she was talking about, though he was starting to expect... he could never forget the nearly 6 months of pain he had suffered through practically alone. He never wanted to remember even a moment of that but it was always there to remind him at the oddest times. "What did you _do_?"

"Probably something incredibly stupid." He acknowledged with growing dread and a bit of panic bubbling up in his stomach. He never thought he'd be able to lose her at this stage of the game, they had a solid marriage in all ways and they worked through all the problems they faced and he never did anything stupid anymore, except send his past self the dreams that caused all of this. Which he still did this time around though he _knew_ the solution wasn't what his idiot younger self concocted up but he couldn't just _tell_ Mamoru what to do, he would never fully grasp the idea until he lost everything first and this time had to live through it. "What exactly did I do?"

"The girls, they said something about how we were broken up for about 6 months. I don't remember breaking up with you, though I do remember that you went to America for a semester and I never got any letters from you."

"Venus shredded and burned them all and Mercury blocked all my calls." He said instantly, ready to kill the girls. They would have, especially at that stage, though seeing how depressed Usagi got they might have then given her his most recent letter.

Serenity frowned. "See the weird thing is I don't remember you saying _anything_ about America until after you got back and there's other gaps..."

He wasn't able to insert memories and he knew she would see through any he did add so he had left the dark moments blank, after 6 months of being gone, did it really matter if 2 of them were almost completely erased and the other four had a few gaps here and there? She probably wouldn't have remembered everything she did during any of those days anyway. Though he knew that something as important as going to America would have been noted as missing but there was no other way to explain his absence while he worked on figuring out a way to release most of her memories and feelings.

She pressed a hand to her stomach as he could literally see her turn green. "It's not what you think."

"Did you pressure me to do something I didn't want to do?" Serenity asked, though she knew that her hymen was still intact the first time they slept together. "Did you hurt me in some way?" She believed and trusted completely until that very moment when things after all these years finally made so much more sense. She had just never spent a lot of time dwelling on them though she had thought about it on occasion, that hard time while Mamoru was in America wasn't as hard as it should have been and that had worried her for awhile, that she hadn't had as strong of feelings as she thought. She barely remembered him being gone though she had no memories of him there so he had to have been gone, she didn't mention him once in those 6 months, and nobody asked her about him. "Is that why we broke up?

"No." Endymion growled and took her hands in his. "Don't start distrusting me _now_." He begged. "I didn't touch you against your will." Not for that reason at least. "I broke up with you and it was a very dark time for you, I had to take away those memories and feelings before you killed yourself, you were wasting away. Afterward you were so much better." He ran his thumb down the side of her face but she pulled away frightened.

"You just went in and manipulated me like that?" Her voice all but disappeared.

"I had to!"

"You had to rape me like that?" Serenity accused using a word that had him blanching, he'd never thought of it like that but he had forced himself into her mind and feelings and took away a part of her and she was never _exactly_ the same since though she was pretty darn close and it hadn't mattered, she wasn't any better or any worse to him for the change.

He stumbled over to the bench by their bed and sank onto it, as pale as the sheets on the bed. Serenity wasn't looking much better. He'd definitely kill those girls, after all these years they let it slip that he'd broken up with her, especially being so vulnerable with the Demando thing? They probably let her overhear it, pissed that he'd done it again.

"There were so many things I had to do at that time Serenity and I will explain it all to you."

"I want my memories back, all of them." Serenity folded her arms across her chest and Endymion shook his head.

" _No_." The word was ripped from his throat. "You don't want those memories."

"I do and any other memory you have stolen from me over the years because you thought I couldn't handle it or forgive you for your actions. God Endymion you could have been having an affair or doing horrible things to me this whole time and I'd never know-" She sagged against the door as the possibilities rammed into her.

"I have not touched a single memory you've had since those six months. I promised you, myself and everyone else that I wouldn't. If I had gone back on that promise, don't you think I would have removed the nightmare that you went through after Hotaru died? Removed all memory of the girl before she came to Haruka and Michiru as a baby?" She'd woken up screaming when she did sleep and wouldn't go back no matter how much coaxing they did and she'd slump in exhaustion days later wherever she was standing because her body couldn't handle it anymore.

There were a few terrifying moments after that fight ended, scarier than any enemy they'd actually faced.

"Since I don't remember that promise, it's a moot point anyway, isn't it?" She was furious and he'd never seen that anger for himself. That was usually reserved for the enemy after they killed everyone she loved. "God, I have to think of a way to tell myself about this if you decide to steal my memory of this moment."

"I won't and I will bare any ire you have towards me for the rest of our days because of this but please don't make me give you back those memories. You're happier without them. I promised you. Hell, _you_ made me promise you to never give the memories back."

"I don't know if I did or not because I don't remember." Serenity centered back on that point and Endymion sighed and left the room for a long time, then he was back with two objects in his hand, a remote power device that would turn anything on, no matter how old the technology was and a smartphone. She hadn't seen one like that in such a long time.

"You had me record it and as this is the best technology we had available at that time, it's what we used and I've kept it ever since despite getting a hundred new phones since." He turned it on, found the file he wanted and opened it for her.

She watched on the small screen as her younger self appeared, talking in her usually bubbly way but as Serenity watched she realized that she was faking it and the girl was definitely shaken. "This is Tsukino Usagi, under my own volition, that's the right word right?" She asked someone behind the camera and there were a few girls talking, oh god the girls had been part of this too! She didn't know who to trust anymore. "Anyway, I'm fully aware of what's happened and what will, though I have to say that was a dirty thing to do to me. I'm very cross and hopefully after everything is set right again I don't jump straight into this Asshat's arms." She directed the camera towards Mamoru who was looking contrite.

"Though he did have his reasons and I do feel kind of bad that he suffered all these months on his own when it wasn't even _his_ fault but bloody King Endymion's for being so mysterious and lacking the main _point_ , but anyway, back to the point-point. Mamoru ripped out my memories of him, Kamen and Prince Endymion and all my feelings for both of them and Kamen.

He's assured me that he's got them locked into a box that's been kept in good condition and that they'll all be returned to me. Well not all of them, I'd rather not remember the days that I was so depressed that everything suffered so severely... and I suppose we'll have to come up with some excuse for why I haven't seen him for 6 months though he's been stalking me... and I've seen him around Motoki's. He really never does think anything through, does he? Well at any rate, if it ever comes to light that you've got memories missing, let me assure you that you don't want them. Not only the 2 months of utter misery I apparently was in but these last 4 haven't exactly been a picnic either. I always felt like part of me was missing and I was a horrible, horrible person and nothing was making sense. Then to top it off, Demando saw the holes in my memories and starting placing himself into them, twisting the feelings I would have had for Mamoru and the other two around his own being so there were a few regrettable events that happened with him and in Mamoru's presence. That and the fact that I killed Mamoru, again."

Serenity gasped and was glad she was already sitting because she would have sank to the floor otherwise. "But-"

He nodded towards the camera as Usagi frowned. "I still don't really feel bad about that and if what everyone is saying is true, I should. If I feel as bad as they said I would, then I don't want to recall that memory either." She was so apathetic when talking about Mamoru and Serenity could never imagine that. "Anyway future me, if you ever find out the truth then don't go through with it, I'm having him erase this conversation too along with a few others but the entire six months can't be erased, so just the parts that had me acting incredibly erratic. I hurt them all in different ways through the months and I never meant to, even before he got his fingers in there." Usagi sniffled and wiped at her nose. "They've been amazing and deserve a lot of thanks. Oh and if Mamoru or future Mamoru or Endymion ever touches your memories again, you have my full blessing to run him through with a sword or tiara or whatever." She turned the camera onto Mamoru again. "Now you."

"I solemnly promise to never touch another memory you possess now or in the future ever again. By the way this is completely pointless because it's on _my_ phone and I can just erase it and erase all of your memories of this," he gestured to the entire room and not to just Usagi "and none of you would ever remember." He shook his head. "I already promised and I just wouldn't _do_ that, I learned my lesson and it had been necessary and I intended to always give back all but those 2 months to you but I hadn't realized so many things would go off kilter because of it. Who knew you depended on my love so much that it allowed you to be the carefree happy-go lucky girl because you were so reassured that someone loved you so deeply and unconditionally even if you didn't even remember me in this lifetime and that we had met at such a pivotal moment in the past?" He had that charming cocky grin on his face and something was tossed at his head which he ducked.

It was Makoto's voice. "You don't sound so apologetic anymore."

All levity vanished from Mamoru as he realized how important this video might be in the future. "I am incredibly sorry, for all of it. If I had known how much breaking up with you would have torn you apart and devastated you I would never have done it. I thought it was the best way to save your life and I responded as best I could to those incredibly horrifying dreams that played on repeat night after night after night. I almost did it to you myself with my idiotic belief in what my future self was saying. I can't believe I was so dumb. I should have just had belief in the fact that you were different from your past self, in such important and vital ways, the ways that I fell in love with you in this lifetime that your past self couldn't even touch. You've both been strong and weak and vulnerable and sweet and incredible in so many ways but so very different from each other.

I promised you Usagi that I would never again hurt you by doing something stupid, like breaking up with you. I tried to protect you, keep you from the cross-hairs, keep you out of the middle of it, but I ended up hurting you by accident in another way. I hope no matter when or where you are when you are seeing this, whether we're together or you've killed me along the way that I'm sorry. If I could explain it all in this video I would but I can't. If I'm there I will try my best to explain it, just know I did it out of desperate love and I only wanted to protect you. I love you so much and I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me if nothing else."

Usagi had snatched back the phone. "Really, after the girls told me about him I looked through all my photo albums and had newspaper clippings and saw the most recent paper "where is Kamen?" it read. Really truly, hadn't thought through his actions at all." She rolled her eyes though when she looked at him this time, there was a strange affection in them that had been missing before. "He went through hell to save me." She whispered. "With no guarantee that I'd ever, _ever_ take him on. There's that at least." She glanced down at the phone with a conspiratorial smile. "Usagi my girl, where ever you are and whoever you are, I can see why you liked him, don't let this ruin that."

Serenity watched as the video stopped and she stared at the screen, wondering how many times Mamoru watched this, if ever, and wanting to watch it again. She didn't recognize that person. "What was she like?"

"She wasn't you but she was and I loved her, I loved you, I _love_ you." Endymion was kneeling before her now and she could barely wrap her mind around all of this.

"I'm not me." She ran a hand over her face. "I won't be me with the memories returned either because I hadn't lived with them all these years, and I won't be the same me now that I know for sure there's memories missing..." Serenity put her face in both of her hands and sobbed.

Endymion wanted to touch her but was afraid that would send her over the edge and make her pull away. Sometimes she sagged into him when she was mad and crying but sometimes it just pissed her off that he thought he could touch her when she was _pissed_. This was _**pissed**_ plus so much more. There was no clear path forward for him and there was no clear path for her either, and that's why she was so broken down about it.

"How can I trust you again?" She wondered finally, he couldn't create memories but the fact that he had taken so much from her and then replaced 99% of it was difficult to wrap her mind around. All that he had done over the years- Serenity shook her head wondering how she could possible move forward. Despite it all she loved him and she had him tell her exactly what happened, then had him return all those memories, even the heartache, even the strange Usagi-Serenity, neither mix.

"Nothing's missing." She whispered, it wasn't a question but _all_ of her memories were back. She had been right in the video, it had been better not to have the memories then, she wouldn't have been able to deal or handle it and there were so many fights left to face. She even remembered now not remembering so many things throughout the Silver Millennium and her years on Earth as a teenager. It was so weird to remember not remembering and remembering at the same time, kind of like those six months but remembering now exactly what happened in those six months. He even gave her the memories of him taking away her memories and feelings and the kisses he gave her grieving heart, even when she couldn't remember why she wanted him, she had whenever she looked upon him with such an anxiety. Even that kiss in her room that she had punched him for.

He nodded despite the lack of question but he didn't say anything.

"I think it's best if you spent the next several nights in your quarters until I say otherwise... if I say otherwise." Serenity reached out to push him back but withdrew and held her hands tight against her chest. There were _so_ many good memories with him and now she was whole again, now all those fuzzy spots were filled and were already fading the way real memories did. It was so hard to match those years of happiness with what he had done to her and her forgiveness even when she couldn't remember him. That was very telling and would have been frightening if she hadn't forgiven him for so many other things instantly too. Was it that part of her that did so? No... she had forgiven him before she even got her memories back the first time, of the Silver Millennium. "I need time to figure this out."

He nodded and took a step back from her so she could stand. He looked absolutely demolished and she remembered the gaunt look he'd had during those six months, and the incredible abs he'd gotten while he was in America- no, not America, while stalking her.

She put a hand to her head. Even though she got everything back there was a very telling division between those six months and everything after. It made this life she had now seem fake, like it had all been manipulated, though it really hadn't. This was the life she would have had if the events never happened but she might have been even _happier_ , if possible, had the events truly never happened, because often she would have caught herself and looked at something, as if trying to remember it or someone would have said something to her but she had no idea what they were talking about or really who they were. He'd taken away that stranger too, only keeping the good parts of her, the parts of her that hadn't changed, usually with the girls. Though there were moments he couldn't remove too, ones that were too important despite all of the surrounding situations and people.

"Are you going to be ok?" He asked, catching the motion.

"I don't know Endymion, I just... I don't know."

–

A week of seeing his face around the palace but nothing more than the occasional meeting they attended together and the show they put on for everyone, who bought every word and action as if nothing had changed. The girls though had shared looks and Serenity had seen it, Endymion had seen it and they saw straight through the couple and wondered, worried about what happened.

A week after this and a confession to the girls about what she'd made Endymion do, to their shock and dismay, they accepted her next decision with some unease.

She packed up and headed to the other side of the planet. They had a mini-palace in Argentina that they sometimes used when Japanese winters got too cold or wanted a change of scenery for a bit. She would deal with the problems over here while Endymion handled Crystal Tokyo with all of the girls. She just needed to be away from all of them.

The girls had cheered his decision to remove himself so completely from her, after all she'd gone through in both lifetimes. Then they had back tracked when they couldn't handle the new her. Mamoru had never once judged that version or tried to change her, just tried to slot himself into her life again, somehow. He was even willing to forgo returning any of the memories to keep her the way she was, not because he liked that version better but because she was Usagi regardless of her personality changes. It was just another real version of herself, the _what would have been_ , but it wasn't either, because she had been so torn up over the fact that she had been pregnant on the Moon with no knowledge of _who_ had fathered the child or any emotions attached to the father. That's finally what convinced him to change her back, to interfere again, because she wasn't happy with who she was and had been so afraid all the time, despite outward appearances.

He had never faltered in loving the returned Usagi so completely either. She'd have liked to say she didn't know how he did it but his reincarnations were all so different too but under it all he just was who he was and she loved him. She still loved the dummy.

Some might argue there could be no love without trust and she definitely didn't know if she trusted him with – well- um... he'd never touched her wrong when he had control over his body, he'd never hurt her emotionally again on purpose after the breakup, at least not while he had control over his actions and words, he had never marginalized her thoughts or feelings. She didn't know what else she could trust with him, that was pretty much all of her. Yet she wasn't ready to face him again and be _near_ him. She still trusted the girls too, they hadn't taken her memories or feelings away and they _had_ been there for her every step of the way trying their best to support her.

Part of her wished she could just go up to Endymion and have him take those memories and feelings away again, along with any knowledge of those six months, take them from the girls too, but she'd already made him break one promise to her, she wasn't going to have him break this one too. It was better to have the memories even if it was harder.

Tears welled up in her eyes again, dammit, she _missed_ the idiot. If she was being honest, she missed her friends too.

While it had been too hard to be around him, ripping him completely out of her life now was too much like what he had forced upon her but this time she would have her memories and feelings intact and it would be by her hand.

She was up a creek and between a rock and a hard place and all those other cliches.

She holed away in Argentina for a week without seeing anyone except the maid who changed out her sheets and towels every other day and brought her food to her table every meal time.

Then two weeks after she learned about the separation, she got down to business and did what she said she was here for. She saw the outer senshi ghosting the halls and overseeing the guard. They lived here almost year round except for when they went on tour or had a big event in Japan. This was more their home than hers but she always had a room drawn up and Endymion's was in a completely different wing.

Haruka had been like Minako even to this day, wishing she had chosen to do it alone like her mother rather than choose a man not good enough for her, none of the men had been good enough. Not Mamoru, not Seiya, no one. Haruka hadn't even liked the inners that much, tolerating Makoto the most out of the lot. Now Serenity knew why. The senshi had shared all that information with each other at some point after Hotaru's death and rebirth and it had cemented the outer's dislike of the inners and Mamoru too.

It was the first time she'd seen them since her arrival, when they had greeted her and promised that they'd provide whatever she needed. Time away from everyone had been granted with an amazing attention to detail. Now that she didn't mind seeing them, they were more than happy to start moving closer too.

It was Saturn that was the senshi explaining the latest protocols to the men and Serenity watched the grown up girl for awhile. She never thought Saturn would reach her twenties, and yet here she was, nearing her thirties. She'd stop there, like the rest of them.

Sometimes it was boring not to age and sometimes she was glad she didn't, remembering all that her grandparents had gone through. She shuddered at the memory, it was like being a puppet to no one, unable to control yourself but for no purpose you did all these different things.

Saturn was gorgeous as an adult, her hair was less straight cut though the length was still at her shoulders, it was softer, with waves and a less even edge though she still looked very professional.

Uranus dropped a hand on Serenity's shoulder and she wasn't even startled by it. She knew when her senshi were close and heard people walk up to her so much easier now that she had her moon ears back. She was probably a little bit deaf as Usagi, she'd realized at some point, and it had been getting worse over the years. She remembered a bug she had when she was little. She had been unable to hear _anything_ for a whole month and she had cried terrified that she was going to be deaf for life when the medicines slowly brought back her hearing over the next few months yet could never replace it completely. It was a wonder, with her being so sick as a child and weak and small that she even lasted a day as Sailor Moon. That anyone would think that she'd have been a good candidate.

Her senshi already knew the problem and so didn't ask what was wrong. Instead she leaned against the column that Serenity already was and wrapped that arm around Serenity's shoulders and held her tightly. "What are you going to do Neko?"

"Truthfully I have no idea still but I am going to get some work done while I'm here and stop pouting and sulking and hiding and try to be me the best I can. Whoever that is now. I have to figure out who I am first before I can make any further decisions."

"I think you might already know but it scares you." Haruka squeezed her even tighter for a moment. "But I can understand wanting to get a routine down so you can see how you react now. But whatever you find out, know that you're perfect and I, we, all love you no matter what."

Her words brought tears to Serenity's eyes and she nodded. It's why she came to Argentina. These women had never been manipulated or changed in her mind, they had always been free of Endymion and Mamoru until _after_ things went 'back to normal'.

–

Reni showed up after another week, 2 weeks since she'd come to Argentina and her senshi tried to keep her from Serenity but it was fine, Reni wasn't the problem. She greeted her teenage daughter with a kiss on the strawberry blond head. The pink had been a phase and not one out of rebellion, but like some redheads, their hair color changed over the years, starting out unbelievable, no one believing that it could be their real color and then settling into something a bit tamer, a bit more realistic.

Reni for her part threw her arms happily around Serenity's waist. "I've missed you mom! God the palace has been like a tomb, everyone is wandering around like zombies or ghosts with no purpose. Dad goes to the meetings and all but they seem a bit unproductive... I've had to actually step in a few times and settle a matter or two or send them all home when he's started zoning out (not that they noticed it but I did) or when he suddenly gets up and leaves the room." Reni shook her head. "Are they coming eventually? They said I could go but they weren't going to take me. I didn't even know _we_ were coming here, you just up and left and said you'd see me shortly. I'm so glad to spend some time on the beach again!" They had a private beach that was heavily guarded both on land and in the sea. They even had air protection both from the land and an occasional drone sweeping the area.

Serenity smiled at Reni's exuberance. That's how _she_ was at that age, how she had been even a month ago. Reni had all of the best traits from both Endymion and herself. She was a genius who knew how to let loose and have fun and always included everyone. She also got as cocky as hell when the situation called for it. Serenity ran her hand through Reni's hair. "That's not quite what I had meant but I'm glad you came." She tilted her head. "They're really that bad?"

"Yeah, it's like someone died but they wouldn't tell me who but it had to be someone important. Was it someone here? Is that why you came so suddenly?"

"Yes." Serenity said with complete conviction, someone important had died and that's why she'd come here. But... was she really that far gone? That there was no coming back from it? That the woman she was before was gone for good?

"Who was it?" Reni asked with wide eyes, and she started internally going through names.

Serenity shook her head. "No one you ever met. It was an old friend from our distant past but someone we never forgot." She was lying and Reni could probably see through it, she had never gotten better at lying but as she spoke, she realized that she was right. Although that innocence was now dead, it was not impossible to remember how to be that girl, to keep a part of her with her somehow... Serenity realized Uranus was right, she already knew the answer, of course she did, but she had needed time to sort it out.

Now it was time to work on fixing things. Yet first she would spend a week alone with her daughter and her outer senshi having fun, they had never poisoned anything and she could be herself with them.

She and Reni returned home about a week later with a tentative plan and a mission in mind. Endymion was at her door the moment he heard she was back and he stood there, waiting, but his eyes feasted on her like a starving man. He did look pale and tired and lacking sustenance. She shook her head and invited him in. This was going to change, they couldn't keep punishing their bodies in times of emotional distress. She laid down the guidelines for him then and there.

"You will eat." He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. "I will stay, we will remain married and in the eyes of the public we are happy, all of us." She frowned, knowing that would be a challenge but he just nodded again. "You will sleep in your quarters still." He didn't like that but he didn't say anything or give away his dislike as he nodded again. "You will grovel and apologize every day, three times a day and you will do everything I require of you and never say a word against anything I want to do, no matter how reckless you might think it is."

"Serenity?" He asked tentatively. "I agree to the do anything but if you think you are going to start cooking again or trying to drive that motorcycle-"

"I bought a scooter the other day and I'm going to learn how to drive that first, instead. Then I'm going to attempt the motorcycle again, yes."

"You've nearly died on that thing so many times, a lot of the times when it was stationary and the guards were holding it up."

"Maybe that was the problem, it's meant to be in motion. At any rate I'm going to learn and you are not going to stand in my way because I have put it off because I know how much the thought terrifies you. You're going to have to get over that."

He nodded while swallowing back the lump in his throat. "Anything else?"

"At the moment, I can't think of anything."

He followed all of her rules, everyone did, even Mars who grumbled at having to wash all the dishes for a week (it hadn't been her fault Serenity's memories were taken, she'd slapped him for that and tried to get them back) but she realized afterward that she got the lightest punishment of all of them, because at least she had protested. Jupiter got off the second lightest followed by Mercury, those two had tried to put things right. Venus's punishment was nearly as bad as Endymion's and that was for interfering so often and _liking_ what he had done and trying to stop things from going backwards for so long, though because she hadn't actually done anything and had been coming from a place of love, she was let off earlier than Endymion.

It was nearly 3 months before Endymion was allowed back into her bedchambers and he thought maybe it was to scrub the porcelain in her bathroom but Serenity surprised him by kissing him and making it very clear what she wanted.

It was another two weeks before he was allowed to sleep in there again. He felt a little used during those two weeks because once Serenity was finished, even if he wasn't, she kicked him out. Those times were rare because she didn't mind finishing again and again and again in a setting.

Things slowly settled down to a pattern, Serenity had learned how to ride the motorcycle and had crashed a few times and he healed her dutifully without saying a word, nothing was overly bad. Though she stopped riding just as quickly a few months later. He had a feeling she was doing it more to rile him than anything else. Eventually their marriage went back to normal, or at least as close to it as possible but there were the occasional moments when she told him to do something that he protested and she would remind him of his promise and how he almost always kept his promises.

Just because he'd done something stupid years ago. Though he never once complained because the truth of the matter was, even if it drove him nuts, he was glad that he still had her. That's what was really important to remember and he never did anything stupid again because she was there to ask.

The End

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EAN: Since this story is all timey-wimey-wibbly-wobby, I'll let you decide which Serenity-Endymion that was.

EAN2: Not story related but... I was just watching Tangled yet again and it kind of reminded me of SM _and_ Anastasia but a Disney version of it though I do like Anastasia a bit better though Disney is of course really _cute_.

EAN3: I just watched Age of Adeline, awesome movie along the same lines as the TV series New Amsterdam _and_ Forever. SPOILERS if you haven't seen the movie: There was only 1 thing wrong with it, and it's a shame because he's such a hottie but she didn't seem to have as much chemistry with the male lead as she did with his father in both the past and the present. So I think it was just them because he's super hot and has chemistry with women in Nashville, Reese Witherspoon in Wild and some of the other stuff I've seen him in. I reeeaalllly felt like she was from the past, something that I've had grievances over with other movies (like say, you are on a flying ship in 3 musketeers and you look down, oh my god, so far away, and I've never experienced anything like this before, but shrug, oh well, let me walk almost blissfully to the other flying ship, yes maybe you're super mature and learned how to make it appear as if things don't affect you but... that, no, something would have happened beyond a moment's hesitation) and yet she wasn't stuck in the past. She's become my new idol...

Sorry about the rant. :O

Story EAN: I debated over it for a long time but I feel like Demando and Reni get too much screen time on fanfiction and in the anime, respectively, and so I've decided not to really have either of them in here, more as an off-handed/in passing moment or two or three, except for of course the epilogue but really she's hardly in this too. So there you have it, my story. (Originally I wasn't even going to even mention Reni in the past but... eh it happened, she was a wonderful addition for a change).

Story EAN2: If the AN/EANs ever confused you, sorry, the story was written in parts and the ANs were written along side those parts and then I went in and filled in the story which created more ANs and then, while the story makes sense, I made sure of it, I didn't want to change any of the ANs because I liked them the way they were written but they might be all over the place.

EAN3: It's finished! Well, it's been sitting finished for awhile but I hadn't bothered to touch it or any other story because I spend so much time on my computer for work. That said, I also don't read as much anymore. I can't remember the last time I sat down to read a book. So that's why it's taken so long. It wasn't because I got bored, it was because I just don't like being on my computer as much anymore.

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Happy Halloween everyone!


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